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Trevor Project in crisis: Financial, staff dissension, ‘union busting’
Long wait times or calls going unanswered, staff dissension, questionable financial issues, union busting, all plaguing LGBTQ+ youth resource
(Editor’s note: This article contains references to suicide and self-harm. If you are having thoughts of suicide or are in crisis, call 988 to talk to a counselor or 911 for medical attention.)
By Joel Lev-Tov | COLLEGE PARK, Md. – He was cutting himself and his mother was worried.
Whom should she call? Who could help her son John, who is gay, and doesn’t have an accepting community in Asheville, N.C.? She asked around. Trevor Project, one person said. Trevor Project, another said. Trevor Project. Trevor Project. Reach out to the Trevor Project, the world’s largest nonprofit assisting LGBTQ+ youth.
Phone service, his mother Darlene Coleman said, is unreliable in the town so she selected “chat” on the organization’s homepage, hoping to talk to a counselor.
She waited. And waited. For five minutes, then 10, 15, 40, and 47 minutes. No one answered. The website warned her that hold times were longer than usual. But this long? It had taken her forever to convince John, who asked for his name to be changed for fear of backlash, to even talk to someone. This wasn’t helping.
She checked back later that day. And waited on hold. And waited some more. She gave up, then tried the hotline the next day. Again she waited and waited until eventually giving up.
What, she wondered, was going on at the Trevor Project? How could the organization dedicated to preventing LGBTQ+ youth suicide not help her son? Coleman reached out to several other organizations before getting help from the Rainbow Youth Project, but the question still haunts her: What if someone wasn’t as determined as she was? What if someone in crisis didn’t want to wait around for hours to talk to someone?
Her son looked at her and said, “They really don’t give a damn if I’m here or not.”
“I’ll never forget that as long as I live,” Coleman said, tearing up.
Her experience isn’t an anomaly. Josh Weaver, who was Trevor’s vice president of marketing until November 2022, said the average wait times to talk to a Trevor counselor are about three minutes. But during nights and weekends, they said, wait times often exceed 30 minutes. Another employee confirmed that wait times could stretch anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours during peak periods.
“That could be life or death,” Weaver said.
The Human Rights Campaign has issued a state of emergency for LGBTQ+ people in the United States. Legislators around the country introduced and passed a record 75 anti-LGBTQ+ bills just eight months into 2023.
The stakes could not be higher. A Trevor Project study found that close to half of LGBTQ youth considered suicide in 2022. But when those LGBTQ youth were surrounded by communities supportive of their identity, the study found, the rate of attempted suicide dropped dramatically.
In 2022, Trevor’s phone and chat lines supported a record number of people, more than 263,000, through calls, texts, and online chats, according to the organization’s 2022 annual report. And the organization has been rapidly expanding, seeking to help more and more youth.
But in interviews, 11 current and former Trevor employees, many speaking to the Blade anonymously for fear of retaliation, said that growth was much too fast and came at the cost of service.
Former CEO Amit Paley spearheaded the organization’s expansion from a handful of people to a massive organization with more than 700 employees. (Trevor initially declined to speak to the Blade but later said the number was 458 employees.) In the process, the employees said, it became more like a corporation than a nonprofit.
“A lot of us were joking that it was the most corporatized nonprofit that anyone has ever worked for,” said a former mid-level employee who spoke on condition of anonymity. “It was very money driven, very growth, growth, growth.”
During Paley’s tenure, the organization’s LGBTQ youth crisis lines went from serving about 50,000 people to more than 600,000 and the TrevorSpace social networking site went from a few hundred users to more than 500,000 around the world, a source told the Blade.
Trevor’s coffers had $9.7 million in them in 2018 and rose to more than five times that in 2022, close to $55 million. The marketing, content, and communications team was even called the “growth vertical.”
Informed about the size of Trevor’s assets, though, Coleman was outraged.
“Fifty-four million dollars,” she repeated. “And they can’t answer a damn phone?”
That growth put massive pressure on Trevor’s staff, especially the people running crisis services.
“Those wait times are there because it’s demand, demand, demand, demand, let’s get everything out there,” Weaver said. “Let’s get as many people as possible and not think about the quality of it.”
Suddenly, crisis workers couldn’t take time off between calls to regroup without taking paid time off or sick leave. The crisis workers criticized that policy, saying that they needed to be doing well to support callers, but management didn’t budge. The managers cited Trevor’s “tools to support wellness” in an email seen by the Blade.
“We are building structure and accountability so that we have counselors available when youth call. That means putting structure around when and how crisis workers are spending time not interacting with youth,” an email sent on Sept. 2, 2022, from the lifeline management team – Richard Ham, Vivian Suniga, and Heather Gillespie – read.
A month later, on Oct. 20, 2022, the team followed up with an even more blunt email message.
“Given our current call per hour metrics (1.2 calls per hour per crisis worker), September’s call outs and partial shifts would equate to 470 LGBTQ youth in crisis we were unable to support.”
A Trevor employee familiar with Trevor’s crisis services speaking on condition of anonymity said Gillespie resisted calls for crisis counselors to get more time off – despite the difficult job counselors have.
“The work is very heavy, it’s very challenging,” the employee who used to be a crisis counselor said.
Counselors are often working with youth contemplating suicide or even in the process of taking their own lives and many of the counselors are coping with their own stress because they are also members of marginalized groups, they said. Not to mention the prank calls and callers using the line for sexual gratification.
The three managers who had authored that blunt assessment in the email as well as three other Trevor Lifeline leaders were later fired after being placed on administrative leave, but the policy didn’t change, the anonymous source said. Counselors were reportedly told to take as many calls as possible.
Some transgender staff, staff of color, and disabled staff felt erased and unable to be themselves, which reached a breaking point at a routine meeting in October 2022. In it, top staffers presented the results of that year’s staff climate survey.
The results of the survey were harrowing. About two-thirds of staff said they weren’t satisfied with how decisions are made at Trevor, according to its results reviewed by the Blade.
A majority – 55% – of Trevor employees said they hadn’t seen positive changes based on the last climate survey. Most employees said they weren’t satisfied with the leadership or had no opinion. Only slightly more than half of the staff said they wake up feeling fresh and rested for work – though, the data emphasized, that was up 12% from the previous year. Far fewer employees – though still a vast majority, three quarters – said they would recommend Trevor as a great place to work.
