a&e features
‘Better’ than ever: an interview with Harvey Fierstein
Beloved actor on pandemic, Broadway history and new biography
One of the best things about reading a memoir by someone with a distinctive voice – both spoken and written – is that you hear them as your read their book. Let’s face it, award-winning writer and actor Harvey Fierstein qualifies as someone who has a distinctive voice and while reading his revelatory memoir, “I Was Better Last Night” (Knopf, 2022), you’d swear he was in the room with you, dishing away. Harvey was gracious enough to make time for an interview shortly before the book’s March 2022 publication date.
BLADE: Harvey, why was now the time to write your memoir, “I Was Better Last Night,” and does having a milestone birthday (70) in 2022 have anything to do with it?
HARVEY FIERSTEIN: What’s really funny is that so many sources, if you look online, have my birthday as 1954, even though it’s actually 1952. The reason is that when I turned 22, my friend Eric Conklin, who directed the original production of “Torch Song,” said “You should tell everybody you’re turning 21.” I said, “Why?” He said, “Because if you lie when you’re older, nobody believes it. But if you start at 21, who the fuck’s going to care!” That year, I moved my birthday to ‘53. The next year, we decided we’d do it again. But I never took it seriously. Things just get picked up by this one or that one. I think it was in New York magazine that they got the facts wrong and said my parents were Eastern European immigrants. They were actually third-generation Americans. But it got picked up by everyone and everywhere it said I was the son of Eastern European immigrants. My mother was born in Brooklyn and my father was born in the Catskills. So, I wrote the book, and there’s a fact checker, of course. Every time I mentioned my age he sent back a note, “Wikipedia says you were born in ‘54. This one says you were born in ’54,” I had to keep saying, “Why would I lie and make myself older? I’d only make myself younger!” It’s another one of those examples of why you should never lie. I am indeed as old as the mountains. So, did I write the memoir because of the birthday? No. Like everybody else in the fucking world, this pandemic hit. I was a very good boy. I sat down and did all the work on my desk. At that time, we were supposed to be doing a production of “Bye Bye Birdie” at the Kennedy Center. I finished the rewrites on that. I had rewritten “Funny Girl,” which was done in London and then went on tour in England, and we were bringing it to Broadway. I wanted to make some more changes to it, so I got all those changes done. “Kinky Boots” was sold to cruise ships, so I had to do an adaptation, a shortening of the show, as I had already done for “Hairspray” and other shows. That was off my desk and done. I’m working on a new musical with Alan Menken and Jeff Feldman, the guys I wrote “Newsies” with.
BLADE: Yes, I read about that in the book.
FIERSTEIN: So, I was all caught up with that. Basically, I was done. Then I sat down and, as I say in the book, I make quilts. I owed a couple of quilts as gifts. I went down to my little sewing room and I made seven quilts in a row [laughs]. Usually, I turn out one a year. Everybody got their birthday quilts, their wedding quilts, whatever it was that was owed. I had cleared my desk and we were still in the pandemic. Then my agent said to me, “Why don’t you write your memoir?” I said, “Because I don’t write sentences.”
BLADE: You wrote the children’s book. That has sentences.
FIERSTEIN: But that’s kid sentences. I’ve written op-eds, but for that you just have to get the voice of Edward R. Murrow in your head or something like that. That’s like writing dialogue, as well. All of a sudden, you’re Aaron Sorkin. I thought, “What the fuck? I’ve got a computer. Let me try.” I wrote four chapters, and I sent them to my agent. She said, “This is great!” She sent the chapters out to I think nine publishers, and eight of the nine made offers.
BLADE: There are numerous powerful moments throughout the book. Without giving away too much…
FIERSTEIN: Oh, go ahead, give it away! I already know what happens.
BLADE: But I don’t want to spoil it for the readers.
FIERSTEIN: That’s right. Goddammit.
BLADE: Chapter 57 contains one of the most emotional sequences involving your parents. Would it be fair to say that writing the book was a cathartic experience?
FIERSTEIN: Yes, the whole thing really is. When I started, I asked Shirley MacLaine because she’s written 300 books about her 700 different lives. She said, “Write what you remember because your brain has a way of editing, and it will give you what you need for this book. You’ll remember things for other books and other things, but write what you remember and just be true to what comes up.” I said, “Even about other people?” She said, “Yes. When you’re writing about other people, you’re really writing about yourself. Just trust that.” That’s what I did. There were hundreds of stories that I could have told. I just tried to sort of follow a line of thought and let it be.
BLADE: That’s interesting because the chapters in “I Was Better Last Night” are presented in chronological order, beginning in 1959 and concluding in 2022. Is that how they were written?
FIERSTEIN Yes, I wrote it exactly as it is. As you say, that particular chapter, I knew was coming because I knew what happened to bring that memory back. I’m trying to say it as you said, to not give it away. What happened between me and my brother, when he sat down to watch the last revival of “Torch Song.” My editor was incredibly gentle with me. Now and then he’d say, add more here or there. But the only real note that I got from him was he wanted to move that story into chronological order since the rest of the book is. I said, “No. That’s in emotional order.”
BLADE: It needed to be where it was.
FIERSTEIN: Exactly! Most celebrity autobiographies begin “I was a kid and I saw a show and I said, ‘I wanna be a star, too!’” Which is obviously not my story. I never wanted to be in show business. I didn’t want to be a writer. I didn’t want to be an actor or a drag performer. It was not my dream at all. That’s why it was so important to do it chronologically. I wanted to show how I lived my life being true to the moment I was in.
BLADE: In “I Was Better Last Night” you take readers on a journey through modern theater, from The Gallery Players and La Mama to off-Broadway and Broadway. With that in mind, would you agree that in addition to being a memoir, the book also functions as a theater history lesson?
FIERSTEIN: I guess it does. I have certainly been told that by a bunch of people who’ve read the book. When I was talking to Patti LuPone about it, she said, “Geez, I wish I had done what you did. She came through theater school and right into the legitimate, not through the experimental. As I say in the book, I came from an art school, so I always approached it as an art. Theater was part of an art movement, and I got involved because I wanted to meet Andy Warhol. Little did I know they would put me in drag. I guess there is a history there. Certainly, when I look around me, and I look at the people that I grew up with – Kathleen Chalfant and Obba Babatundé — and, of course, La Mama became something bigger. There were lots of others. Meeting Matthew (Broderick) at 18, or Estelle Getty who was a housewife from Bayside, Queens. She wouldn’t even admit she was from Bayside. She told everybody she was from Long Island [big laugh]. I said, “Estelle! Bayside is in Queens. Shut up!” What is history? After all, history is just day after day after day after day. I did start, as a baby, in this experimental theater. I wish that experimental theater still really existed. There were a few of us that I would say destroyed off-off-Broadway. I think greed is what destroyed off-off-Broadway. I think what happened was when people saw Tom O’Horgan make it, when “Hair” became a hit, that had a lot of people going, “Where’s my ‘Hair’?”
BLADE: But don’t you think that experimental theater might exist in cities where it’s a little more affordable to do that kind of thing? Say, Austin, Texas.
FIERSTEIN: There will always be experimental theater. It’s just, how is it looked at? Is the government funding there for it? I hear a lot of people saying, “Let’s not waste money on theater.” “Torch Song Trilogy” wouldn’t have been what it was if not for a government grant. I don’t know if you know this, but I just gave a grant to the New York Public Library at Lincoln Center to build a theater laboratory because rehearsal space is incredibly expensive in New York and almost impossible to find. David Rockwell is designing it and I’m hoping it’ll be open in two years. I tell a story in the book about how years ago we were rehearsing up at the YMCA, and the director just disappeared and left us with the bill for the rehearsal room. If I can leave a rehearsal room behind… Lin-Manuel (Miranda) developed “Hamilton” in the basement of the Drama Book Shop. For my shows, I used the basement of La Mama which was this small space, but big enough for us to rehearse and develop what we needed to do. I even did a couple of shows down there.
