a&e features
Former Avalon singer on coming out, getting ousted and where he is today
Michael Passons was founding member of CCM supergroup known for ‘Testify to Love’

Fans of the Christian pop group Avalon always wondered why founding member Michael Passons resigned abruptly in 2003 and then seemed to drop off the face of the earth.
There was talk of a solo album but none materialized. The official word was that he was “moving on to other things.”
The group had had a wildly successful run. Founded in the mid-’90s, Avalon released its self-titled debut album in 1996 on Sparrow and four more (“A Maze of Grace” in 1997, “In a Different Light” in 1999, “Joy: a Christmas Collection” in 2000 and “Oxygen” in 2001) as well as a hits collection with new material (“Testify to Love: the Very Best of Avalon”) in 2003 racking up 19 No. 1 singles on the Billboard gospel charts, two RIAA-certified gold albums, six Dove Awards, an American Music Award and three Grammy nominations.
Initially there was a blond male and female singer and a brunette male and female singer to round out the foursome in ways that were both visually and sonically appealing. There was regular turnover in one of the “female” slots but Passons, Janna (nee Potter) Long and Jody McBrayer formed the group’s backbone all through its early and most successful years.
After years of silence, in September, Passons came out as gay on Josh Skinner’s “Jonah and the Whale” podcast and said he was fired from the group for declining to continue with “reparative” therapy. The podcast generated significant media buzz and was aggregated in mainstream outlets like Billboard and People.
Though candid and forthcoming in the podcast, there was more to the story. Passons, a 54-year-old Yazoo City, Miss., native, was chatty and candid in a 45-minute phone interview from his Nashville home on working in the CCM (contemporary Christian music) bubble, hiding his sexuality for so many years, why he opted to come out now and about the Dove Award he nabbed from Whitney Houston at the 1998 ceremony. His comments have been slightly edited for length.

WASHINGTON BLADE: It was great to hear the podcast. It felt like you’d just kinda vanished.
MICHAEL PASSONS: I understand that people would see it that way because you’re just kind of out of the public eye when you’re not making music, not putting music out and doing interviews, and I had not done any of that pretty much in 17 years. And I didn’t really expect this podcast to get the attention that it did get. It was a bit of a surprise to me that there was so much of an interest in a 17-year-old story.
BLADE: Why did it feel like now was the right time? How did it come about?
PASSONS: It wasn’t some calculated move, I was approached by a friend who introduced me to Josh Skinner who has a podcast Jonah and the Whale and said would you like to be a guest? This particular podcast deals with an underwater moment in your life and I had previously had conversations with my family just a couple months earlier, just about my life and the truth of my life so I thought, “Well now is the perfect time,” so it really wasn’t planned out far in advance. An opportunity landed in my lap and I decided to tell the story.
BLADE: Had you been approached before?
PASSONS: Well, I’ve been pretty under the radar. I’ve been traveling the last 15 years with another Christian group, but only in the band. I play keys for Point of Grace. I wanted to keep my foot in the water … but I didn’t want to be the front guy … so I really hadn’t been approached by journalists at all until now.
BLADE: You tell in the podcast about how they came to your house for a meeting in 2003 and this all came to a head. How had they known you were gay in the first place? What led up to that meeting?
PASSONS: Well at that point I was 38 years old, I wasn’t married, I wasn’t dating, (so) rumors begin to swirl when you have that type of scenario and we had discussions about it several years before. So that’s when … they said to me I needed to go to therapy. It really was in 2002 that they wanted me to go to reparative therapy or at least go see a counselor or some guy who said his credentials were counseling gay people. So I did that to appease them but I knew it was a fruitless effort, and as I say in the podcast, that didn’t last very long. I told them I wasn’t going back to that. It had been a conversation for about a year or so before 2003.
BLADE: Did you have a pretty good relationship with them otherwise?
PASSONS: Well over the course of the eight years we were traveling together, I saw those people more than anyone else. Our schedule was so demanding and we toured almost nonstop. … So we did at the time have this family-type relationship but … groups often have a shorter shelf life than solo artists because there are multiple people with multiple goals and aspirations and so unless all four of us aligned, there were always going to be these times where one wants to do a solo deal or they think we should do this or go in this direction and so we kind of started growing apart in our vision. Jody and Janna wanted to do solo records and I thought that was something that was going to fracture the group and our brand and that did cause some tensions because the other two members really wanted to focus our efforts on the Avalon brand because that’s what was familiar to everyone. So over the years we became not as close and then of course you add something like this which kind of draws a line and you have to choose what side of the line you’re going to be on.
BLADE: Bear with me a sec, but I’m going to read you Jody’s quote to CCM Magazine in April, 2004 when he said: “We had a meeting at Michael’s house one day and he told us he was going to move on to other things. We sat and cried and felt like the rug had been pulled out from under us. Things had felt great with the new group and Michael seemed to get along and blend vocally with (then-new member) Melissa (Greene) really well. But Michael had been with us from the beginning and just felt it was time for him to do something else. It’s weird but since his departure, it seems everyone is looking for some scandalous thing to have happened there. It makes me just want to say, ‘Look, I’m sorry to disappoint you that we don’t have some juicy gossip or ‘Dynasty’ episode happening here.” Based on what you shared in the podcast, that was a gross mischaracterization of how it went down. Did you read that at the time? How did it make you feel?
PASSONS: At the time the record label and management held really right reins on us because they created the group, it was their idea. They wanted to find a group that was already in existence that was two guys, two girls. They couldn’t do it so they said, “Let’s just put one together,” so we never felt like we had ownership of much. … So when management and label say, “This is what you are to say,” it became kind of like a bullshit fest at that point. You just gotta stick with the story and that’s what Jody was doing, he was sticking with the story he was told to say. … That was just the way they chose to handle it at the time. … Interestingly enough, Jody reached out to me after the podcast aired and we had not really talked in 17 years other than bumping into each other in a restaurant and saying a quick hello. We met for about an hour we met at a park here in Nashville and just walked around and he apologized profusely and said his heart was broken when he was listening to that podcast. He was very sincere and I accepted what he had to say and I feel like our relationship has actually — there was some definite closure there as far as what I’d been feeling all of these years and so that was a good thing that came out of this and I’m glad he reached out to me.
The Blade invited McBrayer to comment. In response to the question, “Did you feel muzzled by the label?” he sent this response: “Absolutely muzzled. However I would have never ever said anything to hurt Michael’s reputation. We were asked for years about what happened and myself and my family refused to say anything that would put Michael in a bad light. We were given a statement and told to go with it. We did everything we were told at the time. … Michael knows I love him and hate how all of it went down and how he was treated by the industry. I’m so thankful he’s happy and grown beyond it all now. I will continue to protect him. He will always be family.”
BLADE: Was there any truth to what they were saying? Had you been considering a solo album?
PASSONS: No. I know my strengths and my strength was not as a solo artist. … I enjoyed the team mentality of a group. … I think fans and people outside the industry took the press release at face value but people inside the industry heard pretty quickly what had really happened. Gossip and rumors spread really quickly around Nashville so I just thought, “OK, I’m gonna just start life No. 3 here.” (chuckles)
BLADE: A few other big CCM artists eventually came out like Jennifer Knapp and Ray Boltz. Did you follow that or ever compare notes with them?
PASSONS: I don’t know either of those artists personally. I’ve never really interacted with them. I think we did a show once with Jennifer years and years ago but it was just mainly, “Hello, nice to meet you.” I applaud them for living their best life and telling their truth but I just never felt like mine was necessarily a story that needed to be told. I wasn’t a solo artist. I would get recognized occasionally. People would say, “Oh, you’re that guy who was in that group,” but I would say 80 percent of fans just knew me as the blond guy. So I didn’t feel like I had tons of name recognition or that my story mattered. But in the last few years, I wanted to be more truthful with my family so that’s really where all this came out of.
BLADE: Did anybody else from your CCM days reach out besides Jody?
PASSONS: I’ve received tons of texts and Instagram messages from friends from home, friends from college, fans, strangers. As far as the industry, some people that I haven’t seen in a while. It was very interesting. Amy Grant texted me and told me she listened and thought my story was beautiful in the way I told it and graceful and I appreciated that. Susan Ashton reached out and I haven’t seen her in years. She was very encouraging. She said, “You are seen and heard and loved.” Everything has been overwhelmingly positive.
BLADE: Did you get to know the other artists very well or have much interaction on the multi-artist tours you did like “Emmanuel” or “My Utmost”?
PASSONS: Yeah, we had a lot of time to just hang out, especially on the bus. You’re traveling late at night and everyone’s wired so you’re staying up and visiting. But we were really new artists at that time and we were thrown into a mix of all of these people that were our mentors, our heroes. We were fans of theirs and now we’re all of a sudden peers, just because of how Avalon came together. Our very first tour before we even sang a note on a record was “Young Messiah” in ’95. We had just come together weeks before and just had enough time to record one Christmas song so that we could sing that song on that tour and there we were next to 4 HIM and Point of Grace and Steven Curtis Chapman and Larnelle Harris and that was mind-blowing to be with all these great artists. But yes, everyone was very welcoming had lots of encouragement for us and advice and I actually really enjoyed those tours.