In previous years the results presented to staff did break down the satisfaction by race or gender. When Black staffers pointed that out, they were “completely dismissed,” said Preston Mitchum, who was a director of advocacy and government affairs at Trevor before he quit in February.
“With the numbers that have been presented, we have an obligation to maintain a level of confidentiality and anonymity within this process,” Meg Fox, who was the director of people, culture, and experience until July, said in a recording reviewed by the Blade. “Again, for 20 years I’ve been doing surveys, that has been the path paramount principle by which we live by, so nobody is trying to silence anybody’s voice here.”
When the results were finally released after several weeks of pressure, Latinx staffers showed the lowest level of satisfaction, numerous former staffers said.
That process angered staff who were tired of being ignored, Mitchum said. Resentments deepened following reporting in HuffPost about Paley’s role, when working as a management consultant for McKinsey & Co., working to reduce Purdue Pharma’s legal liability over opioid litigation brought by 47 state attorneys general.
“It became a ticking time bomb,” Mitchum said.
Enter the Trevolution — or the Trevorpocalypse, depending on whom you ask. The fire burned and burned, and Trevor’s board of directors eventually forced Paley out of the organization. The board quickly replaced him with Trevor’s co-founder, Peggy Rajski, in November 2022.
Trevor’s board, a former manager said, wanted to portray stability with her hire. But it ended up only exacerbating the controversies within the organization. Richard Vargas, who was Trevor’s senior operations associate and used to run the organization’s New York office, was one of many who raised red flags about her performance.
Critics pointed to her ousting from Loyola Marymount University, where she was the dean of its School of Film and Television for less than three years.
“She was known to rant and rave at people,” a former Loyola Marymount University professor said, according to The Wrap, which was first to report Rajski’s ousting.
Rajski spent her first weeks organizing listening tours – with a select few people chosen from each department and affinity group. Sources familiar with those conversations said she was sympathetic to staff concerns, saying that she couldn’t believe what Paley put the organization through.
The honeymoon was short lived as she started describing staff who spoke out as rude, arrogant, and worse, sources told the Blade. Current and former staff said she criticized workers for speaking out, blaming problems on everyone but herself, misgendering staff – and being offended when corrected – and making everything about herself.
“I saw that in all hands meetings, she would get very snippy, very combative,” said Vargas.
During a meeting in which she announced layoffs at Trevor – 12% of its workforce – she chided staff for using emoji reactions in the chat, he said.
The 44 mid- and upper-level staff were laid off after, seemingly, a huge budget hole emerged. It’s unclear how big exactly that hole is – a Trevor Project statement revealed a “sharp drop” in revenue but did not provide an exact figure, and no current and former employees who spoke to the Blade were able to provide an exact figure.
One former employee said they were told there was a $25.2 million deficit in late April of this year, but a former Trevor finance official told the source the deficit was reduced to about $6 million. Another former employee familiar with the organization’s finances confirmed that the deficit was between $4 million and $7 million around then.
That didn’t worry the Trevor Project’s executives, according to a former employee, because the organization had more than enough money in its reserves – about $55 million at the end of July 2022, according to public financial documents – to cover that loss.
But sometime between late April and June of this year, the Trevor ship sprang a huge leak.
Members of the recruitment team, payroll team, the training team for Trevor’s hotline, much of the financial team, as well as other staff were laid off, sparking anger. (A Trevor spokesperson clarified after this story was initially published that the payroll, recruiting, and training operations teams were reduced by 67%, 96%, and 31%, respectively.)
What, they wondered, happened after Paley left to the $55 million the organization had reported in assets?
Indeed, Trevor’s assets grew rapidly during Paley’s tenure, according to independently audited financial statements on Trevor’s website:
• In FY 2016 (the year before Paley became CEO): Assets were $1.6 million
• In FY 2017 (the first year that Paley served as CEO): Assets increased to $4.4 million (due to a $2.8 million surplus)
• In FY 2018: Assets increased to $9.7 million (due to a $5.4 million surplus)
• In FY 2019: Assets increased to $18.5 million (due to a $7.6 million surplus)
• In FY 2020: Assets increased to $31.0 million (due to a $10.6 million surplus)
• In FY 2021: Assets increased to $48.1 million (due to a $20.1 million surplus)
• And in FY 2022: Assets increased to $54.9 million (due to a $6.8 million surplus)
No one is sure what happened after that and a Trevor spokesperson declined to make executives available for an interview. But the staff have some ideas. They cite Trevor’s rapid expansion as a main cause and some described wasteful spending, even though The Trevor Project has a 100% Charity Navigator Accountability & Transparency score, an A- grade on CharityWatch, and a Platinum GuideStar Rating.
Trevor’s leadership would tell employees to spend surplus funds at the end of year, instead of putting them into Trevor’s reserves – even when the deficit was discovered, according to a former employee.
“There were no policies around spending either,” the source said, which a Trevor spokesperson disputes.
A Trevor Project statement said that the organization made budget cuts, reduced outside consulting expenses, instituted a hiring freeze, limited non-urgent work travel, and used its reserve to close the deficit. Two current employees confirmed that travel restrictions seem to have taken place.
The organization created a new role that oversees both Trevor’s digital operation and its phone lines – instead of hiring one person for each. It did not hire more lifeline associates, a source told the Blade. Both employees pointed out, though, that there are several open roles on Trevor’s website. One employee said the organization considered the positions “mission critical,” which is why they were posted.
It’s unclear how much revenue Trevor lost – representatives for the federal government, Trevor, and for Vibrant Emotional Health all declined to reveal the figure. The Blade has submitted a Freedom of Information Act request to obtain the numbers.
The layoffs upset those close to the Trevor Project, but they didn’t receive widespread recognition. Layoffs among the 988 anti-suicide line staff representing the Trevor Project did, though, thanks to TikTok.
“Basically, we are being told, you are without a job – we can try and get you a job but you might have a job, good luck out there,” Eli, a former crisis counselor working for Trevor, said in a viral TikTok video that racked up 62,000 views. He did not respond to a request for comment.
988 Suicide Hotline & the Trevor Project
The National Suicide Hotline Designation Act of 2020 created 988’s LGBTQ+ subnetwork as a pilot project. During that pilot, the Trevor Project was the only organization running the section of 988 dedicated to LGBTQ+ youth. Mitchum said he pushed back on that, saying Trevor did not have the resources to run the lifeline by itself and even if it did, more than one organization should provide support. Then-CEO Paley, though, reportedly disagreed.
“I think Trevor became so bogged down in the minutiae of money, of notoriety, of power, that it lost all ideas of responsibility to LGBTQ people,” Mitchum said.