BLADE: Chapters 19 through 22 give readers insight into the inspiration for and the writing of “Torch Song Trilogy” and then much later you write about the recent revival with Michael Urie. What was it like to revisit the creation and the revision of “Torch Song Trilogy?”
FIERSTEIN: They’re your children, so they never really leave you. You may not think about them in the same way all the time, but they don’t leave you. You ask a mother about her son when he was six, and she can tell you a story about that time. It doesn’t mean you live with those stories every day. But they’re always there. Unfortunately, as you get older and people die on you, you remember them, or you go back to those stories time and again to remember how you all met and all that. With something like Torch Song, which is so much a part of my life, there was no real shock to going back and looking at that stuff again. Seeing Michael do it was not a shock either, because I cast all of my understudies. The show ran on Broadway for five years, but I didn’t play it all five years. There were other Arnolds and I saw all of them. There were matinee Arnolds, and then we had a bus and truck tour, and a regular tour. I saw all of those guys play it. I saw it in London with Tony Sher, who died a few weeks ago. He won the Olivier for “Torch Song.” Writing a memoir is not a time to blame other people [laughs]. When you’re writing plays, it is.
BLADE: I’m so glad you said that because one of the things that I think will strike readers about “I Was Better Last Night” is the brutal honesty with which you write about alcoholism and sobriety, as well as your suicide attempt. What do you hope readers will take away from that?
FIERSTEIN: There’s a certain point when you’re writing something like that…I don’t really care [laughs]. I needed to tell the truth and you hope that the truth will do good. When you’re writing fiction, you care more about how it’s read and what somebody gets out of the fiction. When you’re writing non-fiction, it’s like, “This is what happened, like it or not, Cookie.” The only hope is that I hope you know I’m telling it the best I can and being truthful. Because the truth does affect people, that I know. When you’re writing drama, you are manipulating an audience, and a story, and emotions. When I was writing the book, of course, there’s still an art to it, but I’m not turning away from something because it’s not comfortable. I’m going to say it. If somebody thinks I’m an asshole, let them think I’m an asshole. You read the book, and thank you very much for doing so.
BLADE: That’s my job!
FIERSTEIN: You see in the book that I don’t have an answer for my own gender. Had I been born in 1980, instead of 1952, would I be a woman now? I don’t know. I don’t have those answers. I don’t have the luxury of being born in a different society. The first (trans) person I knew was Christine Jorgensen, who died owing me money, that bitch [laughs]. When I was writing the book, I was going through photographs. There’s a picture in the book of me and Marsha P. Johnson and Jon Jon marching in a Gay Pride march. I put that picture up and somebody wrote to me telling me about Marsha, like you should know who this person was. I was like, “What are you talking about? This was a friend of mine!”
BLADE: Thank you for mentioning pictures. I live four blocks south of Wilton Manors in Fort Lauderdale. In the book you include a photo of the WiltonArt.com street sign that features a quote by you. What does it mean to you to be immortalized in this way?
FIERSTEIN: While it’s very flattering, another place I looked had it that Walt Whitman said it! With one hand, you’re flattered, and with the other, you’re slapped across the face.
BLADE: At least they got the attribution right in Wilton Manors.
FIERSTEIN: That’s lovely, it really is lovely. It’s a lovely thing to see something link that. I was watching some interview with Billy Porter and as if by accident, they walked down the block where there was a mural on the side of a building of his portrait. As if, “Oh, I didn’t know that was there!” You sort of laugh, like, yeah, right! You brought a film crew because you didn’t know your picture was there on the wall [laughs]. That sort of stuff of celebrity is always funny. Especially when you have friends who are famous and you try to just be human beings together, but then you go out in public, and you realize that they mean a whole other thing to the public than to you.
a&e features
Sitting Down with Mariachi Arcoiris, Los Angeles’ only LGBTQ+ mariachi
This historic group breaks down their music and how they stay hopeful during such uncertain times.
Few things in this world are as powerful as a song.
For centuries, marginalized communities have used music as a way to come together, as a rallying cry to remember the power they hold against those who’d oppress them. And in a Los Angeles filled with music, few groups resound as loudly as Mariachi Arcoiris.
Composed of passionate violins, bellowing trumpets, and amazingly flamboyant uniforms, mariachi encapsulates the complexities of Latine music and the strength of this community. It unfortunately hasn’t always been welcoming to queer performers, but recent years have seen artists merge their identities to create a beautifully intersectional sound. Arcoiris is one of these; this group made history 11 years ago when it was formed as the world’s first all-queer mariachi band. In the time since they’ve inspired thousands, not only gaining fame through their endlessly viral performances but soothing generational wounds with their sound…and it’s been devastating to watch them struggle, along with all of LA’s Latine community, amidst violent ICE Raids and national discrimination.
The Los Angeles Blade was honored to sit down with members of Mariachi Arcoiris to hear about the impact of their music and what it’s been like watching their identities be targeted. They detail how horrible it’s been seeing LA come under attack in recent months — but also how they haven’t lost hope. Because, as any good mariachi will tell you: music heals. And Mariachi Arcoiris hopes that their songs can be the soundtrack to Los Angeles fighting back against those hurting it today.
“I thought to myself, ‘That’s it. I’ve had it — I’m going to start a mariachi where people like me can be welcomed,” Said Carlos Samaniego, who founded Mariachi Arcoiris in 2014. He explained how this group was created in response to homophobia; he’d previously left numerous other mariachis after facing prejudice due to his sexuality. Refusing to allow antiquated ideals to halt his dreams, he founded this group to create a haven for other musicians who’d been refused the spotlight they deserved.
Musicians like Samantha ‘Sammi’ Bautista, who traveled across California to audition for the group the moment she turned 18. She explained what many called a rash move, saying, “It had been a dream of mine…being gay openly, playing along with people in my community. It’s very powerful, [being] ourselves with each other and [creating] this music.” And it’s powerful to watch as well; along with an interview, the Los Angeles Blade was welcomed to sit in on Mariachi Arcoiris’ practice — one of the many they conduct each week. It was an uplifting experience to see a group that encompasses so many identities being used as political fodder come together in laughter and heartfelt performance. Evident in every moment was how much these performers care for one another, with member Yalitza ‘Yaya’ Vasquez-Lopez saying, “This is where we can always come back to and forget about everything else happening in the world.”
It’s a kind of reprieve that Mariachi Arcoiris hopes to give its audience. “We’re really just activating something powerful within us and within our people,” continued Yaya. “And I think that that is resistance in itself, because [when] you start singing along to a song, you [realize]: I’m not alone.” It quickly became clear that this was the mission of Mariachi Arcoiris, to encourage others to live as openly as these musicians do onstage — an openness that, unfortunately, many Angelinos currently view as dangerous.
It’s difficult to describe the gut-wrenching anxiety that has filled LA in previous months. The city has become a hotbed of ICE Raids and the focus of national racism, with each day bringing new stories of hardworking individuals being kidnapped and denied their rights. It’s made many Latine communities reluctant to show pride for their culture in fear of it making them a target. And not only have these attacks affected the city’s residents on a personal level, but as Carlos stresses, on a professional one as well.