BLADE: I saw you guys once with Twila Paris. What was she like?
PASSONS: That was our first tour (the “Where I Stand Tour” in 1997). We did Young Messiah that Christmas and then we did our record, then we toured with Twila. We were definitely getting our feet wet just seeing how this industry was going to work … how we were gonna mesh as a group because we were thrown on stage and we had to find our blend. Live, It’s one thing to be in the studio and be mixed and blended but to sing live, the Twila Paris tour was really just where we began to hone our craft as a group and so yeah, that was wonderful. I had many good experiences wth that tour. We dd a spring tour and a fall tour with Twila and it was a long tour but we definitely leaned a lot.
BLADE: Is there anybody in CCM who struck you as markedly different from their public persona?
PASSONS: I feel like everyone would be a little different than what you perceive them to be because you only see a very structured view of them by the PR department of the record label. I really enjoyed getting to know Sandi Patty because when you listen to her music, you just don’t pick up on the edge that she has. She has this great sense of humor that’s a little edgy. I don’t know, my image of Sandi Patty was that she was always walking around in some state of meditation or sitting around in a prayer circle because when you’re growing up you just think of someone in such a reverent way because you respected their music so much and she was just she a cut up, she kidded around, she invited us to her home in Indiana at that point just to hang out with her family and I just I enjoyed seeing a whole different side of her. She’s a very strong personality, a strong woman and listening and singing along with her records, it was just good to see the other side of her.
BLADE: What have you been living on all these years?
PASSONS: I play for Point of Grace and also a friend of mine in town, an attorney and I actually work with her in her law practice and of course being friends with the boss, you can leave anytime and so I’m free to travel whenever I need to and want to so that allows me to hang out with Point of Grace and go where they go. 2020 has been interesting. Since March, we’ve only had two shows and they were very small, so it’s been really interesting year for sure.
BLADE: What denomination did you grow up in?
PASSONS: Southern Baptist. A little country church in Mississippi.
BLADE: Are there still elements of Baptist or evangelical theology you struggle with? Queer or otherwise?
PASSONS: I’m past struggling with it. Of course, it’s something I think about often but I don’t struggle with it any longer. … I’ve definitely got a different view of spiritualism. I don’t consider myself religious but I do believe in God and so I do have a spiritual life but it just doesn’t involve organized religion and that’s just where I’ve landed.
BLADE: But do you still believe the Christianity basics — Jesus died for our sins and rose on the third day and so on or is it a broader thing for you?
PASSONS: It’s a broader spiritual thing and like I said in my previous interview, I’m just in this place of my prayer to God is show me what is true. I’m not gonna close my mind to anything, I’m not going to say, “Oh this is what I was taught and I don’t believe that anymore,” I just want to step back and rebuild all those boxes, rebuild what my spirituality is, kind of like just implode it to ground level and let’s start again. I was taught by very well-intended people. All my Sunday School teachers in that little church, they didn’t have any malice, they were well-intended people teaching what they believed. We were spoon fed, so at some point in your life you have to just decide of all that information you took in, what do you really believe? I had to get to the point where I was OK disagreeing and not believing some of the things I was taught. it wasn’t disrespectful to those people, I just have to find my own way.
BLADE: Do you think the conservative, white evangelical world will ever become openly accepting of LGBT people? Is it a lost cause or could it be a whole different story in another generation?
PASSONS: I think there is hope. I’ve seen so much progress in Christian circles just in my lifetime that I never thought I would see. It’s pockets, it’s not widespread, but … I think there is hope. A lot of things used to be justified with scripture that they eventually came around on. (Author) Peter Gomes calls it “the last prejudice of the church.” … After I left, Avalon recorded a song called “Orphans of God,” which I thought was interesting that they were singing it because I was definitely an outcast to them. But now my friend (out country singer) Ty Herndon and Kristen Chenoweth are going to cover it for a Christmas release as a duet and they asked Melissa Greene and I to sing backing vocals on it so now it will take on a whole new meaning. It was a really nice, full circle moment.
BLADE: Did you keep up with what Avalon was doing much after you were kicked out?
PASSONS: No. It would have put me in a bad headspace.
BLADE: Have you had many boyfriends? Are you in a relationship now?
PASSONS: I am. I’m with a wonderful guy now and it’s going well.
BLADE: Not married though?
PASSONS: No, not married (laughs).
BLADE: How long was it before you were comfortable dating guys?
PASSONS: It took me a while, because when all that went down, I internalized a lot of things and I thought, “Well this is my fault,” type of thing. It really took many years for me to just work through all the junk and work through that cloud in my head and so it wasn’t like some big unleashing. It wasn’t like I left Avalon and just started living my best life, it definitely took awhile to repair the hurt that happened from those several years when Avalon was ending and all the things I went through at that point.
BLADE: Do you know of other LGBT people in CCM who are not out?
PASSONS: Yeah, I do. I feel for them because I know that panicky feeling I used to have, that someone might catch on. … But I think a lot of conservative Christians might be naive as to how many people are gay or bi in their church. You learn from a very early age to be a good actor.
BLADE: Who was your favorite Avalon producer to work with?
PASSONS: Brown Bannister produced most of the records when I was in the group. He’s, you know, such an icon in our industry and I have so much reverence for him and so much respect, so it was an honor to work with him. He actually brought out the best in me. There was something about just his people skills and he was just so kind and thoughtful in how he spoke with you and guided you through the recording process. He just took the time, even just to find the right microphone for me, because the mic in the studio can make a world of difference. I remember going through five or six mics before we found the right one. A lot of producers are just like, “OK let’s get this going, all right that’s great on to the next one.” He just took time to make it right and I appreciated that.
BLADE: How long did it take to make those albums on average?
PASSONS: When it came time to record, we would try to just block off weeks where we would just go in there and do vocals, vocals, vocals vocals and really mainly weekdays because we would go out on the weekends and do one-off, you know, weekend dates here and there. So we wouldn’t obviously do a new record in the midst of a tour because we’d want to tour the new record but during our one-offs we would get in there and try to get in it done and probably over the course of a month and a half, two months, we would have everything done.
BLADE: How involved were you all with the vocal arrangements? I always loved that outro and all those layers on “We Are the Reason,” for instance. How did you come up with all those intricate lines?
PASSONS: We had a great vocal vocal producer named Michael Mellett and he had been a studio singer in Nashville a long time and had toured with Billy Joel as a background singer. He would come in and help arrange our parts and he was amazing at it. And I remember he did work on our Christmas record and I remember that outro those alternate melodies that he helped us come up with, I loved that too. I felt like that really updated the song. It’s interesting because when we did it it was 20 years old and now it’s been 20 years since we did it, so it needs to be done again now. But it was my favorite song growing up. I used to sing it with an accompaniment tape at my little country church when I was a kid.
BLADE: Yeah, I love it too. Did (songwriter) David Meece ever say anything after you guys cut it?
PASSONS: Indirectly. I think he might have said something to Brown but we heard that he liked it.
BLADE: Who’s a celebrity who would exemplify your type?
PASSONS: (laughs) My type, wow. I’m definitely attracted to someone who is confident but not cocky, someone who has sensitivity but is not overly sensitive, someone who’s just confident in themselves, that’s a big attraction to me. If I were to throw out a celebrity I see a lot of those qualities in, and maybe I’m wrong, but someone like Bradley Cooper.
BLADE: Did you guys in Avalon have any say in choosing singles?
PASSONS: We were included in conversations but I feel like ultimately the label got what they wanted. There’s one little battle that we won and in retrospect not just one, but I just remember this instance, where the label disagreed with us about what we should call our second record and had we listened to the label, we probably would have sold a lot more. They wanted us to call it “Testify to Love” and we had no idea when we were naming the record and about to release it that that would be the one song that Avalon would be known for or that it be our biggest song ever. We thought “A Maze of Grace” was such a clever title. They disagreed but they let us do what we wanted. But who knew “Testify to Love” would become such a huge song for us?
BLADE: Was (Sparrow president) Bill Hearn around much?
PASSONS: We would see him periodically and even his father Billy Ray, who started the company, they’re both deceased now, but they were very approachable. They weren’t always in our meetings because we were more with A&R and publicity and stylists but when they were around, they were very approachable, very hands on.
BLADE: When you win a Dove Award, did you each get one or just one for the group?
PASSONS: At the ceremony, just one is given but then they mail three more to you like a month later.
BLADE: Where do you keep yours?