Nevertheless, 988 lifeline administrator Vibrant Emotional Health sent out a request for proposals for the pilot project, several former employees confirmed to the Blade, but it is unclear if any organizations other than Trevor applied.
The Trevor Project was the only organization running the LGBTQ+ line. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, charged with federal oversight of the 988 program, pumped $7.2 million into the pilot. The federal government vastly underestimated the numbers of callers and texters to the line, leaving Trevor short-staffed and unprepared for the surge of people seeking support, a source told the Blade. Long wait times were the norm, so much so that Vibrant rebuked Trevor over the issue, two former staffers told the Blade.
Trevor kept the news about the dedicated LGBTQ+ line quiet until December, when it announced the service in a press release – despite its soft launch in September of 2022.
“The Trevor Project is incredibly thankful to the federal government for the major investment in these life-saving specialized services,” Mitchum said in the press release. “It’s vital that all young people have access to culturally competent care in moments of crisis.”
The 988 program was successful enough for Vibrant to make the hotline a permanent fixture less than a year later in July. This time, the federal government allocated $29.7 million to the LGBTQ+ subnetwork – more than three times the amount that the entire 988 lifeline received in 2021.
As part of the expansion, Vibrant decided to increase the number of call centers running the LGBTQ+ crisis line from just one, the Trevor Project, to seven, with Trevor still on board. The change meant a smaller piece of the pie for Trevor – the $29.7 million would now be distributed among seven different organizations.
That decision came as a shock to Trevor, Mitchum reflected.
“After a while, Trevor leadership genuinely thought we would never have additional providers outside of Trevor,” Mitchum told the Blade.
A Trevor Project spokesperson said in a June statement that the organization had “recently learned” about the expansion of the LGBTQ subnetwork. The Trevor statement noted that the expansion would lead to “an exponential increase in support for the number of LGBTQ callers and texters to the 988 Lifeline.”
Having to split the funding, though, was enough to cause Trevor lay off more than 200 crisis workers, Trevor Project crisis counselor Finn Depriest said. Trevor disputes this and says fewer than 85 contract counselors from a third-party company called Insight Global were let go.
The counselors received the news on May 14. They had been invited by an email entitled “988 updates” with a meeting link. The crisis counselors’ recruiters, managers said, would contact them by the end of the day to let them know if they were fired or not.
Depriest got their call and was in luck. But fellow crisis counselor Rae Kaplan wasn’t so lucky. A person in Trevor’s IT department – not even her recruiter – told her she was being let go.
“I was definitely starting to have a panic attack,” Kaplan said.
A whirlwind of communication followed. Staff were first told they would be laid off on July 2, two weeks after the meeting, but were later told that Trevor had secured more funding to keep the counselors on its payroll until Aug. 31. Now, a Trevor spokesperson confirmed, the organization has received additional funding to keep the counselors on through the end of September.
Kaplan took advantage of the offer to stay on until August when they received it but was fired in July for reacting with emojis during an all-staff meeting, they said.
Toby Everhart was scheduled to begin work at Trevor the same day the layoffs were announced. But at their orientation, they were suddenly told they were no longer needed. They posted their now-viral TikTok with 91,500 views.
Everhart moves down in the frame of their TikTok video to reveal the Trevor Project’s website, warning that “wait times to reach a counselor are higher than usual.”
“Which is so weird,” Everhart continued in the video posted June 9, “because this is what their website said right after I got laid off.”
In reality, the higher wait times were unrelated to the position they were hired for, working on the 988 line. Counselors for Trevor’s crisis services, who run the services on the organization’s website and phone line, are employed by the Trevor Project directly. Counselors working on the 988 hotline representing Trevor, what Everhart was hired for, are contractors employed through recruiting company Insight Global.
No counselors working directly for Trevor’s Lifeline or TrevorChat products have been laid off, several current employees confirmed, and a surge in wait times for Trevor’s own services has no bearing on wait times for 988 counselors. A Trevor spokesperson did not respond to a message seeking comment.
A statement from Vibrant showed that the average time on hold had risen slightly, from 34 seconds to 36 seconds, despite the addition of six more centers taking calls. The Blade’s query on Trevor’s community platform, TrevorSpace, asking whether people had experienced longer hold times on the 988 hotline was deleted by administrators. The administrators cited “inappropriate promotion” as a reason and issued a warning.
An automated message checks in on those waiting on hold, but kids “in a truly acute mental health crisis” won’t wait and won’t respond to automated prompts, a source told the Blade.
The six new organizations running the LGBTQ+ youth hotline, CommUnity, EMPACT-Suicide Prevention Center, Solari, Inc., Centerstone of Tennessee, Inc., PRS CrisisLink, and Volunteers of America Western Washington, aren’t well known in the tight-knit LGBTQ+ advocacy world. From what Depriest has been able to tell, it hasn’t been going well.
“Their resources are not helpful, and they’re not very personable,” Depriest said. “They don’t have the trauma-informed training that we have had to take. And you could tell a big difference.”
Lance Preston, who runs the small LGBTQ+ crisis organization Rainbow Youth, pointed specifically to the Volunteers of America Western Washington organization. He said his organization has attempted to place homeless youth at their facilities across the nation but has had many issues. Preston declined to elaborate.
In a statement, a Vibrant spokesperson said that each call center must submit their LGBTQ+ competency training program for approval. Each backup center, according to Vibrant, has “similar training requirements” and access to the same training support. Vibrant also announced a two-year program to improve staff training.
But Mitchum, Trevor’s former director of advocacy and government affairs, who was intimately involved in the rollout of 988’s LGBTQ+ hotline, told the Blade that more providers for the line is a good thing.
“The people you talk to may say that it’s negligent to have these orgs who have no services, a lack of training, allegedly,” he said. “But why can’t they build them out? If Trevor actually cares about LGBTQ youth, not just their organization, why can’t they support these organizations, and build out these trainings that they say are best in class?”
Concerns about diversity
Issues concerning the organization’s diversity have cropped up, including during Trevor’s expansion to Mexico. Instead of hiring a translator, it asked Latinx staff to translate material into Spanish, Vargas said. Another Latinx former staff member said the group was treated as a monolith. The entire group were congratulated on Mexican Independence Day – even though not all the Latinx staff were Mexican-American.