“The majority of my musicians do this for a living,” said the founder. “This is how they pay their rent, their food, their gas — everything. Because of the ICE raids, there have been many cancellations of performances.” He emphasized it’s not just them; mariachis across the city have found themselves struggling financially as institutions grow fearful of hosting such a bold example of culture. And not only is their race being targeted, but Mariachi Arcoiris is made up of queer and trans individuals, identities that face more and more attacks from politicians determined to paint their authenticity as something insidious. They’ve found themselves as intersectional targets, enduring a hateful climate that has caused so many people to give up hope…
So why hasn’t Mariachi Arcoiris?
“It hasn’t affected us morally at all,” clarified Yaya, when asked how these attacks have impacted the group’s willingness to perform. “[We are] a chosen family, and it’s brought us closer together to just know that this is where we belong.” The members expressed how they are constantly doing their best to protect one another — and it doesn’t stop with the group. Sammi described how Arcoiris has joined many other mariachi groups in consistently appearing at ICE protests and political demonstrations across LA. They do this all while still loudly broadcasting their queer and trans identities, knowing that the representation their group was founded upon is more important now than ever. This is not to say they’re immune to worry; each member held (utterly justified) concerns around their rights and freedoms. But Yaya reassures that it’s their shared love of the artform — and one another — that keeps them going, saying, “Mariachi is joy, pain, sadness…but also celebration and resistance. Especially today, especially in the US, that’s what mariachi is.”
In a Los Angeles mired in fearful uncertainty, Mariachi Arcoiris is committed to remaining a mainstay of both LGBTQ+ and Latine culture. The group recognizes their future is uncertain; they are still facing reduced performance requests, and each day brings more news of attacks on their communities. Yet they know that music is their best form of resistance, that the melodies they bring to thousands are a reminder of the power we have when we stand together, unafraid to show our most authentic selves. They find solace in this liberating sound, creating it daily to empower not only each other but their countless fans worldwide.
And they want every listener to remember that, if they ever feel alone or like they’ve lost their community, all they have to do is sing along.
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Jennifer Tilly on the legacy of queer neo-noir ‘Bound’ nearly 30 years later: “It was considered detrimental to your career to play a lesbian character”
Tilly also recalls the AIDS epidemic and Project Angel Food’s crucial work.
Before accepting the top honor at this year’s Project Angel Food’s Angel Awards, Oscar-nominated and GLAAD award-winning actor Jennifer Tilly (Bullets Over Broadway) reflected on the lasting influence of the 1996 queer neo-noir Bound, which she starred in alongside Gina Gershon (Showgirls).
“When we went in, they said to us, ‘You will not believe the actresses who refused to come in and read’ because it was considered detrimental to your career to play a lesbian character,” Tilly told The Blade on the Sept. 27 red carpet at Paramount Studios in Los Angeles. “But I was astonished because I thought, ‘This is the best script that I’ve read in such a long time with one of the best roles for women.’”
Tilly and Gershon co-starred as two women who fall in love and concoct a scheme to steal millions of dollars in mob money, and the film was directed by the Wachowski Sisters before they became household names. “They were first-time directors — nobody knew anything about them,” Tilly said. “But it’s one of my favorite performances of all time, and I’m really happy the new generation is beginning to discover it. It’s been on a lot of lists of the best film noir, the best lesbian movies.”
The Wachowskis came out as trans decades later, in 2012 and 2016, respectively. While Tilly recalls being surprised, when she reflects on her time working with them, she claims she should’ve known: “They wrote two of the most brilliant parts for women that I’ve ever read. So they had that soul, that heart and sensibility. And then after they did The Matrix and became global superstars. They’re so talented, and I’m always happy to see films that they have created.”
Tilly being recognized with the Angel Award is a full-circle moment, as she has been a supporter of the L.A.-based organization since the ‘90s. Past recipients include Elizabeth Taylor, Sharon Stone, and Jamie Lee Curtis, just to name a few.
“I was just so touched and honored and thrilled because I have been working with them for over 30 years, but I never really thought that I would get an award like this because there are so many people that work for them,” Tilly said. “They have a lot of support from the celebrity community.”
When Project Angel Food was founded in 1989 by Marianne Williamson, the organization started out delivering food to people affected by HIV/AIDS. Tilly recalls that time in the world and the impact the charity made.
“I mean, we were all losing friends. People didn’t understand a lot about AIDS, so people afflicted with the disease were a little bit pariahs because people were afraid,” Tilly said. “So the idea of having a charity that delivers food to these people who are housebound — they’re not only delivering nourishment or physical sustenance, they’re also delivering emotional sustenance. Because for some of these people, the food delivery people are maybe the only people they see all week.”
a&e features
The documentary ‘Dear Viv’ tells the story of a Queen and her community
The Vivienne’s Drag Race sisters speak about her legacy and the impact of drug abuse on the LGBTQ+ community
In a year filled with hardships for the LGBTQ+ community, few days have been as collectively devastating as when it was announced that The Vivienne, winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK and international superstar, had passed away.
The Vivienne’s impact transcended borders; after winning the inaugural season of Drag Race UK, the Queen broke barriers with her performances in theater and television. In just a few years, she became a mainstay of international queer culture, a rise to stardom that Pete Williams’ documentary Dear Viv does its best to honor.
The doc gathers The Vivienne’s loved ones to speak about her impact on modern culture and how devastating it was to lose such a powerful light in their lives. The feature is a beautiful memorial of a life taken too soon — and it’s also a call-to-action. Because the documentary details how The Vivienne’s struggles with addiction led to her death, it hopes to not only commemorate a legend but raise awareness of the rampant drug abuse that fills the queer community.
The Los Angeles Blade got the chance to sit down with some of the other UK stars featured in the documentary to hear not only what The Vivienne meant to them, but what they hope this legacy can do for thousands of LGBTQ+ individuals today.
“We always knew she was destined to be a star…and just to see her achieve her dreams, it couldn’t have happened to a better person,” said Michael Marouli, runner-up of Drag Race UK season five and long-time friend of The Vivienne. It was a sentiment shared by not only her close friends, but the late performer’s thousands of fans; viewers first met The Vivienne when she strutted onto Drag Race UK season one, marvelling with her talent before eventually winning and becoming the country’s first Drag Superstar. “Everything that she did from her crown onwards, she did it to the utmost excellence,” agreed Cheryl Hole, another series alumni who spoke in the documentary. “From her TV work to her theater runs…I knew the future was just going to be so bright and so full for her.”
And it was a bright future indeed, as The Vivienne’s tenure on Drag Race was followed up with appearances in other hit UK shows, features in multiple popular films, and even a starring role in the West End’s production of The Wizard of Oz. The early portion of Dear Viv highlights these successes and the hard work it took to achieve them, following its central figure as she grew from a teenager performing underage at drag bars to the iconic Queen fans know her as today. It emphasizes how she paved the way for so many other queer celebrities, making it all the more gut-wrenching when viewers remember what is to follow all this success.
Advocates have been speaking up for decades about the disastrous impact hard drugs have on the LGBTQ+ community. Since the 1970s, studies have shown how party-centric venues, being some of the only inclusive spaces, combined with mainstream society’s mistreatment of queer folk, make LGBTQ+ people particularly vulnerable to drug and alcohol addiction. It’s what has led queer communities to have some of the highest rates of drug addiction in the world — yet since this problem has gone largely unaddressed, many of the people facing this addiction are left to deal with these issues in solitude.