PASSONS: I have a little study/office that I’m sitting in right now. I just have them on a shelf along with some pictures and mementos and things I like to keep out. The interesting story about one our Dove Awards is our first Dove Award for new artist of the year and that was in 1998 I believe, and we got new artist of the year at the 29th Dove Awards and that was the year that Whitney Houston performed with Dottie Rambo … and we were backstage after we won doing a press junket so I missed her performance and I’m a huge Whitney Houston fan, like I would rival anyone else saying they’re a huge Whitney Houston fan. (laughs) She’s pretty much my all-time favorite artist. So after the show some press people wanted to take a photo of Whitney holding a Dove Award. She didn’t have one so Jody was standing close by with his and they said, “Can we have your Dove Award for a picture,” and so Whitney took our Dove Award and had her picture made with it and of course that was the only one we got that night and our manager said, “OK I’m gonna take that to the office and hold it ’til the others come in and you all can come by and pick them up,” and so before he could get to it, I got that particular one and took a Sharpie and made a mark on the bottom of it and the day that our manager said, “OK you can come by and pick up the Dove Awards they’re all in,” I was first one in there and I picked them all up and looked for the one I made the mark on because I wanted the one that Whitney had held. So I’m holding it right now, I’ve got that one in my hand and I always think of Whitney.
BLADE: Who were your favorite CCM acts growing up? Or did you listen to more pop?
PASSONS: I listened to a lot of pop and and country. My family is from a rural Mississippi town so country music was really most of what was on the radio and I love that old ’70s country. I still listen to it just because it has a lot of good memories. But I didn’t really know there was such a thing as CCM other than, you know, like Bill and Gloria Gaither-type stuff until I was in high school and someone handed me a tape of “Age to Age” by Amy Grant and that just lit a fire in me like I had no idea this type of thing existed, this is what I want to do. And of course I’ve just been I was a fan of Amy Grant from that day on and she was definitely a huge influence in the way I would sing music, the way I would write music, I would listen to interviews of her and I would just — she was a great teacher in that respect of just knowing how to respond to questions, how to react to people, just her demeanor, how she handled herself, she was definitely a role model.
BLADE: So that must have been mind-blowing to work with her producer (Brown Bannister) all those years later.
PASSONS: Yeah, definitely. And then her text last week, yeah, that was a nice moment.
BLADE: Why didn’t the more progressive Christian denominations ever have their own version of CCM? There are a few fledgling queer gospel singers out there but nothing like the machine that CCM was. Maybe they didn’t care as much if their kids listened to Metallica or whatever?
PASSONS: I think your theory might hold some weight, just that the conservative Christians were looking for an alternative for them and their families to listen to. One thing I think there probably wouldn’t have been a market in the liberal circles to sustain the industry, they wouldn’t have purchased the CDs and the music. It was the conservatives who made this a business and the Christian music business is a business. You have to be making money to be in CCM, that’s the dichotomy that I’ve always wrestled with. CCM depended on Becky, and I’ll tell you who Becky is. Becky is the pseudonym for their target audience. So any meeting we were in, it was always asked, “What would Becky buy, would Becky like this song?” And Becky is a 20-, 30- or 40-something conservative Christian female and she was the target audience because she was the ones buying the CDs and the tapes and downloading the music and so I think that’s maybe why the conservative church has kind of a market on CCM music.
BLADE: Is she related to Karen?
PASSONS: (laughs) That’s funny. If they’re not related, they’re probably best friends.
BLADE: When your bandmates came to your house that day, did it feel like it was coming from a place of love and concern or did it feel like a power play? Like they were trying to oust you?
PASSONS: It did feel like a power play. There were some very complicated personalities in the group and so it definitely — I did not feel much love that day.
BLADE: To me, it was like when Florence got kicked out of the Supremes. They could go on and do whatever they want, but without Florence, it wasn’t the Supremes. Without you, it wasn’t Avalon. The one female singer didn’t matter so much because she always changed. That was like the new season of “Charlie’s Angels,” you always knew she would change. But when you left, it was never the same.
PASSONS: I appreciate that, I’ve heard several say that and it’s always good to know that my contribution is something that was missed.

a&e features
The 40th anniversary of ‘Pee-wee’s Playhouse’ was a celebration of weird, queer art
This star-studded evening commemorated the impact this kids’ show continues to have today.
There is only one ‘magic’ word to describe The 40th Anniversary of Pee-wee’s Playhouse: fantastic.
Hosted at the Greek Theater as part of Netflix is a Joke, the streaming service’s yearly comedy festival, this event commemorated four decades of this pivotal program influencing modern artists. The evening was a variety show packed with a jaw-dropping lineup of stars; whether it be musical acts like The B-52s and Devo, or comedians like Patton Oswalt and Cheri Oteri, more than a dozen celebrities came out to show how much this series means to them. It featured memorabilia from the original set, clips from unaired episodes, and tributes to the many performers who made the show so unforgettable for millions of children then and now. And, in keeping with Pee-wee’s Playhouse traditions, the 40th Anniversary even got its own magic word for attendees to scream about whenever it was uttered: fantastic.
Above all else, The 40th Anniversary Of Pee-wee’s Playhouse honored how this show continues to influence artists today. It was a monumental series that encouraged everyone watching to go after what they truly wanted in life, no matter how ‘weird’ those dreams may be. And for LGBTQ+ watchers especially, it gave thousands of young viewers the confidence they needed to be their most authentic, absolutely oddest selves, even after the TV was turned off.
“Listen, no matter who you are, there was someone in puppet land to make you feel safe,” said Bob the Drag Queen, as the RuPaul’s Drag Race season eight winner stepped onto the 40th Anniversary stage. She was, of course, referring to the setting that Pee-wee’s Playhouse inhabited, a home filled with countless puppets (often personified pieces of furniture, animals, and the occasional dummy) and people who went on wild adventures with Pee-wee. Every watcher had their favorite character, but Bob came onstage ready to honor one beauty in particular: Miss Yvonne.
A dolled-up queen who always boasted about her looks, the Drag Queen spoke about how uplifting Miss Yvonne was for her young audience. “We often talk about how beautiful Miss Yvonne is, but I feel like we don’t often talk enough about how inspirational Miss Yvonne truly is!” Bob explained. “We live in a world that is constantly telling people to shrink themselves, to doubt themselves, to be humble, to wait for permission — and Miss Yvonne did the opposite of all of that! She decided who she was…and maybe [that’s something to learn from, because sometimes becoming who you are starts with believing it before anyone else does.”
It’s a message of self-acceptance that resonated throughout Pee-wee’s Playhouse; Pee-wee encouraged children to be their strangest, realest selves…by always being his strangest, realest self. He played with gender expression and constantly criticized cultural norms, with many episodes telling children that their voices matter (no matter what the adults around them say). For queer viewers, this was a monumental lesson in ignoring anyone who tells you you’re ‘wrong.’ Through Pee-wee’s Playhouse, they not only got to see someone who shirked cultural norms, but were finally told that it was okay to be different than how society told them to be.
Pee-wee’s message of self-love is what spurred many artists onto the successful careers they have today. And for Julio Torres and Patti Harrison, this allowed them to create the anarchic artistry that audiences were lucky to see at the 40th Anniversary.
It’s hard to characterize Julio Torres’ set, largely because the Problemista and Fantasmas star spent most of it desperately reaching for a can of Diet Coke mounted on a pole above his head. Dressed in a bedazzled suit once-worn by Pee-wee himself, the late Paul Reubens, Torres barely spoke about the show this event was commemorating. He instead lamented about the indignity of his situation (being deprived of Diet Coke) and how he yearned for the ease of youth (when he always had Diet Coke). Yet while he barely Pee-wee’s Playhouse, Torres’ irreverent humor — and the way he plays with surrealism and color schemes in every project — illustrates how much Pee-wee’s Playhouse continues to influence his current work.
One of the 40th Anniversary’s true highlights was Patti Harrison, who spent her first minutes onstage monologuing about her difficult childhood and the impact Pee-Wee’s Playhouse had on her younger self. “I’m really honored to be here,” she timidly began. “I truly feel like I owe so much of what I get to do now and who I am today to artists like Paul Rubens and Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and getting to have that growing up…I feel very fortunate.”
Harrison then went on to describe the horrors of her childhood, the abuse she endured from bullies, and the nonstop torture she faced daily…before cleverly using the secret word to make the entire Greek Theater shout with glee at her traumatic storytelling.
After this, Patti reverted to the hilariously vulgar comedy she’s known for, but the performer never stopped crediting Pee-wee’s Playhouse for inspiring countless queer performers to pursue their art today. Between screaming about her mother’s body and poop jokes she reminded the audience that many LGBTQ+ artists wouldn’t have gone after their dreams if not for the lessons taught by this show. She ended her time onstage with a perfect summary of everything this event represented, shouting at everyone in attendance: “Stay freaky, stay weird, and long live Pee-wee!”
This was the true message of The 40th Anniversary Of Pee-wee’s Playhouse and the series it was created to celebrate. The event not only showcased memorabilia and memories from the show — though that was certainly a wonderful aspect of it — but offered a long list of performers whose careers testify the impact Pee-wee’s Playhouse had on everyone lucky enough to watch it. Through this anniversary, the queer community is reminded of how our culture was shaped by the unbridled, chaotic joy that Pee-wee’s Playhouse embodied in every episode.
And with over 40 years of inspiring artists, there is only one word that truly describes the legacy of Pee-wee’s Playhouse that LGBTQ+ people can still learn from today: great.