Trevor disputes this and submitted the following in response: “Trevor invested in a top-rated translation services vendor, TransPerfect. Trevor also hired an entire staff in Mexico for the launch of its crisis services in the country; that staff also created Spanish-language materials in preparation for launch. Two Latinx leaders (who themselves are not Mexican) sent a slack message that said ‘Happy Mexican Independence Day to our Mexican colleagues’ because they wanted to recognize an important holiday for their colleagues in the new Trevor Project Mexico office. It is inaccurate that the sender and the message assumed that all Latinx staff are Mexican-American.”
Mitchum told the Blade decision makers at Trevor never took the diversity concerns seriously. Weaver, former vice president of marketing, said the Trevor Project was more focused on checking boxes and performative diversity.
CEO Rajski said that the organization is committed to diversity in a statement Trevor sent to the Blade.
“Over the years, I’ve seen the organization I started, flourish and adjust to the changing needs of LGBTQ young people and shifting our outreach efforts to highlight the needs of the most marginalized LGBTQ young people — including young people of color and transgender and nonbinary young people.”
Union issues
These and other concerns led to the Friends of Trevor United union to begin organizing in early 2022. That process was far from easy. Trevor did not immediately recognize the union, instead asking for a card count, where employees sign union authorization cards. A Trevor Project spokesperson said the organization recognized the union voluntarily in 2023 – which is true, but insisted that a “wide margin” of cards support Friends of Trevor.
Gloria Middleton, president of the Communications Workers of America Local 1180, under which Friends of Trevor is organized, said Trevor opposed the union. While union organizers were in talks with Trevor, the organization began laying off workers. The union condemned that, calling it “union busting,” and said that Trevor intentionally gave the union very little time to respond.
Trevor provided Friends of Trevor with a formal layoff plan on June 29, according to a union Instagram post. The union did not post anything about the layoffs publicly until July 6 – layoff day. A Trevor Project statement said it notified the union on May 31, but Middleton said it was only informed on June 16 and the information did not include information about the timing, scope, and impact of the layoffs.
Some asked if the layoffs were retribution for the formation of the union. The Trevor Project strongly denies this, pointing out that it laid off both workers in the union and non- union employees. The union, though, questions why Trevor announced layoffs during the negotiations and not before.
“With an employer, there’s nothing in the law to my knowledge that says they can’t lay off at any time, to my knowledge,” Middleton said. “It’s just about the way it looks.”
Current and former staff told the Blade that Trevor targets dissidents, the employees that speak out against leadership. Vargas, who wrote a letter of solidarity to staff that spoke up about their mistreatment? Laid off. Josh Weaver, who is Black and spoke about having staff satisfaction data stratified by race and gender and amplified staff concerns? Laid off, though before the July layoffs. And many more, employees say.
“If I were white, I would have had a second chance. I’m certain of it,” Weaver said. “If I were a white person, I would have gotten a reprimand. I would not have been in the same situation.”
The staff who spoke on condition of anonymity with the Blade were worried about retribution as well – even those who no longer work at Trevor. A message the Blade received through a secure dropbox sums it up well:
“Thank you for doing this. I wish I could talk to you without losing my job,” the text document submitted reads. “Give them hell.”
Even Trevor Project co-founder Celeste Lecesne slammed the organization in a statement last month released by the Communications Workers of America.
“When I co-founded The Trevor Project, I did so to create a resource for LGBTQ+ youth who are struggling to express their identity and feel accepted in a world where being gay or trans can feel terrifying. The Trevor Project is about supporting each other, and to see the way these workers have been treated by management – for engaging in their right to organize – is appalling and completely unacceptable,” said Lecesne, who no longer works for the organization. “The workers being targeted have saved lives and helped countless members of the LGBTQ+ community feel heard. It’s time that management hears these workers and joins them in their fight to create a more equitable workplace.”
In a statement to the Blade, the Trevor Project said it takes its obligation not to retaliate against employees seriously.
“We have a strict anti-retaliation policy, which The Trevor Project upholds, and retaliation in violation of any law or policy is not permitted.”
Middleton said that while Trevor’s behavior is terrible, it’s not unusual. Major nonprofits with good missions become corporatized and start treating their workers poorly.
“They run the companies like most American companies run,” she said. “The bosses get the money, the workers get the minimal amount of income, just do the job.”
Indeed, former CEO Amit Paley made $473,969 between August 2021 and July 2022, according to Trevor financial documents. Meanwhile, fewer than half of employees said they received a fair salary in the survey, according to a copy the Blade has seen.
Not only do staff say they are not paid a fair wage, they say they must work under an executive that does not seem to care about the mission.
“Peggy created this organization in 1998 on the heels of a movie that was about a white, cisgender gay boy,” said Weaver, the former vice president of marketing. “And I think the aspect of queerness and its multifariousness today is something that Peggy does not want to really jibe with.”
Rajski had to be “pulled up” to include messaging about transgender and nonbinary people, a source said. Within the organization, Mitchum said Black staff weren’t promoted like others, nor were they paid as well. This is “actively the issue” inside Trevor, he added.
In a statement provided by a Trevor spokesperson, Rajski acknowledged she doesn’t always “get it right.”
“The gift of being part of Team Trevor is being able to serve, learn from, and grow with some of the most talented mission-focused leaders and staff,” she said in the statement. “I have recognized deeply how critical the need is in the LGBTQ community to have supportive and affirming allies — and how to be that kind of ally in new and better ways.”
She presents herself as an ally in the statement and in other public appearances. She called herself the “straight, white, godmother of a gay suicidal hotline,” in an interview with NPR affiliate KCUR in Kansas City, prompting ridicule among staff. But it pointed at a larger issue, employees told the Blade: Trevor’s C-suite is almost entirely white and cisgender.
“I think there needs to be a permanent CEO who is LGBTQ+,” Mitchum said. “And in my opinion, one who is a person of color, or at least someone who actively understands intersectional framework and how to have these culturally important clinical conversations of competence and responsibility to specific communities.”
In the meantime, though, Trevor is led by a straight, white, cisgender woman. Current and former Trevor employees are scratching their heads over how to treat Trevor. Mitchum said that Trevor “has enough of your money” in a tweet and suggested donating to other organizations instead. Others aren’t quite sure.
“It is kind of a fine line with me right now, do I say support the Trevor Project because all these young people are calling in?” a former mid-level employee asked in an interview. “Or do we support other organizations? But this happens all the time. It isn’t specific to Trevor.”