Dear Viv not only details the Queen’s multi-year struggle with addiction and the relapse that led to her death, but also how loved ones are using her legacy to save others from fighting their demons alone. The Vivienne’s blood sister, Chanel Williams, is leading the charge; not only has she appeared on numerous talk shows raising awareness around the dangers of ketamine, but she has created the House of The Vivienne, an addiction support group working to combat drug addiction in the UK’s queer community.
“I truly believe what Viv’s family are doing right now is incredible,” said Cheryl Hole, the usually sardonic Queen growing serious when discussing this important advocacy. “[This is] a place where people can come for narcotics, anonymous support, and truly take away the stigma of using drugs.” It’s a goal that has gone worldwide; in the months since The Vivienne’s death advocacy organizations across the U.S. have spotlighted the harmful impact of drug addiction and the role we all play in assisting LGBTQ+ people through recovery. It’s unfortunate that these resources were not available when The Vivienne herself needed them, but it’s why her loved ones are determined to help the countless others they know are struggling through the same fight she did.
Beyond anything else, Dear Viv is a heartwrenching, uplifting memoriam for someone who truly changed LGBTQ+ representation for the better. “Whether she was talking, whether she was performing, whether she was just there visually as a gorgeous presence, you were in safe hands with her,” continued Hole, tearfully describing how it was The Vivienne showing viewers that LGBTQ+ performers were just like them which allowed other UK Queens to achieve similar fame. And when it comes to her struggles with drug abuse and the advocacy her death has spurned on, the Queens echo in interview the documentary’s mission statement: reach out. There is help available even when it seems like there’s not, and people like The Vivienne’s family are fighting to make these resources more visible every single day.
While the entire documentary embodies this message of seeking help, nobody articulates it better than Michael Marouli themself. “I promise you it gets better when you speak to somebody,” said the Queen tearfully as her interview came to a close. “I can imagine how scary it is and how you might feel alone, but once you speak to someone, it does get better — I promise. So please, please, please, if you are struggling, seek the help you need. And there are people out there who are willing to do the work to get you where you need to be beautiful.”
A statement that The Vivienne would be proud of.
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David Hernandez on sobriety, vulnerability, and the power of music to heal
In honor of National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month, American Idol finalist David Hernandez opens up about his own journey from addiction through sobriety and the importance of visibility, vulnerability, and community in the recovery process.
Fans remember David Hernandez as the velvet-voiced finalist who lit up American Idol season 7, but behind the glam of the bright lights is an artist on a deeply personal journey. In this candid convo, Hernandez opens up about sobriety, the healing power of music, and why vulnerability might just be the bravest thing you can wear (aside from sunscreen). With his latest single, “Feel It All,” Hernandez is hitting emotional truths and offering a bit of hope to anyone who’s ever felt like they were singing solo.
September is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Awareness Month. What does that mean to you personally, and why is it important to bring public awareness to it?
It means a lot to me as someone who’s in recovery. There’s still a lot of stigma around admitting you have a problem, whether it’s alcoholism or addiction. Vulnerability is difficult because people can weaponize it, and that makes honesty really scary. It takes a lot of bravery and truth to be strong enough to share your story publicly.
I think it’s beautiful that there’s a month dedicated to people living with this affliction. It gives us visibility, and it gives others, who may not understand addiction, the chance to learn more. Awareness fosters empathy, and empathy leads to change.
Your single “Feel It All” explores themes of emotional pain and self-reclamation. How has acceptance played a role in your healing?
When you live in your truth and authenticity, you finally give yourself space to process and unpack trauma, whether it’s childhood, young adult, or current-day trauma. And there’s a lot of it just from existing in the world.
The hardest part is often being honest with yourself. We’re conditioned to push things down so we can hustle, present well, and avoid vulnerability. But being honest, with yourself first, starts the healing process. That honesty is the crux of recovery.
For me, it’s not just about being in recovery, but about being a man who came from a single-parent household, with addiction in the family and a lot of unhealed wounds. When I started owning my story, I stopped relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms, like alcohol, drugs, sex, sugar, or even external validation. Now, I’m learning how to cope in a healthy, sustainable way.
You originally created “Feel It All” as a form of personal therapy. What made you decide to release it publicly?
Honestly, I still go back and forth, even now I’m like, “Should I be saying all this?” As an artist, there’s always some level of doubt.
But like Nina Simone said, “It’s the artist’s duty to reflect the times.” That includes our internal worlds too. If I’m feeling something deeply, chances are, thousands, if not millions, of others are feeling it too.
The song started on a treadmill, literally. I was at the gym and began writing melodies in my head. I called my friend Trump Park, who produced my last album Don’t @ Me (2022), and invited him over. Normally, we’d open a bottle of tequila while working, but this time, we drank soda water with lime and just vibed.
I didn’t intend to release it. But when I played it for a few people and saw them crying—not because they were sad for me, but because they related, I realized it wasn’t just about me. It was healing me, and maybe it could help heal someone else too.
That’s the beauty of authenticity; it resonates. “Feel It All” isn’t sugar-coated. The first verse asks, “Who am I without the substances?” It’s honest and raw. And I hope it reaches someone, maybe a young kid in Middle America who doesn’t have the resources or the representation I lacked growing up.
Speaking of representation, the music video embraces themes of vulnerability and community. Why was it important to include that visually, and how has community shaped your own recovery?
Community has been everything for me. Growing up biracial, half Mexican, half white, I often felt like I was straddling two worlds. I also knew I was gay from a young age, and I didn’t see anyone in the media who looked, acted, or felt like me. There wasn’t representation for people like me, biracial, queer, artistic, emotional.
The video includes drag nuns from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, who work to de-stigmatize religion in the LGBTQ+ community, especially for those of us with religious trauma. It also features people from different backgrounds, ages, identities, and inferred traumas. It was important to me to reflect the diversity of recovery and the shared humanity underneath it all.
Representation matters. It allows people to feel seen, which makes healing possible. We’re wired for connection. What better way to connect than to recognize that our similarities far outweigh our differences?
What’s one common misconception about sobriety or recovery you’d like to clear up?
That it’s a choice. It’s not.
Addiction is a disease. I’ve seen incredibly successful people with full lives succumb to it, not because they didn’t love their lives, but because the disease doesn’t discriminate.
People often say, “Why can’t they just stop?” If it were that easy, everyone would stop. But it’s not about willpower, it’s about mental illness, trauma, and brain chemistry. It requires treatment, support, compassion, and community.
You mentioned relapse. What would you say to someone who just relapsed yesterday and is struggling with shame?
I’d say: There is always a seat for you at the table of recovery.
Relapse doesn’t make you a failure. It’s part of the journey for many of us, including me. Shame isolates you, and isolation is what the disease wants, it wants you to stay silent and spiral.
Reach out to someone in the sober community and tell the truth: “I used again, and I need help.” That’s it. Let someone guide you to the next step, whether it’s a meeting or a conversation. Time isn’t a tool—whether it’s 10 days or 10 years, recovery is about today. Focus on this moment.
What are some daily practices that keep you grounded?
I start my day with the Serenity Prayer, sometimes five times a day. I get gratitude lists from sober friends and try to write my own when I can. I talk to my sponsor regularly, check in with others, and ask how they’re doing, because focusing on someone else helps me get out of my own head.
I exercise, lots of cardio and hiking. I cook. I have a skincare routine that’s like a ritual at night. I keep to-do lists with Sharpie markers, it helps keep my thoughts from running wild.
These are small things, but they’re meaningful. And when I stay grounded in routine, I stay further away from the chaos.
How has your music evolved throughout your sobriety journey?