Just kidding. Fantastic.
a&e features
On ‘The Pitt,’ Amielynn Abellera brings the Filipino healthcare representation she wishes she had growing up
Abellera reflects on Nurse Perlah’s journey on HBO Max’s hit show
Amielynn Abellera grew up with a nurse practitioner mother and a doctor father, so perhaps she was always destined to appear in a show like The Pitt. Looking at popular media as a Filipino child, though, she never saw “authentic representation” when watching shows about healthcare workers.
“If I did have representation, I would have been more curious and more celebratory, and want to investigate more and ask [my parents] questions,” she tells The Blade. “It’s never too late, and now that there is representation, it’s really making waves across the Filipino and Filipino-American community to initiate conversations.”
Acting on HBO Max’s The Pitt, as she has since the very first episode, carries a deeper meaning for Abellera, who plays the steady and empathetic Nurse Perlah. The second season once again follows a full 15-hour shift in the ER, this time taking place on the Fourth of July.
Abellera reflects on Perlah’s journey: “As a nurse, she is really good at her job, she’s really calm and composed and confident. She knows how to protect herself in such a challenging career. That has been part of how she’s able to get through it. In this season, on this particular day, she hits some challenges, and we start to see a little bit of that armor crack — just a tiny bit.”
It’s been a breakthrough role for Abellera, who previously appeared in episodes of The Cleaning Lady, Bosch: Legacy, and NCIS. The unique filming style of The Pitt, where every episode is synchronized with one hour in the hospital, has given Abellera a new experience altogether: “It feels very sporadic, very panicked, and very immediate.”
“It does feel like I’m waking up at five in the morning, starting a shift, and doing a 12-hour day. Sometimes, the reality mixed with the not-reality and the pretend can sort of meld together,” she says, while adding with a laugh, “I’m not a nurse, I’m nowhere near anything being a healthcare worker, of course, but sometimes you end up thinking, ‘I can actually put an IV in!’”
As she looks back on the season at large, one episode that stands out to her is Episode 3 (titled 9:00 A.M.), which incorporated the 2018 Tree of Life synagogue shooting that took place in Pittsburgh, where the show is also located. In a poignant moment, a Jewish patient named Yana (played by Irina Dubova) connects with Perlah, who wears a hijab.
“Quite honestly, I didn’t know so much about the shooting until we started working,” she says. “I really loved how simple the scene was, in terms of it being two people just connecting and caring for each other in that moment, and also acknowledging this bigger thing. It took both Yana and Perlah by surprise — the feelings that came up for them. I remember even filming it; it took both of us by surprise.”
When I ask about bringing both Filipino and queer representation to the show, Abellera says “I know I sound like a broken record. But I’m so proud, and it’s such an honor to be able to represent the Filipino community as healthcare workers. It’s such a big part of Filipino history and my personal history.”
On the show, she’s also found solidarity with Isa Briones and Kristin Villanueva. “Something I like about the three of us is we’re three different dimensions of Filipino,” she says.
Beyond the community she’s cultivated with her cast on-set, The Pitt has been celebrated across the entire industry, most recently winning the ensemble in a drama series prize at the Actor Awards and, of course, the Emmy award for best drama series. The Actor Award recognition was especially notable since it brought the main cast together on stage. With Season 3 already in the works, one can only imagine how many more awards the show will nab.
“I don’t think anybody knew that we were so hungry for this type of going back to how television used to be,” Abellera says, noting the 15-episode order for Season 2. “It’s taken all demographics by surprise.”
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From Glenn Close to Carol Burnett: How this year’s TCM Classic Film Festival highlighted female icons
The festival was a true celebration of both past and present, and how female icons have shaped so many different generations
As the ever-fashionable Glenn Close walked out in front of the TCL Chinese Theatre sporting a pair of circular shades, sitting down in a chair to block out the sun from her view, she looked a lot like Norma Desmond, the character she brought new dimensions to while starring in Sunset Boulevard on Broadway.
Unlike the famous character she played that lost touch with reality decades after finding success as an actor, Close is one of the rare actors to continue finding success decades after achieving stardom. The eight-time Oscar nominee, who landed her first nomination back in 1983 for The World According to Garp, was surrounded by her family, including her granddaughter, and a very well-behaved white dog that accompanied her on stage. Many of her close collaborators were also in attendance, including Melissa McCarthy and Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping director Frances Lawrence.
The crowd, which included select press and TCM passholders, hung on Close’s words as she reflected on the kind of career most aspiring actors dream of. This was the kind of event the TCM Classic Film Festival does best — not just the yearly Hand & Footprint Ceremony where stars get their hands and feet imprinted by the TCL Chinese Theatre, but the daily programming that connects passionate film fans with the female icons they grew up watching and idolizing. It was a true celebration of both past and present. Where else can classic movie fans not only see an icon like Close receive their dues, but share that moment with the actor’s loved ones?
Close’s ceremony was just the beginning of the action. The festival also gave attendees the chance to hear Carol Burnett and Barbara Hershey speak in dedicated one-hour Q&As; Faye Dunaway, Laura Dern, Sharon Stone, Julia Sweeney, Lorna Luft and Lesley Ann Warren all presented different screenings throughout the four-day festival in Los Angeles (read The Blade’s coverage of Warren’s talk before Victor/Victoria here), while Close herself presented a screening of 1988’s Dangerous Liaisons.
The line just to get into Burnett’s conversation was the longest I saw at this year’s festival, quite literally spiraling around the lobby of the historic Roosevelt Hotel to the point where people couldn’t locate where it even ended. The crowd immediately took to their knees once Burnett walked into the room. In a conversation with TCM host Ben Mankiewicz, the seven-time Emmy winner looked back on the origins of her TV career and the women who mentored her.
Burnett would go on to make history as the first woman to host a variety show with The Carol Burnett Show, which ran on CBS from 1967 to 1978. One of the most surprising bits of her conversation was her freeing experience working with studio executives.
“When we got our show, [William S. Paley] said to us, ‘You’re the artist, I’m the businessman. You do what I do, I’ll do what I do. Go do your thing. If it’s not working, I’ll be in touch,’” Burnett recalled. “We never had a sponsor bothering us, or the network bothering us,” adding that the writers’ room was free of outside influence. In today’s media landscape, such a story is unheard of.
Beyond these incredible stories shared by beloved actors, the festival was also an opportunity for different generations to connect through their shared love of film. As a young queer person myself, I’ve noticed how TCM can sometimes be unfairly labeled as a network solely for older people. While the festival’s attendees certainly skew older, the wide variety of female stars drew in multiple different generations; from the women who grew up on Burnett’s variety show in the ‘60s and the ‘70s, to today’s young audiences — mainly gay men! — who fell in love with Laura Dern through more recent hits like Big Little Lies and Marriage Story.
That’s part of what makes the festival so wonderful: the opportunity to connect with all different kinds of people while waiting in line for screenings and panels, and reflecting on how everyone came across a piece of media at a different point in their life. As a queer person, many of these actors resonate with me in a completely different way than they might for older women who grew up seeing a female comedian like Burnett pave the way for more representation.
The opportunity to see living legends in person hits even harder after the recent passing of Catherine O’Hara, Diane Keaton, and Rob Reiner. This theme of crossing generations and passing the baton down couldn’t have been made clearer than the way Mankiewicz chose to close his conversation with Burnett, who reminisced on how I Love Lucy star Lucille Ball became a crucial mentor and friend before her death in 1989.
“I’m listening to you with Amy Poehler and the way she talked about you … the way Tina Fey feels about you,” Mankiewicz said. “To that generation of these brilliantly funny women — and plenty of men, too — you’re Lucille.”
It was impossible to leave that room without thinking about Burnett’s signature line: “I’m so glad we had this time together.”
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Lesley Ann Warren thought ‘Victor/Victoria’ would end her career; then came queer icon status
At the TCM Classic Film Festival, Warren helped introduce a screening of the 1982 camp classic
When Lesley Ann Warren first watched a cut of the campy musical comedy Victor/Victoria, in which she plays Norma Cassidy, the extravagant showgirl known for shouting “Pookie!”, she thought she’d never land a part again.
“I was so shocked to see myself that way, and I went home, and I cried, for a long time, I thought my career is over. It’s just over!” Warren said before a packed Saturday, May 2 screening of Victor/Victoria at the TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood, California, moderated by TCM’s Dave Karger. “So I never thought about [an Oscar nomination].”
Directed by Blake Edwards (Breakfast at Tiffany’s), the film stars Julie Andrews as Victoria Grant, a down-on-her-luck performer who meets an older gay man (played by Robert Preston) and winds up posing as a man impersonating a woman on stage. As her artistic career takes off, though, so does her romantic one, as the insecure gangster King Marchand (played by James Garner), who starts off in a relationship with Norma, begins wondering if his attraction to Victoria (or Victor, as she’s known to the outside world) makes him gay. Following the 1982 film, Victor/Victoria was adapted into a 1995 Broadway musical; Andrews was the only part of the production to be Tony-nominated (she famously declined the recognition.)
