February 15, 2019 at 10:24 am PDT | by Billy Masters
Jake gets naked and Trump has Pecker in his pocket

Jake Gyllenhaal‘s ‘unfortunate bangs’ are a distraction but there’s delight in watching the Netflix flick. (Photo courtesy Netflix)

“I don’t know why. I just…I always feel like I know him. I mean, maybe I have a little crush on him.” — Carrie Ann Inaba on David Muir

OK, which of us is gonna tell her?

If I could have one gift for my birthday, it would be the Churro Donut from AMPM gas station. Doesn’t that sound like a bit of heaven? A churro and a donut? They make them overnight (yes, I recognize I am salivating over a food product cooked in a gas station) and in the morning, they go like hotcakes. Here’s the problem – I am rarely awake before noon. And by noon, they are sold out. I thought I came up with a perfect plan – to buy one before I fell asleep at 4 a.m. But they weren’t ready yet!  If someone could figure out how I could have a fresh Churro Donut, that would be the best 50th birthday gift ever.

With all the talk last week about David Pecker running photos of Jeff Bezos’ penis, few have mentioned the connection with Ronan Farrow. 

To recap, the Amazon founder claims that AMI, the parent company of “The National Enquirer” (published by Pecker), were trying to get him to refute his assertions that their exposé of his romantic affair was politically motivated. He says that’s why Pecker threatened to publicly publish pics of Bezos’ pubic area. Allegedly, Trump has Pecker in his pocket and has been using AMI to take down Bezos and his publication, The Washington Post. 

Did you follow that?

Into this mess walks our very own Ronan Satchel Farrow Sinatra Allen O’Sullivan. 

He tweeted that the National Enquirer made a similar threat against him. “I and at least one other prominent journalist involved in breaking stories about the National Enquirer’s arrangement with Trump fielded similar ‘stop digging or we’ll ruin you’ blackmail efforts from AMI. (I did not engage as I don’t cut deals with subjects of ongoing reporting.)” 

So, the question remains – does The Enquirer have pics of Ronan’s rod?

Meanwhile across the pond, a gay porn star was fined 1,000 pounds for filming a gay threesome on a London subway car. 

George Mason, known to his fans as Hung Young Brit, shot the video with his boyfriend and an unidentified third man. The encounter took place on the Northern Line between Leicester Square and Waterloo stations. On that particular day, the entire journey took three minutes, including two stops. 

Perhaps they simply wanted to document the efficiency of the London Underground. The clip was shot in July of 2017, but he didn’t post it until February of 2018, and that’s when the problems started. A gay man saw the video online and reported it to the police. What’s interesting to me is that the clip clearly shows other people on the subway train. And yet none of them reported it. Just another day on the Tube.

It is entirely possible that more people saw the video of this London subway threeway than Fox’s non-live “Rent.”

“Rent” was the least watched live-ish musical in recent history. To put it in perspective, “The Sound of Music” with Carrie Underwood brought in SIX TIMES the viewership! People are using these statistics to explain why NBC has canceled plans for “Hair: Live!” But, I would argue that NBC never had any intention of airing “Hair,” live or otherwise. It was a no-win situation – if they did the musical as written, they would be bombarded by complaints and protests about the nudity and the content. If they censored it, they would be blasted by everyone else.

Speaking of musicals, we still may get a remake of “Gypsy.” As you’ll recall, Barbra Streisand’s long-planned turn as Nana Rose stalled at the station. But “Gypsy” is once again in development. Amy Sherman-Palladino, creator of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”, is now in talks to direct the remake.  Although Babs is no longer in the running, a new name has been floated – Melissa McCarthy.  What’s interesting about that is the first time we heard of her singing was when she recorded a duet of “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better”… with Streisand!

Prophetic words, indeed.

Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Wade in Fort Lauderdale: “When is this new movie with Jake Gyllenhaal coming out? I keep seeing previews for it and Jake’s naked.”

It’s already out – on Netflix. Since the film is about the art world, one review was titled, “Jake Gyllenhaal’s Naked Body is the Greatest Work of Art in ‘Velvet Buzzsaw'”. And I concur – except for Jake’s unfortunate bangs. Yes, there is a good amount of nudity. Although he isn’t actually full frontal, he is certainly full backal. And he’s in good company.  One of his love interests is played by retired basketball player Sedale Threatt Jr.  Yes, he’s a he – and a mighty hot he who gives at least a hint of everything.

When Pecker has a peck of prick pics to publish in public, it’s time to end yet another column. Well, it’s finally here. 50. I promise to get back to you before I eat my weight in Churro Donuts! 
Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

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