I used to rely on a drink before studio sessions or performances, to calm my nerves. Now, I lean on meditation, prayer, and letting myself feel uncomfortable until the feeling passes. And guess what? I don’t die from it.
My relationship with music has deepened. I’m more intentional. I finish songs faster. I record at home. I feel more connected to the process, to the source. I think my higher power shows up in my creativity now.
That said, I still love my past catalog, it represents different parts of me. But now, I’m learning how to channel something more grounded, more real. And I think that shows in the music.
Do you see “Feel It All” as part of a larger project, or more of a standalone release?
Right now, I’m just letting it live and breathe. But next year is the 10-year anniversary of my single “Beautiful,” and we’re doing a remix with a special guest artist. “Feel It All” and “Beautiful” both promote healing and inclusivity, so they’d absolutely belong on the same album. Whether or not there’s a full project, they’re part of the same emotional journey.
What would you say to fans who are struggling with addiction but don’t yet see a way out?
There is a way out. It starts with honesty, with yourself and with someone you trust.
Help is available. At the end of the “Feel It All” music video, we list organizations that can offer support. Even if they can’t help directly, they can point you in the right direction. You’re not alone. You just have to take that first brave step and say, “I think I need help.”
If fans only remember one lyric from “Feel It All,” which would you want it to be?
The second verse:
“I don’t need someone to judge my past,
But the way I’m living just can’t last.
I’m tired of lying, to end up in a place where I’m dying.”
That lyric captures the pain and urgency of knowing you’re in trouble, but also the hope that comes from admitting it.
Another part says:
“And if I’m being honest with myself,
I’ve been doing things that ain’t good for my health.”
That line isn’t just about drugs or alcohol—it’s about everything we use to numb: sex, binge eating, validation. Anything for a quick dopamine hit. But none of that heals us.
Can you name a few of the support organizations listed in the video that fans can turn to?
Absolutely. Here are a few:
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988
West Hollywood Recovery Center
And honestly, people can reach out to me. I’m happy to connect them with resources.
Check out the full video:
a&e features
C’mon, Dallas! Wesley Smoot brings Unleashed LGBTQ+ queer business conference & festival to the Lone Star State
Unleashed LGBTQ+ creator Wesley Smoot spills the (sweet) tea on organizing a queer cultural movement deep in the heart of Texas.
The Los Angeles Blade is trading palm trees for cowboy boots as Publisher Alexander Rodriguez heads deep into the heart of Texas for Unleashed LGBTQ+, Dallas’s unapologetically queer answer to your typical business and entertainment conference (queue Chappell Roan’s Pink Pony Club dance remix). Founded by the ever-hustling and ever-bustling Wesley Smoot, Unleashed is where LGBTQ+ thought leaders, disruptors, celebs, and creatives kiki and coalesce to mix strategy with sass, all while redefining what it means to lead and live ever-loud and ever-proud in today’s rather regressive social climate. At a time when queerness is still being legislated, debated, and silenced, Unleashed LGBTQ+ is jacking up the volume full blast. And the Blade is here and queer for it. Let’s get a little unleashed with Wesley Smoot.
Unleashed is quite the queer powerhouse. What was the moment or impetus that birthed the idea to create Unleashed LGBTQ?
I saw so many impressive queer artists and entrepreneurs doing amazing work, and I felt that if there was a platform to amplify all their latest projects, how impactful that would be. It was around 2019, and I was writing a review about a vodka brand, and it hit me – let’s work to feature all these people in one place. We can learn about these projects, products, and ideas, and attendees can connect with one another at the same time.
How does Unleashed challenge the narrative of what it means to be queer in Texas, especially in a city like Dallas, which has such a unique queer history?
Dallas really does have a history! And I think it’s great to pull people in to see what a vibrant queer history that is. Places like S4 and Round Up Saloon have been around forever! As for Unleashed, many of the people coming into Dallas for the event are not aware that it has the sixth-largest LGBTQ+ population in the nation. When they see the scene, they’re often surprised. When they hear a lot of our stories, I think they’re surprised but also inspired.
You’ve made yourself quite committed to championing underserved communities. How do you incorporate that passion into Unleashed’s programming and partnerships?
We aim to host discussions about things we feel are relevant. I think this can be tough because when it comes to equality, some of these conversations can be depressing. No less, there are issues we need to address and conversations we need to have. Discussions about marketing, media, culture, and entertainment can be educational and entertaining. We always make sure to include non-profit organizations like HRC and The Trevor Project.
Unleashed was created as a virtual event during the pandemic, then became an in-person festival in Dallas in September 2023. What lessons did you learn from that virtual-to-live transition?
I had more experience with live events. I actually had to teach myself how to run the back-end of a virtual event – this was a very intense crash course. Learning many new skills in a very short amount of time was difficult, but it’s funny how much confidence that can give you moving forward. I do think that starting with virtual gave me a much clearer idea of how I wanted to format the programming.
Half of 2025 ticket revenue is going to the Human Rights Campaign. What motivated this charitable move?
I have always admired the work HRC does. But really, I think when people see that there is a fun, cool event that is benefiting a cause that they believe in, it makes it a lot easier to get their attention and motivate them to join us for a fabulous event.
As we touched on, the Dallas–Fort Worth area has a strong LGBTQ+ history, with roots dating back to early pride parades and growing grassroots activism. How does Unleashed add to or impact the local Queer community and scene?
I think we add to it by sparking conversations on live stages through panel discussions. Some of those conversations have a lot to do with LGBTQ+ history, non-profits and the impactful work they do, queer artists and the new projects they want to promote. We bring a lot of these people together, whether local or flying them in or getting the locals involved. Dallas has so many heavy-hitters in the non-profit and entertainment sectors.
Unleashed combines business networking, entertainment, advocacy, and culturally relevant brand activations. Why is it important to have this intersectional space, especially in today’s intense political climate?
I think it’s important to talk about how this political climate is affecting us all, even if we are in different industries. LGBTQ+ is the common thread at Unleashed, and when attendees connect at our events, they can see and share their experiences with each other. I know a lot of people have found business opportunities at Unleashed, but also support systems.
Queer folks in the South have always had a different kind of resilience. How does Unleashed highlight the Southern queer spirit that often gets overlooked?
I feel like there has been some representation in the media to show the rest of the world about the gay South when you look at Drag Race, True Blood, and other television programs, but I would love to see more. So much of that resilience comes from queer folks who grew up in small towns and had to deal with bullies, their parents’ expectations, or the church. Those experiences stay with us forever. They contribute to making us who we are, for better or worse. I like to think the events we host have plenty of that southern flavor. It’s more important than ever to feel that we have a safe space.
Texas has not always been seen as the most welcoming place for LGBTQ+ folks and yet here we are, throwing a super queer extravaganza in the heart of it. What does that say about where we are as a culture and where we are headed?
That’s a tough one. I got chewed out in the comments section on Linkedin, someone telling me: “How dare you throw this event in Texas with everything going on there?!!” I replied, “Because of everything going on, it’s more important now than ever to host these events in Texas, or Florida, or anywhere else that people may need a safe place to get together and connect.”
I live in Texas. Should I plan an event of this size in a place I don’t live? Seems counterproductive to me, but we are very proud to host this in Texas. I have met people from all over Texas and the surrounding states. Since we do so much with entertainment, it is great to see the people who come in from New York and LA as well. I hope Unleashed LGBTQ+ can continue to grow as an event and as an organization, and I hope the tolerance and acceptance in the Lone Star State continue to grow with us. We’re not going anywhere.