“It’s heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking to see,” Weaver said. “But what can you do? The one lesson that I learned was that at the end of the day, you’re the purpose, it’s not the organization. The mission sticks with the people. And so if the Trevor Project is not going to do it, somebody will.”
Rajski said in a statement that she is committed to supporting the most marginalized LGBTQ+ youth, including transgender and nonbinary youth as well as youth of color.
“I have heard firsthand through the voices of our people that we can do more to help them thrive and do their best work,” she said. “We have listened and are making important investments in our people, our culture, and organizational infrastructure to help Trevor be a sustainable force for good.”
(Editor’s note: This story has been updated to reflect the correct title for Richard Vargas. Also, in 2022, Trevor’s phone and chat lines supported a record number of people, more than 263,000 served, not 236,000 as originally reported.)
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Joel Lev-Tov is a student journalist and photographer in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area majoring in journalism and minoring in Jewish Studies at the University of Maryland, College Park.
They are a journalism Fellow at the Washington Blade and have skills in both photography and A/V systems.
California
New sapphic social club comes to West Hollywood
BBGRL Club debut night brings in full house with Niña Dioz performing live alongside local pop star BBGRL
BBGRL, formerly known as Dom, is an upcoming ethereal pop artist and visionary behind BBGRL Club — the femme-forward collective that aims to celebrate sapphic joy through music, performances and futuristic self-expression. Her pop sound blends synths, intimate vocals and Y2K nostalgia to build a unique experience for her audience.
BBGRL Social Club was born out of the idea that there needs to be more events for lesbians and sapphics in the City of Los Angeles. A city well-known for its vibrant and populous queer and trans community, struggles to make space for the many sapphics that inhibit the metropolis.
West Hollywood is home to a plethora of queer bars that are really open to all, but are locally known to cater more specifically to the gay male community. Whether it’s because of their male go-go dancers, beefy boy bartenders, or open restroom design for urinals and very few stalls, WeHo is very much for the gays.
Now, we’re in 2025 and Dominique ‘Dom’ Buggs, libra, set out to be one of the few sapphics in Los Angeles to make space for the first letter of the acronym. Though there are a few other event spaces that do host consistent sapphic-centered nights, BBGRL, formerly known as Dom, wanted to make sure there was a space that not only welcomed, but centered the BIPOC baddies. Dom is from Mexico City, but is also half Black, so creating spaces like this is her personal mission.
“[The goal] was to make a space where they could belong because I have been living in West Hollywood for many years and I really know there is a huge need for more authentic places that are actually inclusive to people from all walks of life, but that specifically center [sapphic] people,” said Dom in an exclusive interview with the Los Angeles Blade.
Emerging ethereal pop artist BBGRL interacts with the crowd during her debut night at WeHo’s Roosterfish on May 3, 2025.
(Photo credit to David Tran and Jocelyn Perich)
Even now in 2025 there are very few spaces that consistently cater to the sapphic community. At the start of 2025, there were only two. Only a few months into the new year and The Ruby Fruit — a sapphically-inclined wine bar in Silverlake — closed its doors due to what the owners say were financial circumstances beyond their control. The only other sapphically-centered space is Honey’s at Star Love. The bars opened around the same time, but Honey’s is an eccentric and charming place owned by queer, Black, women.
Though there are very few other spaces that are intentional about making space for lesbian or sapphic nights, there are a lot of event organizers who take up the space on one night of the week or month.
At Little Joy Cocktails in Echo Park, “Butchona” has one day a month to bring in all the lesbianas and butchonas who dress like their tíos — but better. At Bar Flores, there is a “The World is our Oyster” night, whose crowd tends to lean on the sapphic side.
Last December, Roosterfish opened in West Hollywood, now adding itself to the list of brick-and-mortars making has made the space for sapphic events like BBGRL.
“This is my first time performing original music in West Hollywood period — but in a long time too,” said BBGRL. “I’m very excited to share a little bit of what I’ve been working on for some years.”
BBGRL says that spaces like this are very necessary right now because of the social and political attacks on the LGBTQ community.
“I’m really trying to build something that is memorable and something that really brings people together during these times where we really, really need unity.”
During the social event’s debut night at Roosterfish in West Hollywood, BBGRL performed some of her music and invited long-time friend Niña Dioz to perform as well.
“We are comadres and we both realized that we both had so many dreams about moving to L.A. and two years later in 2015 we both made the move and ended up being neighbors in Hollywood,” said BBGRL. “We formed a very special friendship that is really rooted in what reminds us of home — which is our community. Eventually she became my family.”
Niña Dioz performs in West Hollywood on May 3, 2025. (Photo credit to David Tran and Jocelyn Perich)
After Niña Dioz returned to living in Mexico, BBGRL says it hit her hard, so their return to Hollywood to perform alongside BBGRL meant that much more to this dynamic duo.
Carla Reyna, better known as Niña Dioz, is a nonbinary, queer hip-hop artist from Monterrey, Mexico. Over a decade ago, they stepped into a rap scene overly-saturated by male rappers within a culture that is also notorious for ignoring and sidelining women, trans and gender nonconforming people. Niña Dioz says they continue to fight the mainstream and make space for themselves and their homegirls.
“I’m super excited to be here performing with my homegirl, BBGRL,” said Niña Dioz in an exclusive interview with the Los Angeles Blade.
Niña Dioz says they are also excited to be working on new music to be released at the end of May.
“I’m just excited to release new music,” said Dioz. “I took a few months off but it’s a song with Lenchanter. She sings chanteos (which is a slang term used in reggaeton music for fast and rhythmic lyrical music) and she is big in the queer, ballroom scene in Mexico City.”
Niña Dioz says they are also excited to be releasing a new house music track right in time for Pride month.
“I’m doing a lot of collaborations with artists from Latin America so you’re definitely going to be hearing from me this year,” they emphasized.
The event will be hosted monthly in West Hollywood and will feature other performers, as well as guest DJs from the sapphic scene. At this event, the line-up included well-known sapphic DJ Amandita, who immaculately brings the vibes at every event where they play their bops but to keep up with the next lineup, follow BBGRL on Instagram.
BBGRL’s next show will be on June 11 at The Peppermint Club in Los Angeles.
Features
Something witchy this way comes with Intuitive Shana
This real-life witch and lifelong mystic is bring the queer aesthetic to SoCal’s paranormal and spiritual world
Though brooms, black hats, and big cauldrons may sometimes play a role in the life of a witch, initiated priestess and lifelong mystic, Intuitive Shana lives the reality of a practicing witch in Southern California’s bustling life, where the paranormal and supernatural are just a moment away.