In 1983, Warren would go on to receive an Oscar nomination in the supporting actress category; Andrews and Preston also earned acting nominations, and the film was recognized for adapted screenplay, production design, and costume design, even winning for its music. Warren’s nomination was surprising because the Academy rarely values comedic, over-the-top performances.
“I honestly didn’t even keep track. I knew that MGM was doing this incredible campaign for me, but I wasn’t a part of it because I was working [on A Night in Heaven], and different times,” Warren recalls, explaining she found out about the nomination after producer Joel Silver called her early in the morning. “It was an out-of-body experience. They had to stop filming that day — all these outlets like Entertainment Tonight flew in to see my reaction … It was thrilling.”

Even more so than the Academy’s recognition in 1983, Warren’s status as a queer icon who resonates deeply with LGBTQ+ audiences has stuck with her, mainly for her work in Victor/Victoria, Cinderella, and, of course, cult favorite Clue. When asked about what that status means to her, Warren expressed strong enthusiasm for her queer fans.
“I wouldn’t say it’s a surprise, I’m thrilled because I love them,” Warren said. “Especially Clue and Victor/Victoria, there’s such larger-than-life women in a way, and that’s really part of the appeal. But I was telling you backstage, I have gotten incredible responses from many people, but two specific people who happen to be brilliant directors.”
Warren said she heard this feedback from openly queer filmmakers Rob Marshall, who went on to direct Chicago and Into the Woods, and Lee Daniels, who helmed The Butler and Precious. “The pain that Cinderella went through and the ostracizing, [Daniels] felt as a child,” she recalled. “He said he used to sit in the corner of his bedroom and sing ‘In My Own Little Corner,’ and it gave him comfort.”
It didn’t take Warren nabbing the Oscar nomination, or the queer community’s love and admiration, for her to come around on her performance in Victor/Victoria, though: everything clicked at the film’s premiere. “I heard and saw the reaction of the people in the flesh, in the moment, and I thought, ‘Oh, I’m going to be OK!’”
Based on the contagious, uproarious laughter that could be heard across the entire TCL Chinese Theatre on Saturday night, Warren’s campy-as-hell performance in Victor/Victoria continues to steal the show nearly 45 years later.
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Meet your local go-go dancer: Steven Dehler
Dancer, certified trainer, and star performer, ready to impart his fitness wisdom to LA Blade readers
Go-go dancers offer a spicy jolt to nightlife. Their hot bodies and high-energy dancing inspire and titillate us, helping to make every night extra special. Steven Dehler has not only done that for the last decade in West Hollywood and Palm Springs, but he’s brought this same energy to the world of dance, fitness, and modeling.
You may have seen him at The Abbey or Beaches Tropicana, and he was even crowned this year’s Go-Go of the Year at the Los Angeles Blade’s Best of LA awards show. He’s an accomplished model for various fitness and underwear brands, as well as starring in fashion, editorials, print, runway, and appearing on romance novel covers.
Beyond the go-go box, he’s an accomplished musician and pianist. He has performed on stage for Voss Events burlesque shows, and you can see him on stage in Beauty of Burlesque at the historic Old Globe Theatre in Downtown LA. He’s worked in film and television, appearing on Ellen, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and Will & Grace.
He also co-hosts the podcast, On the Rocks, with the Blade’s own Alexander Rodriguez. He’s set to formally join the LA Blade family offering his physical prowess and fitness know-how to LA Blade readers in an upcoming Health and Fitness column for the Blade.
He took some time out to share his history, hot takes, and thoughts from both on and offstage for a look behind the g-string and into his life.
How long have you been performing?
I’ve been dancing for about thirteen years.
How did you get into go-go dancing?
I was already working in the clubs doing bottle service and wasn’t making particularly good money. The person I was dating at the time go-go danced,, and I saw how much money he was making and how much fun he was having so I started dancing with him.
What do you do besides dancing?
What don’t I do? Haha, God, I dip my feet in everything I can, and I’m discovering new ponds constantly. I’m a classically trained pianist, so I always try to incorporate that into my life. In the last few years, I’ve gotten into burlesque, which has been so gratifying, especially learning choreography. I’m not a trained dancer, and I’m pushing 40, so I’m getting into something at an age most dancers are retiring. I cohost a popular podcast called On the Rocks. And besides that, I’ve modeled for 20 years and acted as well.

What do you love about gogo dancing? And nightlife in LA?
I just love to dance. And as someone who’s introverted, I never thought I’d be on stage in my underwear entertaining people. But here I am!
What do you think has changed about nightlife?
That’s a heavy question. So much has changed about nightlife. I’d say the 2010s were really the renaissance of nightlife, and that’s when I appeared on the scene. Since COVID and changes in dynamics with alcohol and Gen Z, nightlife is struggling. Clubs and bars are closing left and right, and many are hemorrhaging money. It’s depressing seeing all the empty businesses in West Hollywood. It’s not good nowadays in LA compared to a decade ago.
What do you love about Los Angeles?
I love LA. I was born in Simi Valley, so I’ve been LA-adjacent since birth. It’s rare for locals to stick around,, haha. This town is really difficult, but it’s full of such amazing people. If you’re true to yourself you’ll find your people here. I’m always meeting new and beautiful people.
What brought you to LA, specifically?
I always thought I’d do great things in LA, and I’m not satisfied until I achieve them.
What is your passion?
Piano is my absolute passion. Music is always evolving, and there are always things for me to learn. I just recently learned a piece from a video game (my other passion) called “Expedition 33.” I’m a big gamer, so I play Super Mario music, Zelda, and Final Fantasy. Y’all do not realize how talented the musicians are who create the soundtracks to these games.
What’s an interesting thing you learned about life from dancing?
I don’t think I realized how socially awkward the general public is. I’ve had people come up to me and just not speak when they wanted to. I experience so many awkward moments with people, but we make them fun and normal, and I think people appreciate that we dancers make them feel okay about who they are.
Favorite spot in Los Angeles?
I love Malibu. El Matador is my favorite spot ever. It’s gorgeous and secluded. I’ve done many photo shoots there.
How has Los Angeles changed you?
Los Angeles has made me more confident. You have to be sure of yourself here. It really can suck you in and spit you out, and if you don’t have a strong sense of self then it can devour you. It’s strengthened me in ways I didn’t think I needed. Never jaded though! Take the lessons and rise above them! ,
What piece of advice would you give to your younger self?
I’d tell my younger self to work out my legs more LOL. I played soccer for 14 years, so when I started dancing, I was really top-heavy. I only worked out my upper body, and I did a disservice to myself by not working on my legs.
If you could make one wish for Los Angeles what would it be?
My one wish for Los Angeles would be to get rid of the smog!
What do you want for the queer community?
I want the queer community to come together more. This whole LGB without the T is so disgusting to me, and becoming more prevalent. There are a lot of people in our community who are just uneducated about the fact that our trans brothers and sisters are being targeted across the globe. We’ve got to be better about protecting them.
What do you look for in a person?
I look for humor. If we can laugh every day, then I’m happy.

Celebrity crush?
Honestly, I’m not crushing on any celebrities right now. Bored.
What is your favorite thing to do in your downtime?
My favorite thing is playing video games. I’m such a huge gay-mer. My dad introduced me to games when I was like five, playing the original DOOM.
What are your goals for the future?
My goal for the future is to continue to do what I love. It’s not easy. What you want to do doesn’t necessarily provide you a living, but you gotta do what you love in some aspect. So as long as I’m still doing what I love, I’ll be happy.
Are you excited about your new column with the LA Blade?
Absolutely! I’ve been working out for 20 years, and I’m a certified trainer and bodybuilding specialist, so I’m very excited to share my knowledge and advice with readers.
Keep an eye out for Dehler around town and in the pages of the Blade very soon. Follow him on Instagram and listen to him on the On the Rocks Podcast every week.
a&e features
The strange, surreal and sensual underground cinema of Quentin Lee
Lee celebrates 30 years of crafting indie, queer Asian American flicks with a local screening series starting May 1.
In Quentin Lee’s spirited feature film debut, Shopping for Fangs, viewers are shown shards of stories: pieces of narratives that are spliced and, sometimes, hastily shoved together in a way that inspires whiplash, excitement, and unnerving anticipation. We are thrown into a San Gabriel Valley of the late ‘90s and shown its darker underbelly: an image that betrays its tranquil real-life reputation.
This is not the San Gabriel Valley I grew up in (but perhaps wish I did). It’s an uncanny, noir version of it that draws inspiration from reality and remixes it with style through Lee’s risque, imaginative lens.
Shopping for Fangs starts at the scene of a crime, where a man has pinned a woman against a wall in the dark. Suddenly, another figure appears, dressed in a sparkly champagne dress, a curly blonde Marilyn Monroe-esque wig, and sunglasses that, we will soon discover, are permanently fixed onto her face. She draws a gun at the man, threatening to “blow his face off,” and her fragment of the film’s story begins.
The 1997 feature weaves together the lives of several Asian American characters and explores their queerness, their yearning to belong, and the ways that these angsts transform into physical and mental affliction. Phil, a bored and indifferent office worker, begins to grow hair at a rapid rate and act out in all-consuming aggression. His storyline, written by the film’s co-director, Justin Lin of Fast & Furious fame, is a werewolf tale that digs into stereotypes around Asian American masculinity and rejects them with energetic rebellion.