The Los Angeles Blade will be on site for Unleashed LGBTQ SEPTEMBER 19-21, 2025 | DALLAS, TX Get your tickets here
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Sandra Bernhard unpacks her anecdotal “Shapes & Forms” live show and why it’s more important than ever to reach straight audiences
“Everybody’s just sort of fried and burned out, and it’s only been five or six months since this all sort of cracked open,” Bernhard says of Trump’s presidency
Sandra Bernhard knows there’s nothing quite like the power of live performance. And with her upcoming Sept. 29 stop at Oscar’s in Palm Springs on her Shapes & Forms tour, she knows she has plenty of material to work with, given the current state of the world.
“It’s that fine line and balance between really entertaining people, bringing them up and also still reminding everybody of the times we’re living in,” Bernhard tells the Blade. “I edit carefully because everybody’s just sort of fried and burned out, and it’s only been five or six months since this all sort of cracked open. So the whole thrust of the show is to bring people up and have it be more upbeat, personal, anecdotal.”
Bernhard’s upcoming live appearance comes after a banner year for the GLAAD-award winning actor, with notable roles in the breakout second season of Severance, RuPaul’s Drag Race and an upcoming performance in Josh Safdie’s Marty Supreme, which is already receiving early Oscar buzz.
Bernhard’s performances blend music and singing in a unique, eclectic way, with the band Sandyland Squad Band continuing to perform. “I’m not saying I was the first to do it, but I certainly was one of the first people to do it in a post-modern way. So I try not to really look around and see what other people are doing. It’s not helpful for me,” she says. “I don’t know if people are inspired by me, but I can only inspire myself.”
Returning to California with decades of success in her career makes this stop personal for Bernhard. “I worked in Beverly Hills as a manicurist on Canon and North Canon Drive, and I also first started performing at a place called the Ye Little Club, which isn’t there anymore. So while I was supporting myself by doing this day gig, and then I started doing my night gig, it was sort of a funny little insular world,” Bernhard says. “And I still have friends, women that I did their nails back in the ‘70s. Some of them are still around and I have lunch with them when I’m in town. It’s a really wonderful continuum of where I’ve come from and where I’m going.”
Bernhard first broke out as an actor in Martin Scorsese’s 1982 classic The King of Comedy. She starred in the dark comedy alongside Robert de Niro and received a coveted National Society of Film Critics Award.
“It was way ahead of the curve — very prescient about fame and people doing anything to be famous. And certainly we’ve gone over the top of that. I mean, it’s insane,” she says. “Social media influencers, people that really don’t have anything specific or important to say, have managed to forge careers for themselves in ways that almost don’t make any sense to me.”
She continues, not mincing words: “I think you have to roll up your sleeves and go into life as a young person and work … But with all these people who just seem to lay around all day on the internet and social media, I don’t have much respect for that. I think it’s lazy, ignorant, stupid. You’re not reading, you’re not elevating yourself or your intellect. I don’t find it in any way, shape or form inspiring.”
The King of Comedy not only put Bernhard on the map for on-screen roles, but also helped her expand into live performance. And as she prepares to take this next stop after bringing Shapes & Forms to New York and Massachusetts, she has her priorities set on which audiences she needs to reach.
“It’s more important for me to reach the straight audience than it is the gay audience in terms of opening them up to thinking about things in a new way. I mean, it’s a given that my gay following loves me and gets me and understands all the aspects of what I do and the nuances,” she says. “[People] connect with me because of my humanity, and it’s my humanity that means the most to me — especially right now — with people being snatched off the streets, being sent down to South America in violent situations, where people are dying in Gaza.”
Sandra’s SoCal dates:
September 27
Carpenter Center
Long Beach, CA
September 29
Oscar’s
Palm Springs, CA
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Get swept away by ‘Sparks Camp,’ the Philippines’ first gay dating show
The team behind this landmark series discusses its impact on LGBTQ+ representation in the country.
Whether it be iconic crashouts or jaw-dropping moments of drama, reality television has always had a tremendous impact on queer culture — but few shows have done as much in the fight for global liberation as Sparks Camp.
This series has awed since its premiere, with U.S. audiences discovering Sparks Camp when the first episode dropped for free on YouTube back in 2023. Focusing on a group of “Campers” who participate in romance-themed challenges while exchanging the titular “sparks of love,” the program made history as the Philippines’ first ever gay dating show. It was a landmark production for a country that still struggles with widespread prejudice against the LGBTQ+ community. Yet with each season comes increasing viewership and more people (both within the country and across the world) learning from the love on display and the many messages of queer self-acceptance featured in each episode. The Los Angeles Blade sat down with the cast and creatives behind this series as they wrap up their third season, with the Sparks Camp team breaking down what this groundbreaking show has done for LGBTQ+ representation in the Philippines — and how they plan to do even more going forward.
“The journey [to] Sparks camp hasn’t been easy,” said Creative Head Hyro Aguinaldo, as he spoke to the Blade alongside Director Theodore Boborol. The pair detailed the many difficulties they faced in getting greenlit by ABS-CBN — one of the Phillipine’s biggest TV networks — and their fight against an entertainment industry that had never given LGBTQ+ stories the platform they deserve. “Most queer individuals here in the Philippines are tolerated, but not accepted,” explained Boborol. “Queer people are usually only relegated to [comic relief], never [portrayed] in any serious way…and that includes, of course, reality shows.” He describes how impossible it once seemed that they’d actually get to create the program and, now that they’re wrapping up its third season, how heartwarming it’s been to see LGBTQ+ audiences fall in love with the project. It’s not always a great experience, as the series has been the victim of countless discriminatory attacks online. But it’s undeniable that Sparks Camp has become one of the most educational, authentic portrayals of what it truly means to be LGBTQ+ in the Philippines today…but what is it like to actually be on the show?
While reality series can skyrocket contestants to internet fame, none elevate their cast to international icon status like Sparks Camp does for its ensemble. Season 3 stars Andrew, Kim, and Edward spoke about how thrilling it felt to have their attempts at romance get filmed on camera, with Kim saying, “Being there in the camp with nine other strangers, where I have to be as vulnerable as I can!? It was very challenging!” From half-naked mud wrestling tournaments to discussions about healing from trauma, the experience is intense enough on its own, yet it wasn’t until their installment began airing that the men realized just how influential these moments would be in the Philippines’ ongoing fight for queer rights. These were narratives that the heterosexual members of their audience (a demographic that has steadily increased since season one) weren’t used to, with Andrew detailing, “One of the reasons why a lot of people are unaware [about LGBTQ+ issues] is because we’ve been restricted from talking about these very normal topics.” They all explained how mainstream Filipino culture often discourages discussions about sexual safety and LGBTQ+ romance, meaning not only are people disallowed from learning about these identities, but young queer folk aren’t able to see themselves represented onscreen. “Moving forward,” said Edward. “I want queer boys and girls to see their stories reflected in ours.”
Representing your community on such a large scale can be daunting, but these campers take pride in using every scene to show their audience what it means to be gay in the Philippines today. It’s a heavy responsibility for many, but luckily, this show is hosted by someone who truly knows what it means to fight for your found family: “Mother Sparker” herself, Mela Habijan.