With the popularity of “Wicked,” the conception of who a witch is and the stigma surrounding the world of magic are changing.
Coming into her powers at a very early age, Shana blends ancient wisdom from her Hawaiian and Italian roots, with modern spiritual tools to dive into the magical world with a deeply personal touch. As much as she is in tune with the realities of Los Angeles life, she is as connected with the other side.
She helps people around the nation on Zoom and in person at The Green Man Store in Burbank connect with their spiritual side. Whether giving workshops, leading rituals, spearheading a ghost hunt, or reading tarot cards — she brings curiosity and reverence to every encounter with the unseen. Shana also hosts two podcasts; Wine, Spirits & Witches and Queer From The Other Side. She’s also often seen roaming around town (even at The Abbey), with her haunted doll, Stephanie.
We’ve hung out with Stephanie, and we can attest — yes, there is something supernatural there.
Shana will be joining our team of writers to give you a monthly rundown, using tarot and a hint of astrology to give us insight on what’s happening in the paranormal and spiritual realms as it relates to queer life in Southern California.
We chatted with Shana as she put the finishing touches on a spell and candle for a client.
How did you first come into contact with the paranormal or other side?
I grew up in a haunted house, so it’s more like the paranormal found me. It was very common to have little things go missing, like a book or a ball of yarn, and then they would show up in odd places like on top of the refrigerator, or on a shelf outside…but only after you asked the spirit in the home to give it back to you. You could look high and low, but if you didn’t ask the spirit for it, good luck!
This was my ancestral home, so the room I grew up in was actually the room that my mother grew up in as well. As far back as I can remember, my grandmother would tell me that there was a portal in my closet and that the ghost of a little boy lived there. Hearing things like that was something that was normal to me, and when you’re a child, you just accept these things as fact, especially if one of your grown-ups is telling you this.
What are the biggest misconceptions about being a real-life witch?
I really think that one of the biggest misconceptions about being a real-life witch is that we are miracle workers. I know a lot of people would think the biggest misconception is that we are all devil worshippers or have sold our souls to Satan, but I actually get that less and less these days! Now it’s, “Oh, you’re a witch? Can you make me famous? Can you curse my ex?” I know the idea of casting spells is appealing because it seems threateningly sexy and makes you think we can solve all of your life’s problems, but that’s not completely the case.
Spells and magic help twist and bend fate into a road that helps lead you in the direction you desire, or at least makes the road more manageable. But you still have to put in work to make things happen. What’s even more important, at least in my eyes, is the fact that witch or not, we are here living the human experience and that’s going to include things like heartbreak and struggle as well as the high points like love and success. We need all of these things to help shape us, magic can’t save you from character development!
How does your queer sensibility add to your intuitive powers?
I really think that my queer sensibility helped me hone in on my intuition and sharpen it from the very beginning. When we are children, we all have an intuitive inclination, but as we grow up, we start to shut it down, attributing a lot of it to imagination and telling ourselves magic, psychic powers, and ghosts aren’t real.
But it takes someone that is willing to reject the norms and challenge themselves to actually lean into and trust themselves and their authenticity to even consider that maybe it’s actually intuition over imagination. Being able to shift my own perspective and look at people, problems, and just the world in general from a queer lens has helped me embrace my intuition as the gift that it is, and become the reader and witch that I am today.
What do you love most about the witch/paranormal community in Los Angeles?
The Los Angeles pagan community is my home. I have found myself in it, grown into who I am, and made my chosen family and coven through it. It’s definitely grown and changed, especially since 2020, but I welcome all the new people into it and am happy to see this community growing and thriving.
While the pagan community and paranormal community can intertwine at times, in my opinion, they are two very different things. Aside from being with a group of ghost lovers, what I really love about the paranormal community is how diverse it really is. There are religious folks, atheists, pagans, and everything in between as far as brief systems. You also get the science geeks dipping their toes into divination tools, and woo-woo people using technology to align and give evidence to their psychic messages. A big melting pot coming together for one spooky reason. As with anything, there may be head-butting at times, but for the most part, people put those differences aside for their love of history and things that go bump in the night.
(Photo courtesy of Intuitive Shana)
You have led a series of ghost hunts. What has been one of your best experiences while conducting a ghost hunt?
I’ve been lucky enough to visit some very haunted places and artifacts all around the country, and I have seen and heard some crazy things with my ghost hunting equipment and I have even been a witness to psychic attacks and possession. But even with all of that, there is nothing quite like witnessing paranormal activity with your naked ears and eyes. It’s profound, thrilling, and sometimes terrifying.
The experience that always pops out is an investigation I was on that was closed to the public at an undisclosed women’s prison that is no longer in operation. It checked every box that makes you feel like you are in a horror movie. Peeling paint, sadistic and cryptic messages scrawled on the cell walls… the works. As I was in one of the cells, I heard another cell door not far away banging and banging.
At first, I thought it was a team member being loud, so I went out to snap at him and tell him we couldn’t hear a banshee over the noise he was making. But instead, I found an empty cell block. The banging didn’t stop, and I was able to find the door and set up some lights that would be triggered by vibration and movement.
It turns out that the doors were on an electric system and locked into an open position. The lights were never triggered, but the sound continued. That moment gave me an up-close experience of witnessing a residual haunting through sound. That sound would ring through the cell block every night. A memory staying alive through sound waves.
How can exploring our intuitive side help us in daily life?
Exploring our intuitive side helps us on a lot of levels. It’s kind of like working from the inside out. When you start to trust your intuition, it means that you start to trust yourself in a different and deeper way. This translates to our everyday life because your intuition and, therefore, spirit guides are giving you confidence and validation in your decisions, and that just helps give us an extra slice of peace in regards to the life we are choosing to live.
Being tuned in to what your spirits are saying helps you get a proper read on a person or situation, and we all know that it is always beneficial to be the vibe check queen. Listen to your dreams, your tarot cards, and that primal gut feeling you get. It is never there to steer you wrong.
There is so much turmoil for the queer community right now – politically and socially. How can we get through this tough time spiritually?
The world is a very strange place these days, and we are all feeling the effects of it trickling down and bringing us down as individuals and as a community. This is a time that we can really lean into our spirituality to find inner strength and encourage ourselves to continue doing the inner work to heal and grow. A lot of times, when we do this, it starts as a solo act, and we begin to attract people who are on the same wavelength, and that creates a new sense of community, inspiration, and safety. We must remember that there is strength in numbers.