Shopping for Fangs marks the beginning of a 30-year legacy for Lee: one in which he has continually explored what it means to be queer, Asian American, and to navigate stigma, racial identities, and sexual longing in an increasingly tech-centered world through the 90s and early 2000s. His films are beasts of their own: hybridizing person and monster, desire and animosity, reality and fantasy to create poignant stories where his untethered characters break from their molds, transform, and find their own forms of catharsis.
Beginning on Friday, May 1, Lee’s films will be screened in a special retrospective at the Laemmle Royal in Los Angeles. The opening night features a viewing of Shopping for Fangs and a Q&A with Lee and Lin.
To celebrate and understand Lee’s journey, the Blade sat down with him to discuss his early years making movies and how his art has helped him understand his own identity more.
What films intrigued you when you were young, before you started making movies?
I grew up as a teenager watching a lot of horror films, and then I became really into Brian De Palma and Hitchcock genre thrillers. I remember I was maybe 15 in Hong Kong, and I picked up this Premiere magazine right before we were leaving for Canada. Brian De Palma had all the storyboards of Casualties of War laid out, and I said, ‘Oh my god, this is the kind of filmmaker I want to become.’
I graduated from UC Berkeley, and [there] I started dabbling in experimental filmmaking. So I’d say, as a filmmaker, I really started off with experimental video, video art, and things like that. [Then], I applied to UCLA Film School and didn’t get in. I thought: I’m not going to wait for UCLA before I start making movies. So I made my first short film called “To Ride a Cow.” I did it with my friend, my then-boyfriend, and also with my best girl friend.
Then, I was traveling to film festivals with my little short film…I think it was ‘93. It was really a fun year that I got to learn a lot more about storytelling, literature, and literary theory at the same time. I remember I was really young. “To Ride a Cow” won the best student film award at the New England Film Festival. I drove from Yale to Boston for that screening. And the programmer was saying something like: ‘Well, all you need to do is just go to the film festivals and talk to some people, and you’ll be making your next film.’ And the next thing, [I’m here] like, 30 years later. [Laughs]
Your first feature, Shopping for Fangs, has been described as the cinematic lovechild of David Lynch and Wong Kar-wai. In the story, every character is fragmented, and the narrative explores their deep isolation, misbelonging, or unfulfilled desire. What was it like for you to create these characters, and did they reflect underlying themes that you wanted to explore as a young filmmaker?
I realized further down the line, all my films are about someone trying to look for a connection to the world, but they’re not really sure how. And that very much is how, emotionally, I’ve felt most of my life, even till today. I was an immigrant from Hong Kong, moved to Canada, and then moved to America, came out as being queer, and then also found this new kind of Asian American identity.
In the beginning, I wasn’t even sure I was going to stay in America, so I didn’t completely identify with being Asian American. And then eventually, after I graduated, I thought: You know what? That’s actually a really good identity. Shopping for Fangs is about that. It’s about all these really fragmented characters, whether it’s Phil or Katherine or the husband, and even Clarence, who is this queer Singaporean student trying to get a VISA. That’s kind of me. John Cho didn’t know he was playing me. It’s about them finding a place to belong. That became a throughline for most of my movies.
[Before making Shopping for Fangs], I had put a collection of my short films together, and I premiered them as a feature at the Vancouver International Film Festival. I was coming back in [the winter] of ‘95, and I was really good friends with Justin. I said: ‘Why don’t we make a feature together? You can write a story. I can write [one]. It’s like Chungking Express!’ We spent Christmas writing together. He wrote the story about the werewolf, the Asian American guy.
I wrote this thing about…I was really obsessed with going to Monterey Park and the Alhambra, San Gabriel Valley area. And I thought: Okay, I want to write something about that. I was also into Hitchcock influences, so, in the end, I came up with the story of Katherine, and we mashed them together. Then, I applied for a Canada Council for the Arts grant, and they wrote: ‘Here’s $50,000. Go make the movie.’ Then, we made it. We started in the summer of ‘96, and I knew that I had to start a company. I started Margin Films to be the entity that produced it.
I didn’t have a status. I wasn’t American, wasn’t even a resident, so I thought: Well, I guess the only entity I could start is a C-corporation — because I needed to make Shopping for Fangs.
It was such a moment to watch Shopping for Fangs and be like: Oh, I grew up going to this plaza in the San Gabriel Valley, and now I see it as a centerpiece of a film. You imbue it with mystery, and it, in turn, imbues your film with more mystery as well. About finding connection, how did that ethos evolve in the making of your later films like Ethan Mao and The People I’ve Slept With? Visually, they’re more stripped down. Was that intentional?
Ethan Mao was about this kid who just came out, and he’s trying to figure out where he really belongs. He runs away from home. In “The People I’ve Slept With,” the main character is semi-inspired by the actress in it. At some point, I was listening to David Lynch, [and he said]: ‘Every story has a different way to do it.’ So, there really is no one way to make a movie. Every movie, what I actually do is try to find out: ‘What is this? How should I approach the aesthetics,’ and with Ethan Mao, I’m playing a lot.
Because of my experimental background, I wanted everything in the house to be like a Greek drama, shot in 35 millimeter film. Everything outside the house, I wanted to be digital video. And the digital video was transferred to film. That became the aesthetics for Ethan Mao and his world. And then with The People I’ve Slept With, it was the beginning of digital film technology, and it was the first time I made a decent-budgeted film with a digital camera. It was very exciting and, at the same time, I was nervous. It’s interesting and reminds me of how technology changes as our culture also changes.
With this upcoming screening series, what do you hope to impart on queer Asian American people who might be seeing your films for the first time?
I hope to have a new generation of audiences take a look at Shopping for Fangs. When it came out, people were like: ‘What is this? It’s not even Asian American. The characters are Asian, but there’s nothing about Asian American identity.’ It was very annoying to hear that, because obviously me and Justin were thinking: ‘We have all this ideology, all these things in it.’ Eventually, years later, more writing on it [has come out], so people started to understand: It actually is about identity.
A message that I want to [tell] new generations of diverse, queer, and all combinations of different audiences, is that they should go out and experiment. Each of my films is very different, and I think people should just go out and make things, and not have to worry so much about what they should be making. They should be making what they want to make. I started my journey doing exactly that, so I guess I’m pretty happy about it.
Kristie Song is a California Local News Fellow placed with the Los Angeles Blade. The California Local News Fellowship is a state-funded initiative to support and strengthen local news reporting. Learn more about it at fellowships.journalism.berkeley.edu/cafellows.
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Catherine McCafferty is ‘Pretty Gay’
The viral comedian and talk show host discusses building an online community for her queer fans.
If you’re queer and have used social media in recent years, odds are you’ve seen (and cackled at) a clip of the LA-based performer, Catherine McCafferty.
The comedian first gained attention through clips from her web series, Pretty Gay. A hybrid interview and dating show, it features our host chatting with LGBTQ+ celebrities while running them through the chaotic activities she has planned for their faux-date. It’s the embodiment of the cringe-humor McCafferty has perfected over the years, a humor she recently took international through her comedy special, (Not) That Bad, and that she continues to share online as Pretty Gay enters its fourth season on Patreon.
McCafferty perfectly maneuvers the chaos of cringe-comedy while still facilitating intriguing conversations of what queerness looks like for her ‘dates’ today. She sat down with the LA Blade to talk not only about Pretty Gay but how she developed this unique sense of humor, with the host beginning the conversation by explaining, “I was a little bit of a haunted child.”
“I had a deep sadness since I was born, and I still have that. But I do think that goes hand-in-hand with being a silly goose and being a comedian!” Catherine exclaimed, as the jovial host candidly described her lifelong struggles with mental health. She detailed her past with the lightness that fans know her for, speaking about growing up in Chicago and the compulsory heterosexuality that held her back from coming out until adulthood. It’s an issue that many face today; mainstream society dictates that heterosexuality is the only ‘right’ way to live, with girls especially being told that the only path to true happiness is one that ends with marrying a man. “I used to say that I was going to marry a man and watch him die, and then I would have a second life where I dated women!” Said McCafferty, discussing how she struggled to unlearn these toxic beliefs before coming out in her 20s. “When you’re holding on to something [like that] for so long, and then the dam breaks, it’s like… that [freedom] is just so abundant.”
It was through this self-discovery that McCafferty finally gained the confidence to begin her career as a standup in Chicago’s historic comedy scene. This was when she started considering what she wanted her comedy to be, content that would not only carry her trademark sardonic wit, but would have the LGBTQ+ community laughing right along with her.
Finally, she settled on making a series that would address a glaring issue millions of LGBTQ+ people struggle with today: being terrible at dating.
