“There’s a whole lot of sins that will keep you out of the Kingdom of God. Here’s just a sample: sexually immoral can’t get in, idolaters can’t get in, adulterers can’t get in. Men who practice homosexuality, and the term that Paul uses there, he uses two different terms: one for the active participant and the other for the passive. In the homosexual community, one is called the bottom; the other is called the top.” — American Family Association radio host Bryan Fischer explains more over the free airwaves than anyone teaches in sex ed. Who knew the apostle Paul got specific about tops and bottoms?
As you know, I typically don’t get embroiled in the political arena. But in my capacity as a television pundit (my latest appearance on “The Take” can be seen on billymasters.com), I’ve been asked for my “take” on the Democratic candidates for president.
I may have predicted Miss Gillibrand would go low, but the story circulating about Pete Buttigieg is so low, it’s ludicrous. In an inept attempt to smear Mayor Pete, a right-wing operative hired a Michigan college student to say he had been sexually assaulted by Buttigieg. I hate to say “as if”, but AS IF!
The 21-year-old agreed when he was told the operative would buy him “any house I wanted” (an offer nobody has ever made me!). At the last moment, the kid felt that lying would “cost me the two most important things to me: honesty and integrity.” See, this is why nobody has ever made this offer to moi!
Even before the fakery was revealed, some Republicans were skeptical.
“Not a fan of Mayor Pete but this whole thing seems shady as hell,” Tweeted Gregory T. Angelo, former head of the Log Cabin Republicans. Thank God — some sanity!
I’ve avoided it as long as I could — back to Jussie Smollett. Do you want me to start with the good news or the bad news? OK, the good news is that Jussie will no longer have to commute back and forth to Chicago, a city he’s not particularly welcomed in. While FOX renewed “Empire,” there are no plans for Jussie to return to the show. But it’s not all bleak for Smollett. The network did extend his contract through next season, while also saying there are no plans for him to appear in any episodes. Sigh, why can’t I get a job where someone pays me to stay home?
Lest you think Smollett’s troubles are behind him, a judge has subpoenaed prosecutor Kim Foxx in regard to how she handled the case — specifically, why she dropped all charges against Jussie (something we’re all wondering). Meanwhile, the actor’s brother has revealed Jussie is having trouble sleeping due to “night terrors.” You know what might help? A brisk 2 a.m. stroll to his local Subway sandwich shop.
Taking a break from all the “Empire” drama, creator Lee Daniels revealed some details about his gay superhero flick to CNN’s Van Jones. “It’s true! It’s called ‘Superbitch.’ I found him on Instagram of all places. He does back flips and he has a cape and he does karate and, oh my God, he’s going to be a hero. I’m not putting that much money behind it … a couple million dollars for a gay superhero movie is pretty f-king exciting.” Jones replied, “With a name like ‘Superbitch,’ you ain’t gotta promote it.”
I’m a little bit psychic. Last week, I answered a question about actor and CK model Noah Centineo and his nude JO video. This week, it’s been announced that Sony will include He-Man in the “Masters of the Universe” flick. And, who will appear in the Speedo and harness? Yup, Noah Centineo. When discussing the gig with Jimmy Fallon, Noah said, “I have an affinity for being in my underwear.” And out of it!
Stories about Noahs always come in pairs. In fact, I came with a pair of Noahs once, but that’s another story. This time it’s Noah Galvin, from “The Real O’Neals” and that scandalous interview where he trashed basically everyone he’s ever met. Last year, he made his Broadway debut with a short-lived stint playing the titular role in “Dear Evan Hansen.” Now he’s headed back to Broadway. On April 29th, he’ll take over the role of Ogie in “Waitress.”
I recently went to a special live benefit reading of “Valley of the Dolls” which starred Sheryl Lee Ralph as Helen Lawson and Wilson Cruz as Neely O’Hara. To see Wilson pull off Deena Jones’ wig was heaven, however, it was Alec Mapa who stole the show. As Anne, he mimicked Barbara Parkins’ stilted line delivery to a T.
Rounding out the glamorous trio was Bruce Vilanch as Jennifer, who pined over “Tony” with all the music of a buxom Sharon Tate. Marissa Jaret Winokur was great as Miss Steinberg, but it was her giggling at everything onstage which made me laugh out loud. Gordon Thomson (from the original “Dynasty”) played Lyon with suave assurance. Joan Van Ark was Miriam and told me, “What I really want to play is Helen Lawson — wasn’t Sheryl Lee incredible?” A lithe Greg Louganis played Tony Polar, Tom Lenk was Mel, Mo Gaffney took on Mr. Bellamy, and Joely Fisher was the narrator. The event benefited the L.A. LGBT Center and the Alcott Center for Mental Health Services.
Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Harry in Providence: “What is going on with the stage version of “Magic Mike”? I have tickets for the premiere in Boston over Christmas, but a friend told me it may not happen.”
Your friend is right. There is trouble in the world of “Magic Mike: The Broadway Musical.” After Channing Tatum’s public endorsement of composer Tom Kitt and lyricist Brian Yorkey, the pair have exited the production taking the book writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa with them. The official word is that people were butting heads prior to a workshop planned for this week in New York.
So the entire creative team left due to “creative differences” and the workshop was scrapped. So, to recap, the musical has no book, no lyrics and no music. Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play? People are saying the show may not happen and Channing will simply fill the Boston run with the burlesque show “Magic Mike Live” he mounted in Vegas. Who knows what else he may be mounting.
When Channing Tatum may be stuffing more than stockings over Christmas, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Whether you’re naughty or nice, you can get your fill at billymasters.com, the site that always delivers. If you have a question, simply send it along to email@example.com and I promise to get back to you before Jussie is cast as someone’s “Superbitch”! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.