Now, more than ever, I encourage people to honor and communicate with their ancestors. And when I say ancestors, I am not just talking about blood relatives, even though your mom or grandfather could be an excellent source of power for you. I am talking about past pillars of the community, people who led the revolution, or people who preached love and authenticity and practiced what they preached.
When we honor spirits and give them a space to connect with us, through things like dreams or meditation, they come to us with messages and words, or encouragement. If you don’t believe in spirit communication or think you lack that ability, you can at the very least use this practice to help you shape shift and lean into embodying these archetypes.
Many from the queer community have not had the best relationship with religion. How does being spiritual and connecting with the paranormal differ from being religious?
Religion teaches us to fit inside a box and follow rules. If who you are as a person doesn’t fit nicely into this box, you are shunned, and faced with things like the idea of going to Hell. Spirituality isn’t one size fits all. When I began really studying different belief systems and turning to paganism, the most enticing part of it was the fact that I had the freedom to not only be who I am and be accepted and celebrated for it, but I was also given the freedom to worship and work with any deity that spoke to me.
There was no right or wrong to it. Only what was right for my spirit in that moment. When we are able to look at faith and spirituality as something that is uplifting and blessing us with divine strength instead of something that is condemning us, we open up a whole new world of possibilities that can provide satisfaction to our souls.
You host Queer from the Other Side podcast, who has been one of your favorites guests and what did you learn from them?
We have seen some fascinating guests on Queer from the Other Side! It’s hard to pick a favorite because everyone was so different, but I’d have to say that out of all of the season 1 guests, Nick Brown was my favorite. Nick is an Egyptologist who came on the show and spoke to us about Egypt. It was really informative to hear about his experience as a queer person in Egypt, especially since we all know how controversial and dangerous it can be over there for anyone in the queer community.
I also loved that Nick has a very mundane and grounded point of view when it comes to ancient aliens and Egyptian deities. The conversation stayed informative and nonjudgmental even though we were speaking to him about some of the more “woo woo” theories and beliefs surrounding ancient Egypt.
How do you balance your everyday life and your intuitive life?
Because my 9 to 5 is literally being a witch and spiritual consultant, my everyday life is very blended with my intuitive life. I have learned to create space in my life, both professional and personal, so that my intuition is allowed to flow in and help guide me. Even when its not in big ways like a reading or through ritual, my spirit guides speak up and give me messages or what I call “hits” about things, like when to pay attention to my dog because they are being low key but actually need to go to the vet, or to bring a special piece of equipment with me to work that I normally don’t take with me.
It’s like a fine-tuned gut feeling. I bet if you paid attention, you have it too. Sometimes it’s just subtle.
As with all things, balance is key. Too much freedom to let your intuition and spirit run wild is like drinking too many martinis. It starts out fun, but we both know it’s going to get messy soon enough. Back to the human experience I talked about earlier, we are here on Earth. We have bills to pay, jobs to hold down, and relationships we need to show up for. If you let your spiritual side run the show, these things start to fall apart. So while having a fine-tuned intuition is important to me, it’s equally important that I know when to shut it down and show up as a mundane, regular adult.
You are going to be doing tarot monthly kickoffs for the Los Angeles Blade audience. What will readers walk away with from reading your new column?
I am so excited for the opportunity to start sharing some otherworldly insight with the Los Angeles Blade readers! I’m going to be doing a monthly tarot forecast to help give people a look at the major energies that are going to be sitting with us for the month ahead. This is going to act as a guide to help everyone know when to avoid drama, push harder on their projects, give their love life special attention, or just relax and let life happen. I am going to make sure to note what to expect and how to navigate things if the month has planetary retrogrades (like when Mercury gets spicy and goes into retrograde). And hello, I’m a witch. That means that I will also be dropping bits and pieces of magical knowledge and even suggesting that readers carry a certain crystal or do a particular spell if the month calls for it. Stay tuned, my witchlings!
What is your message to the queer community?
My message for the queer community is to love and honor yourself through both your material life and your spiritual life. Lean on your spirituality, your magic, your spirit guides, and your ancestors.
Follow Intuitive Shana on IG.
Features
Meet your bartender: Matthew Stratman, the muscle of Happy Hour
This familiar face of Motherlode gets the party started early in West Hollywood
Those who frequent Happy Hour at Motherlode in West Hollywood know one of the most familiar faces on Santa Monica Blvd. Matthew Stratman, often showing off his muscled frame in short shorts and a tank top, has been getting the party started early many times a week at this long-time establishment.
Yes, he is known for his good looks (he was a model) and his muscular stature (he’s also a regular at John Reed Fitness), but Stratman’s bartending goes beyond that.
As most bars in West Hollywood are pivoting back to a focus on customer service, Motherlode continues to stand by the ideals of “that neighborhood bar” since its opening in 1979, where staff not only know your drink (often poured before you even sit down), but they also know your name. This is the queer version of Cheers.
It is no big surprise that Stratman was nominated for Best Bartender for this year’s Los Angeles Blade Best of 2025. He continues to pack in a wide variety of clientele every afternoon starting at 3 pm, when Motherlode opens its doors to the very affordable Happy Hour. We do have a word of warning, just like the customer service from yesteryear, they also have a heavy pour, like yesteryear — their drinks are not for the faint of heart.
Stratman’s journey to Los Angeles is a winding one, while coming into his own regarding his sexuality and his career. He has a colorful past that has contributed to his colorful personality. We caught up with Stratman in between his slinging drinks.
You grew up in Missouri, not known for being the most welcoming of queer folk. How did that shape the way you viewed your own sexuality?
While I was in Missouri, it was very difficult because it was not a welcoming place to come out. There was and still is a lot of homophobia, so I knew I had to get out of there and move to a place where I could be myself and live the way I wanted to. In my head, I needed to move to a big city, and I personally wanted somewhere warmer, so LA stood out for me even though I had never been before.
What was your coming out story?
Coming out was the worst experience. I made friends with the only gay person in my town. When people saw this, they immediately thought I was gay. I was still in high school, so this led to bullying. I made a goal for myself to move out of my hometown as soon as I graduated, which I did.
How did coming to Los Angeles and working in nightlife help you be more confident in your sexuality and your identity as a gay man?
I was finally able to be myself and enjoy relationships and friendships in our community. It took a little time to adapt, though. It was such a culture shock to move from a small town to a big city.
Horoscope sign: Sagittarius
Favorite drink you make: Anything fast and easy!