“I didn’t know how to go on gay dates, so [Pretty Gay] is kind of selfish,” joked Catherine as she described the early days of her web series. “We started like two years ago, and it’s really blown up. I feel so grateful!” Each episode follows Catherine as she goes on a date with an LGBTQ+ guest — usually a sapphic, non-male performer — with the subject trying to keep up with the host’s many segments. These range from trying out cheesy pick-up lines, to defending Catherine from imaginary spiders, to even calling the host’s real mother and asking for her blessing on their nonexistent relationship! This has proven to be an endlessly entertaining format, with Pretty Gay releasing on Patreon to a huge community of over 16,000 online fans.
“I feel so grateful for my Patreon community,” said the host as she raved about how much she loved her many supporters. “We’ve built a community where people are talking [with each other]…[having] a community of people who feel safe with me, it just feels so wild. It’s so cool.”
But it’s not just the format the has led to Pretty Gay’s widespread popularity. While the series is stacked with impressive guests and comical moments, what really makes it such a stand-out is how it spotlights the parts of our queer community that most programs (including LGBTQ+ ones) won’t.
“Whenever you are part of a marginalized group, people are going to look at you as a monolith,” McCafferty explained. “It hurts young people who are just watching Heated Rivalry and Hunting Wives — I love that representation, but it’s very specific.” It’s a glaring issue that too many people ignore today; most mainstream queer characters are either cisgender, white, or conventionally attractive, with a majority being a mixture of all three. While these ‘digestible’ instances of queerness may have been vital when the media refused to acknowledge this community existed, modern viewers are long past these early days of inclusion. Yet it’s still rare to see queer people from marginalized backgrounds get the spotlight, meaning members of those intersections still suffer rampant ignorance despite an increased awareness of the LGBTQ+ community.
It’s an issue that McCafferty and her team are committed to fighting against, with the host explaining, “When we are casting a season, we cast a wide net, because there are really funny people who live in all different kinds of bodies, and they should have a platform!” It’s a representation that has led to stars like Cameron Esposito, Yazmin Monet Watkins, Vivian Wilson, and countless others featuring on Pretty Gay to discuss their experiences of being a queer person today. These are impactful discussions, but also immensely funny ones, with McCafferty emphasizing, “We want to have real conversations, but we also want to laugh! Like, [queer people] get to be dumb too — it’s not all just like crying, coming out, and not being accepted. Some of it is just running around a table, chasing each other, and just being silly.”
Through humor, Catherine makes her guests and viewers relax, offering a welcoming, all-inclusive respite to everyone watching the shenanigans on display. It’s this happiness-centric approach that allows for both important knowledge and joyful escapism, with McCafferty stressing, “My primary goal with Pretty Gay [is] to really just platform queer joy…that’s the space that I inhabit in my community and also in my comedy.”
And this platform is only growing, with each episode of Pretty Gay bringing more fans into McCafferty’s strange yet heartwarming world of bad first dates. As the show enters its fourth season, the host remains focused on offering the vital representation our community needs while still showing queer people as the full — and often very goofy — humans that we are.
Through Pretty Gay, Catherine McCafferty creates an online community of acceptance and unabashed joy that viewers can’t help but fall in love with. And if you ever want to join that community, Catherine is ready to welcome you in today — as long as you go on a date with her first, of course.
a&e features
Meet your local musician: Ross Alan
The non-binary artist and Best of LA Award Nominee spills some tea
You don’t have to look far to support your local non-binary musician. Meet Ross Alan, who you’ve probably seen around town. They can easily be recognized by their stunning eyes, genteel demeanor, and killer fashion sense.
They’ve performed and sold out in venues nationwide, from Pete’s Candy Store in New York City and Davenport’s in Chicago to iconic Los Angeles stages like Hotel Café, The Viper Room, the Hard Rock Cafe Hollywood, and Whisky a Go Go. This year, they were nominated for an LA Blade Best of LA Award.
Alan is building toward their next chapter: a bold country-disco fusion project slated for 2026. They took some time to enlighten us about the spirit behind the rocker and give us a little insight and inside tea.
How did you get into music?
One day, as a kid, I sat down and watched Sister Act 2. There is a scene when Ryan Toby’s character hits his high note in their rendition of “Oh Happy Day,” and something changed in my soul and body. It was like all the atoms I’m made of woke up.
Now I’ve been making music for 15 years. To have such a specific and voracious moment like that. I knew, so young, that music was what I wanted to do. There was no surprise on my end that this is where I ended up. I mean, I can queue up the memory of me doing the choreography to “Oops I Did It Again” at my uncle’s wedding at the age of 10 or singing in our family garage while my stepdad worked on cars. Art is in my blood.
How long have you been performing?
I’ve been performing as Ross Alan for the last 6 years. I was performing before that under a different artist name for a decade, but I’ve toured domestically a good bit in the last 3 years or so. I am so excited to be getting all this new music from my upcoming record out and really getting the chance to shine on stage with it. Performing is where I feel the most secure in what I’m doing as an artist.
What do you love about music/live performance in LA?
Well, LA is home now. I’ve lived in the Midwest and the South, and I spent years living in New York and Chicago. But performing in Los Angeles always feels safe because this is like my actual home. It feels like I can take bigger risks out in the bars, it feels like I can try new things, and still be embraced by my peers. I think everyone here is chasing their dream, knowing that everyone is straddling their own form of bravery in the pursuit of their goals. There is a vulnerability we all share, and that makes the art so much better.
What do you love about Los Angeles/West Hollywood?
I’ve been in Los Angeles now for 5 years, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t still smile on my commute. And from stupid stuff, right? Like palm trees lining a street, or a really gorgeous sunset backlit by the Hollywood neon horizon. I’m such a romantic, it makes sense that I’m a songwriter. There is just not a day that goes by that I don’t meet someone doing something cool or planning something amazing. My community is so sensational, and the environment of this city breeds serenity, innovation, and a level of togetherness I’ve never felt anywhere else.
What brought you to LA?
Music! Fame! Hot people! Warmth!
No, honestly. I hate being cold, and moving here from Chicago was like the deepest exhale I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve wanted to live in Los Angeles since I was a kid – and not in a way that I understood. Like I knew I needed to be here, but I didn’t know why. And 30 years later, here we are, and I was right. Sometimes you just know where you’re meant to be, but you don’t know when. So sometimes you gotta just ride the ride.
What is your passion?
I think a younger version of me would have said music or art or something plain. But I’m approaching 35. I think my passion is creation for the intention of being perceived and being understood.
I think we all pursue our own alleyways of work, relationships, and expression in order to be understood. Not necessarily from outside parties, but even on our own. I pursue a deeper understanding of myself, my music, and my purpose every day. I love that in a world filled with any and every resource known to man, we can use those tools to be seen and validated in our experiences. Those moments of realizing you aren’t alone are vital in my eyes, to know someone else hears you. I’m very passionate about making sure everyone feels heard and that empathy isn’t a lost art.
What’s a weird thing you learned about life from performing?
My mantra for every performance is “It might be the last night, but it is only one night.” You have to treat it like you will never get on the stage again. Leave everything up there: your sweat, your vulnerability, your art. It could be the last time you ever get to show people who you are and what’s important to you. But it is also only one night.
So if I flub with a lyric, or miss a step or mark – it’s okay. That’s the nature of live performance and being on a stage in front of an audience. I’m human, so mistakes are bound to happen. And it’s not letting those tiny slips get to you. Because I’m a perfectionist, I want every moment to go off as I planned it. But that’s not reality. So you really have to go in saying, “It might be the last night, but it is only one night.” Go hard, but be gentle.
Favorite spot in Los Angeles?
I have a few! Love a classic Griffith Observatory hike. I go to Los Globos in Silverlake pretty regularly for queer line dancing with Stud Country. The best breakfast burrito is Wake N’ Late in Hollywood. I swear by that place. I’ll walk the floral district in DTLA for any number of incredible blooms, and that is definitely a soul lift. Rustic Coffee in Santa Monica has the best sandwich in the world. You walk up to the airstream, order the chicken caprese – you’re so welcome. And lastly, I’d say the Hollywood Farmers Market on any given Sunday. Live music, talented local vendors, and fresh produce. Absolutely.
How has Los Angeles changed you?
It has made me more patient. It’s made me work harder. It makes me more and more queer every day. What a paradise.
What piece of advice would you give to your younger self?
You know who you are. Don’t let others scare you away from being exactly that. It’s your superpower.
If you could make one wish for Los Angeles, what would it be?
I could say so many things. Fortified infrastructure, improved disaster relief, mandatory driving classes, better systems of support for the unhoused population, removal of ICE in every fucking capacity, increased public transit availability, financial aid to small local businesses and the arts. I love this city. I want it to thrive.
What do you want for the queer community?
Above all, honestly? Safety. For my trans siblings, for my non-binary siblings. For our youth. For those in our community who don’t feel safe in their own homes. It’s been said so many times, but none of us are free until all of us are. So what are we doing about it? Being queer is not a luxury; it’s a privilege.
I don’t want us to have to battle forever – but the battle is not done. It’s so obvious that the battle isn’t over, and it really hurts seeing that so many people think that just because we got marriage equality and because I can wear a skirt in Los Angeles. I need those who have privilege to use it against the forces that wish us harm. Protect our community.