When she isn’t advocating for transgender rights or winning international pageants, Habijan acts as the host of Sparks Camp, moderating the series and imbuing each episode with her unique brand of self-love. It’s a role she does not take lightly, emphasizing, “Whenever I spend time with [the campers], there’s an assurance that their stories are safe, that this isn’t just a mere reality show about finding love— it’s [a space] for them to find value in themselves.” It’s an assurance that shows through the screen; whether it’s witty banter at challenges or reminding Campers to love themselves above all else, she brings a level of care to her role unusual for your typical reality host. She describes how this kind of openness is sadly missing in the Philippines, with the country’s deep roots in Catholicism meaning anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination is the norm in many areas and that there are few laws safeguarding queer rights. It’s because of this that she recognizes just what a huge impact Sparks Camp has on their local communities, saying, “I take pride in being ‘Mother Sparker’ because once a young trans person [watches the show], they can say: my future can be in front of the camera.” Habijan, who’d spent her entire career fighting to make easier pathways for other trans artists, emphasized how essential it is for people to see her and her campers being their truest selves onscreen. “The future is bright for [young people], because if they see more and more people who reflect [their] same experiences, then they’ll gain the courage [they need].”
Sparks Camp stands out not only for its historical impact, but because it does something that few reality shows are able to: it offers an amazing show, with an even better message. As each of the team expressed in their interviews with the Los Angeles Blade, this program and the few others like it are bringing LGBTQ+ stories to the Philippines like the country has never seen before. It’s helping to not only start vital conversations surrounding the respect and rights of queer communities, but fosters a kind of inclusive, love-filled influence that any viewer, no matter what country they’re watching from, can benefit from. In the last few moments of her interview, Mela Habijan perfectly encapsulated the core of what Sparks Camp is truly about.
“The value of their being queer…that’s what matters most. When you create and enrich the love that [the Campers] have within [them] — even if they don’t find the spark at the end of the series — they will end their journey at Sparks Camp with so much pride in themself.”
It’s a pride that LGBTQ+ people worldwide can use now more than ever, and luckily for all, it’s a pride that anyone can watch three seasons of for free online right now.
a&e features
John Waters dishes on upcoming Unleashed LGBTQ+ appearance and connecting with new generations on the road
“Humor is how we win,” says the GLAAD-award winning filmmaker and cultural legend
John Waters lives on the road for most of the year, and he likes it that way.
The iconic GLAAD-award winning filmmaker behind cult classics like Serial Mom and Female Trouble (just to name a few!) has already done 51 live shows this year, and next he is appearing at the Unleashed LGBTQ+ festival in Dallas, Texas on Sept. 19 for a conversation with Brad Pritchett at the Warwick Melrose, which will allow for audience participation. Waters will also be receiving the Unleashed LGBTQ+ Lifetime Achievement Award.
“I like the attitude of that title, and I think we need to be more unleashed today,” Waters tells the Blade. “I’m excited that I continue to be in touch with my audience. It seems to get younger and younger, which is just amazing to me. It’s like being a politician. You know, you always tour, you always meet your audience, and that always gives me the reason to keep going and making new stuff.”
While Waters has long been recognized as an unfiltered legend within the LGBTQ+ community, he admires that labels have fallen away: “The new generation — they’re not even queer, they’re all new everything. They’re not that limiting. They’re gay, or straight or just everything … It’s a new world out there. But I survived the first sexual revolution. Now I’m going through a new one, which is even more surprising.”
Waters’ first feature film starring Divine, Mondo Trasho, released back in 1969, so he’s seen “half a century” of different audiences connect with his work. “I think the key was I was never mean spirited, that I made fun of the rules that liberals live by, not our parents,” he reflects. “I made fun of hippie rules and then punk rules and politically correct rules. And now there’s more rules in that world that my parents had that I rebelled from. So I’ve always made fun of things I love, and I think that has been the key to my longevity.”
Just last year, the Academy Museum dedicated an entire exhibit to Waters’ filmography, appropriately titled Pope of Trash. “That gives hope to anybody that anything can happen,” Waters says. “For those movies that were universally hated when they first came out by critics — not by audiences — and to end up at the Academy Awards, giving me nine rooms, it’s just amazing. [And] a gift shop that sold T-shirts that said, ‘He’ll make you sick.’ You know, how did that ever happen? I don’t know.”
Outrageous humor and political satire are key to Waters’ filmography, and it’s that same sense of humor he sees as key to winning today’s many fights.
“Let’s pick our battles and win them and use humor,” Waters says. “Don’t preach to people. Don’t tell people they’re stupid, even if they are. You got to make them think that they’re smart and listen to you … You have to use politics. Humor is politics. Freud even wrote a book about the psychoanalysis of jokes. Humor is how we win, and we have to pick our battles. And I don’t think we did last time.”
The Los Angeles Blade will be on site for Unleashed LGBTQ SEPTEMBER 19-21, 2025 | DALLAS, TX Get your tickets here
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CinePride Film Festival highlight: Director Nate Gualtieri on his erotic trans short and Cate Blanchett’s executive producer credit
With “Queerbait,” Nate Gualtieri flips the switch on the professor-student dynamic.
CinePride’s inaugural year kicks off with a fresh erotic short titled Queerbait, executive produced by Cate Blanchett and written and directed by one of Hollywood’s most exciting up-and-coming talents, Nate Gualtieri (Desire Lines, Gotham Knights).
Queerbait features a new spin on the professor-student dynamic. Sydney Mae Diaz plays a trans student who has recently undergone top surgery and is drawn into the world of his classics professor, played by Matthew Floyd Miller, who sees great potential in his talented pupil. But the line between professor and student soon blurs, and tensions build up as the two get stuck together during a major rainstorm.
Gualtieri discusses with the Blade how Queerbait has developed throughout multiple fellowship programs, what he wants to see more of from trans storytelling, and his hopes for a festival like CinePride to rebuild the queer creative community in Los Angeles. (This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.)
I’m really excited to chat with you today. I know Queerbait went through a proof of concept program, and Cate Blanchett is attached as an executive producer. I’d love to hear how that whole process has been because I believe your goal is to turn this into a feature-length project.
We’re in the middle of financing the feature version right now. But just to go back to where it all started was actually a bit earlier. I was in the Film Independent Project Involve Fellowship, and that interestingly reoriented my career toward film. When I was in that program, I actually met one of my now producers, Jesus Garcia, and he was the first person I ever pitched this project to. Originally just as a short for their program, and they didn’t select it, but I really liked this idea and kept working on it. And so we submitted to this Proof of Concept Fellowship, it’s the first year of the program, and Netflix financed a bunch of short films at $30,000 each. Cate Blanchett’s company Dirty Films was then attached as producers, and they helped guide the projects along.
The whole point of that program was to support women, trans and non-binary directors. The USC Annenberg School of Communication was also involved because they put out numbers every year on how many female directors are working, how many trans films are getting made — which, sometimes there’s zero. To apply to that program, we also had to have a feature script ready, so that was always the intention for us. Regardless if we had gotten into the program, I really wanted to do a proof of concept that was the basis for a feature script or film. The biggest thing I got out of Film Independent was that so many collaborators and people in my cohort ended up working on this film. It just feels like I’ve met people where I’m like, “I hope we can do every film together!”
We shot in October 2024 and a few weeks after that, we applied to the Sundance Screenwriting Lab with the same feature and got in. That happened in March 2025, so that was all virtual. Andrew Ahn and Laura Moss ended up being my mentors, and they’re still very invested in how I’m doing, which is lovely. The script’s gone through a couple revisions since then, and now we’re ready to take it out to market. We’re going to the Gotham Project Market at the end of September, and that’s going to be some of the first steps of financing. Right now, I really do feel it’s a question of when it happens and not if.
That’s all super exciting. Talking more about cinematic inspirations and representation, I saw very few trans films in high school and middle school.