I’m talking to allies too. Because as Bad Bunny coined at the super bowl, “the only thing more powerful than hate is love”. And love is what the queer community is made of.
What do you look for in a person?
As I’ve gotten older, the bar has never been lower, but it’s also never been more serious. I look for prowess with communication. I look for independence and stability. I look for baseline physical attraction, and I look for a good sense of humor. The rest? It really doesn’t matter. I love so many different types of people, and the only real thing that matters is chemistry. The rest will work itself out if it is supposed to.
Celebrity crush?
I have so many. Laith Ashley, Justice Smith, Sophia Bush, Rachel McAdams, and Danny Ramirez. The list is long!
What is your favorite thing to do in your downtime?
Watch scary movies and rhinestone stage costumes for myself.
a&e features
Melvin Robert will perform homecoming solo at Gay Men’s Chorus of LA’s Spring concert
The Blade sat down with the entertainment host to discuss how music has brought him closer to his family, queerness and artistic core.
In 2013, Melvin Robert stepped into the parking lot of his old elementary school. He observed the playground equipment he hadn’t touched in 20 years, and rounded the corner until he reached a set of stairs that would lead to the auditorium. He was here to attend his first rehearsal as part of the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles (GMCLA).
Untethered and unsituated, Robert wanted community. At his best friend Trinity’s urging, he found himself now with one foot in the past, and one inching towards a new future.
Taking a few hesitant steps forward, he sees it. A wayside trash can: not, but might as well have been, the same trash can he was thrown into as a child, the first time he was called a gay slur. He felt anxiety knot his stomach, building in his throat. “I [thought] about that little boy,” Robert told the Blade. “I put my hand over my heart and said, ‘We’re good.’ Because, on the other side of the trash can, was the most beautiful group.”
Robert found the community he’d always wanted, and the voice within himself that he had buried out of shame. In the chorus, a sea of 300, Robert met people who would provide him with love, support, and encouragement that was a plentiful stream. He would also sing, for the first time in his life, without fear — the fear that had dampened and smothered his joy for so long.
On Mar. 21 and 22, Robert will return as a guest soloist for GMCLA’s upcoming Spring concert, “AND THE BEAT GOES ON.” A celebration of gospel, R&B, and Motown, the concert will transport guests through the expansive and transformative sonic fabric of Black American music and history.
Robert performed his last concert for GMCLA in 2018, after which he began his rocketing rise in entertainment journalism. A self-starter in the field, Robert is now an Emmy-winning broadcast host and currently serves as entertainment anchor for KTLA 5.
The Blade sat down with Robert to discuss his lifelong relationship to music, his return to GMCLA and his dreams as an artist.
Music has shaped your life from a young age. What were those early listening experiences like, and how does it continue to change and influence you?
I have a very eclectic taste in music. I attribute that to my dad. Growing up, [on] many mornings, my younger brother, Eric, and I would wake up to the sound of my dad. He would open the door to our room, and he’d go sit in a chair and play the saxophone. That’s how he would wake us up in the morning. [On the way to] school, my dad would play — some days it’d be Steely Dan, and some days it’d be Bob, Tupac Shakur, and Stevie Wonder. My dad had this really eclectic taste in music that inspired me.
And I always loved musical theater. I used to love going to the theater as a kid, to the Ahmanson and the Pantages. I wanted to be in a big buxom Broadway show. My grandma Vera loved Nat King Cole and Ray Charles and Fats Domino, and was from New Orleans. So I grew up with a lot of that Zydeco music playing throughout the house, and jazz, and that really influenced me as a person.
Music has been there for me when I really needed it. When I was first coming out, I remember listening to Yolanda Adams’ “Open My Heart,” and I would play that while driving around. It was my prayer when I was trying to figure out my identity and my sexuality — knowing I was gay but being really afraid and being like: God, please, help me get through this [at] 16 or 17.
Music is transformational, and it is a healing balm. I believe so much in the power of music. I believe so much in the power of musical theater and Broadway. I believe that theater is a temple: [we’re] together for that one moment in time, [in a] sanctuary to learn, heal, and be transformed.
What does it feel like to return to GMCLA for this Spring concert?
I’m so excited to be back with my brothers in song, [and] I’m humbled at the invitation to return. It’s very much a homecoming to be with everybody, and when they told me what I was going to be singing, it was so meaningful and impactful to me. One of the songs I’m going to sing is Ray Charles’ “Georgia on My Mind.” It was such a wink from my grandmother, Vera, because she would listen to that song. I have such fond memories of being in the kitchen or other rooms in her house and hearing that song.
Music is a big connection to memory. Sometimes you hear the first couple notes of a song, and you just go somewhere mentally: whether it takes you back to a moment of sadness or joy or heartbreak or pain, or maybe where you were when you first heard it, or you hear a new song, and you just stop, because the lyrics are so powerful and the melody is touching to you. Music is so important and necessary. It’s medicine.
Do you still have dreams of being on Broadway, and how does that fuel you?
Those dreams have never left me. I haven’t given up on it. I think in the last couple of years, I paused on that because I just didn’t have the time to devote myself to anything other than being a host. I’m really humbled by all of it. Within that, I love to sing and dance. It’s still very much a part of who I am. I think in my core, I am an artist. It’s what sets my soul on fire, and it’s what makes me feel the most blissful, the most at peace, and the most at ease.
We spoke about the concept of “homecoming” and the cycles of returning to who you are. What would you say to your younger self, who you saw again at that first rehearsal?
That people love you, even when you think people are not thinking of you, or people are not holding you in their hearts. I know that that’s your story that you want to tell yourself, [but] you’re more meaningful and impactful to people than you realize. It’s not always easy to believe in yourself, yet you must continue journeying forward and continue the work that you’re doing to believe in yourself. As hard as it is, you have to keep pushing, and you have to keep going, and you have to continue to have faith in who you are and the intent behind why you do what you do.
“AND THE BEAT GOES ON” will be performed on Mar. 21 and 22. Tickets and information can be found here.
Kristie Song is a California Local News Fellow placed with the Los Angeles Blade. The California Local News Fellowship is a state-funded initiative to support and strengthen local news reporting. Learn more about it at fellowships.journalism.berkeley.edu/cafellows.
a&e features
Quick chat: Katya Zamolodchikova works with Grindr to answer ‘Who’s the A**hole?’
Katya Zamolodchikova has been a breakout star since their tenure on RuPaul’s Drag Race. With Trixie Mattel, they’ve created a veritable media empire with multiple YouTube series, live shows, tons of brand awareness, and podcasts. Katya steps away from their frequent collaborator to unite with everyone’s favorite frenemy, Grindr, on an interview podcast, “Who’s The Asshole?”
She brings her offbeat sense of humor, irreverent mind, and a new hairpiece to interview some of the hottest people of the moment. This season features Jinkx Monsoon, Jeremy Scott, everyone’s favorite transvestigator Luscious Massacr, Peaches, Pat Regan, and The Traitors star Colton Underwood.
This marks the fourth season of this podcast, which has a distinctly different vibe from The Bald & The Beautiful in the same way Monet XChange plays off Bob the Drag Queen, but is a consummate professional interviewer on Monet Talks. Katya breaks from playing off her straight man, Trixie, and instead partners with Grindr. It’s the perfect combination for a sexy, unhinged podcast with some of your favorite queer celebrities dishing about life, sex, and app culture.
Katya took time for quick chat and gave us a brain dump of her hottest thoughts about everything from Heated Rivalry to hooking up.
Edge: What do you love about this podcast?
Katya: I love getting to talk to wildly different people about sexual ethics, social mores, and really dissect our behaviors and patterns around sexuality.
E: What is your take on the Heated Rivalry phenomenon?
K: I love it. I love them. I love gay sex and I can’t wait for season 2.
What does dating look like in a post-Heated Rivalry world?
Probably just fucking on a Zamboni. I think that’s the vibe.
Any thoughts on Pillion?
I think it’s very important. I think it’s essential. In a way, it’s even required. (I haven’t seen it yet.)
What is the state of Drag? Drag Race?
Drag is, has always been, and will always continue to be corny, so we must do everything in our power to be as cunty as possible. Drag Race is franchising all over the globe, and I think it’s amazing.
Has “representation” sanitized queer expression?
I don’t think so. You should see some of my queer friends and the way they express themselves! Nothing sanitary there!
Who benefits from “respectable” drag?
Restaurant and nightclub owners. Less blood and feces to clean up.
How have the apps changed queer culture?
They have changed our culture in so many ways. For introverts and shy folk, apps are such a boon! I was afraid to talk to anyone up to age 30. I would have to give a big, warm thank you to Grindr for helping facilitate my year of sexual discovery.
Hot takes on dating? Polyamory? open relationships?
It’s always much simpler than people think. Do you like him? Do you? You should be able to answer that question in 2 seconds. Does he like you? You should answer that in 3 seconds. The rest is just trial and error and hopefully a lot of moaning and groaning (on the hockey rink only, of course).
Katya has six episodes of this season of “Who’s The Asshole?” premiering each Thursday on YouTube and your favorite podcast apps.
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