There are some great trans films that I wouldn’t say are touchstones for this piece at all, but I really want to build on that lexicon of what a great trans film is and can be. I really tend to shy away from the coming out narrative. I’ve written pieces like that before, but I think we can do something more intriguing and more interesting. My real goal is to bridge that gap between seeing a film with trans people as niche, and particularly what we’re doing with Queerbait is leaning into that erotic thriller genre and playing off films like Dressed to Kill or The Crying Game, where the trans woman is the murderer. I think there’s an interesting flipping we’re doing where the trans person is the victim, but they can also be the perpetrator as well.
With the premise of this project featuring trans chasers, what void in trans/queer storytelling are you hoping Queerbait might fill?
With a lot of the work that I do it’s like, “Yeah, you could put a cis guy in it.” But there wouldn’t be the same impact. There’s such a specific perspective of masculinity that I bring to the work. In terms of trans films, people are a little afraid to make a movie that’s really complicated and honestly dark, and I want to bridge that gap. We get so caught up in these gentle, indie romances. And I think that’s great, and there’s a place for that too. But what I want to do is something more challenging, where it almost forces you to look at trans people without othering them. I just want the film to be great, and the main character’s trans. There’s not a separation that I’m making in that sense. But I don’t think enough trans films really leave an impression on me, and really have something to say that I haven’t seen before. I think I just want it to be a good film first, but its transness is kind of irremovable from it. It’s called Queerbait, the people know!
It’s a great title! And this is the opening night selection at this year’s CinePride festival. Could you speak about what led you to apply to that festival, which I know is hoping to fill the void left by Outfest.
That’s actually part of why I reached out to CinePride, because the last short I directed played at Outfest. One, they had Outfest and Outfest Fusion, which immediately othered any people of color that submitted, so that was a little bit unusual. They were running on a huge deficit, I want to say a quarter of a million, so anyway, that’s just why they fell apart. So I was really excited when I saw that there was going to be another L.A.-based festival because there really was a void. Outfest was a large event for the community. I’ve also been told we’re the very first film that’s screening at the festival, which is crazy. I’m just really excited to see the turnout and attendance. I hope that this is an opportunity to build something a little bit better. I like being on the ground floor of things I find promising. I don’t think it’s worth waiting to see, “Is this going to be the next big thing?” I appreciate the people who were there from the start.
As the big day approaches, is there anything else you want to add about Queerbait or anything you’re particularly looking forward to?
It’s an erotic thriller, and we’re really looking to do something commercial, or as commercial as possible. I appreciate you reaching out. It’s always flattering! When I say it’s weird, it’s like, again, not bad, it’s just like, “Wow! This is so crazy. People are watching stuff I put on the internet!”
CinePride runs September 11 – 14, 2025 at Landmark Theatres Sunset.
For more information, visit CinePride.org
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The queerest moments of the VMAs 2025
LGBTQ+ artists proved to be a central part of the music industry at this year’s award show.
Whether it be sultry Frank Ocean performances or Madonna reminding everyone that drag queens run the world, the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) have always been an unofficial honoring of the LGBTQ+ community’s contributions to music. Yet many fans were nervous going into the 2025 ceremony; during a time when marginalized voices are being attacked across the country, would there still be a queer presence at this historic award show? Luckily, they weren’t disappointed, as the VMAs quickly reminded everyone of a very important fact: there is no music industry without queer artists.
And with that in mind, let’s take a closer look at the moments that made the 2025 VMAs one of the gayest award shows ever!
Before it even began, the ceremony’s red carpet hosted some of the entertainment industry’s biggest queer stars (and their impeccable fashion choices). Whether it be the eviscerating Law Roach, hilarious comedian Megan Stalter, or renowned drag queens like Lexi Love and Symone, this crimson runway was a space for these icons to strut their stuff.
The invite list alone made it clear that LGBTQ+ artists would continue being an integral part of the VMAs — a fact that was taken to unimaginable heights when Lady Gaga won the award for ‘Best Artist of the Year!’
Even after countless wins, it can’t be overstated just how important a triumph for Lady Gaga is for the LGBTQ+ community, especially when she’s being awarded for the massive amount of work she’s done this year. Not only has her new album, Mayhem, been the soundtrack for every gay bar, but in the face of rising discrimination, she is constantly speaking up for queer and trans individuals across the country. It was so cathartic for her LGBTQ+ fans to watch Mother Monster accept the award, starting the show with an uplifting, quintessential queer energy that would only get better from there.
Not only did numerous LGBTQ+ artists perform — a huge shoutout to Lola Young and Conan Gray — but a portion of the night was focused on rewarding gay trailblazer Ricky Martin with the first-ever Latin Icon Award. He used his speech to encourage unity during this time of division, reminding listeners that music should be what brings us together during a time when people are literally trying to tear us apart. And he wouldn’t be the only LGBTQ+ artist going home with a Moon Man! Stans across the globe cheered when KATSEYE won the VMA for Push Performance of the Year, the inaugural award for a global girl group that is revolutionizing what it means to be an idol today. Not only are they breaking barriers, but with members Lara Raj and Megan Skiendiel, KATSEYE makes history as one of the only idol groups to openly feature two queer women!
Halfway through the VMAs, this award ceremony was already shaping up to be one of the queerest yet…but someone wanted to bring even more to the stage. Someone who used every moment she had to amplify LGBTQ+ artists and call for the respect these communities deserve. She was already regarded as an icon before the show, but with her performance and acceptance speech, Sabrina Carpenter solidified herself as one of the biggest advocates in music today.
While every VMAs performer brings a unique concept to their performance, few are as instantly captivating as Carpenter’s performance of “Tears.” The faux-city streets of her stage bring to mind moments from history like the Stonewall Riots, acts of resistance that fueled LGBTQ+ liberation and made the modern music industry possible. Then, as the camera panned out, audiences learned that Carpenter brought queer royalty onstage with her: Drag Race queens Denali, Willam, Symone, Lexi Love, and Laganja Estranja, along with Ballroom legends Dashaun Wesley and Honey Balenciaga. The entire group took part in some visually stunning choreography before each held up a cardboard sign, with their sayings ranging from “Protect trans rights” to “In trans we trust” and “Support local drag.” With this song, Carpenter fought transphobia and called for equity with more bravery than anyone else that night — and she wasn’t done.
“I do want to say: to my incredible cast and dancers and queens on stage with me tonight…this world, as we all know, can be so full of criticism and discrimination and negativity,” said Carpenter, as she accepted the award for “Best Album.” “So to get to be part of something so often, more than not, that is something that can bring you light, make you smile, make you dance, and make you feel like the world is yours…I am so grateful.” It’s an unfortunate truth that, while many celebrities enjoy featuring queer performers in their acts, too often these folks are treated as props rather than actual artists. Carpenter used every minute onscreen to show her love for these LGBTQ+ artists and grant them the national applause they deserve. It created many jaw-dropping, utterly LGBTQ+ moments throughout the night, and it gave everyone watching an exceptional model for how to be a true ally today.
There were so many amazing moments at the 2025 VMAs, it’s unfair to label one as the best! From Eyekons to short n’ sweet activists, the award ceremony was stacked with reminders to everyone that queer people built the music industry they love — and that we’re not going anywhere. But, while each of these resonated with different fans for different reasons, there was a single instant that touched every queer person watching.
When Ariana Grande accepted her award for “Video of the Year,” she succinctly surmised her appreciation for the LGBTQ+ community in a way that truly anyone can understand: “Thank you to my therapists, and gay people. I love you.”
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