What do you love most about queer nightlife in West Hollywood?
I have met so many people over the years, and it literally feels like one big friendship. At any given time that I walk down the street, I seem to know everyone.
How has nightlife changed the most, for better and for worse, in your opinion?
I think it’s a constant roller coaster. There are always ups and downs. The biggest change I’ve seen is bars coming and going. We have lost some great spots but yet we still have amazing places left. Also, I feel the Pride events used to be more fun when it was affordable for everyone to go. It’s just so expensive now that most people opt out and just go straight to the bars.
Is it true you worked for Bobby Trendy? Do you have any crazy stories from that time?
Yes, I did. I was his assistant for a few years. He was amazing to work for. It was a job that came with a lot of fun, TV time, and weekly parties. I don’t have any crazy stories, but it was fun to meet all the celebrities he did business with.
How many tattoos do you have? 36
What drink do you make the best? Cadillac Margarita
What drink do you secretly hate making? Anything muddled and martinis
What are the biggest misconceptions people have about you as a bartender?
I think the biggest misconception is that people think this is a part-time position and always ask about what my goals are. I love my job and don’t plan on leaving, and they always seem baffled when I say that.
You do double time as a bartender and as a dancer at Motherlode. What aspects do you love the most about doing both?
They are both very different yet the same. Bartending is a lot of work, and so is dancing. Dancing always feels like a break now because I can let my mind be at ease while on the box, because I don’t have any responsibilities while up there, compared to bartending. I talk to so many people at both bartending and dancing. I’m dealing with tip money on both as well. I am lucky to be able to do both jobs at Motherlode, which kind of sets me apart from most others in the bar scene.
Why do you love Motherlode so much?
Bobby! The owner is a treasure! He makes it such a fun place to work. He takes care of all of us and we take care of him. Mark the manager is amazing, and all my co workers Jeremy, Nick, Paul, Doug, Joe, Brandon, Victor, and Michael.
What sets Motherlode apart from other bars in the community?
People just love Motherlode. We are busy all the time at any time of the day or night. We have amazing happy hour specials and a loyal customer base that has made Motherlode their home base. We have amazing DJs, stiff drinks, and no drama. That’s all ya need.
Biggest pet peeve on people tipping you as a go-go?
When they slap your butt with everything they have. Please don’t do this!
What do you do after a long night of working?
I eat everything in sight.
How can the community best support the Weho bar/club scene?
Come out and have a drink. Come out, tip your dancers. Come see and support the drag shows! There is something for everyone.
Guilty pleasure TV show: Criminal Minds
Worst pickup line you’ve heard at the bar? “Why didn’t you come home last night?”
What is your message to the community?
Be nice to everyone! You never know what people are going through. People come out to drink for numerous reasons. I hear a lot of stories, and you can make their day just by simply smiling and acknowledging them.
California Politics
Zbur continues fight for LGBTQ rights amid Trump attacks
He continues to cement a pro-equality legacy in state legislature
Assemblymember Rick Chavez Zbur (D-51), 68, grew up in a rural farming community
surrounded by animals and land in Rio Grande Valley, New Mexico — ultimately becoming the first person in his rural community to attend an Ivy League university.
Since then, he has continued to build his reputation as an advocate and as a
political leader in environmental justice and LGBTQ rights.
Most recently, Zbur introduced Assembly Bill 309, which would support
California’s strategy to prevent the spread of HIV and viral hepatitis by preserving existing laws that increase access to sterile syringes at no added cost to the state.
“Extensive research and data collection has repeatedly proven that increased access to sterile syringes significantly lowers rates of transmission and saves lives
without increasing rates of drug use,” said Zbur when presenting AB 309.
He added that the average estimated cost for lifetime medical costs related to HIV treatment for one person is $326,500. “Syringe access not only saves lives, but it also saves individuals and the state from the steep cost of treatment,” he continued.
As a gay man in the peak of the AIDS crisis, Zbur saw some of his own close friends become ill, motivating him to become an AIDS activist at a time when the federal government was failing to provide resources to the community that needed them the most.
“Since I’ve been in the Assembly, I’ve always had a number of bills every year that focus on uplifting the LGBTQ community, as well as getting to zero, in terms of HIV — zero transmissions, zero deaths, zero stigma.”
Prior to this bill and a few others, Zbur also introduced AB 5, which he says was a culmination of eight years worth of work, from the time he started working for Equality California (EQCA), the state’s largest nonprofit organization dedicated toward advocating for LGBTQ civil rights.
AB 5, which was passed and is now known as the Safe and Supportive Schools
Act, is meant to improve the conditions for LGBTQ students in schools.
“I think this bill has the most impact for LGBTQ youth and it’s the one I’m proudest of because it requires that every teacher in California schools has LGBTQ cultural competency training, to make sure that our schools are safe and supportive.” Zbur, a longtime advocate for the LGBTQ community, has a long history of activism.
In the early 1980s, Zbur campaigned for the fight against HIV/AIDS, helped found the Children Affected by AIDS Foundation and alongside the Los Angeles LGBT Center, organized fundraisers for Bill Clinton while he was governor of Arkansas, and Barbara Boxer, who was then running for U.S. Senate.
“I think part of me coming out more publicly was due to the HIV epidemic and
the fact that I had friends that were getting sick,” he said. “I had a long-term boyfriend
back then and we started to get politically active, really trying to make sure that the
government was doing something about the HIV epidemic.”
He says that this is when he decided he was going to get Barbara Boxer elected, because she was the only Senate candidate during that time who was even mentioning the LGBTQ community.
In 1996, Zbur ran for the United States House of Representatives in California’s 38th congressional district against Republican incumbent Steve Horn. He became the first openly gay non-incumbent congressional primary candidate to win an election when he won the Democratic primary election on March 26, 1996.
During many years following that win, Zbur jumped into another pool of justice
fighting for environmental issues and then in 2014, joined Equality California as
executive director. Under his leadership, EQCA quadrupled in size, passed groundbreaking legislation to advance LGBTQ equality measures and sued the Trump-Pence administration twice, blocking attacks against the transgender community of California.
In 2022, Zbur was elected to the California State Assembly to represent the 51st
Assembly District, a position he currently serves. He was appointed in July 2023 by
Assembly Speaker Robert Rivas to serve as the Democratic Caucus Chair of the California Assembly, one of the Speaker’s key leadership positions. During that time, he also led the advancement in civil rights and social justice for the many other marginalized communities within the LGBTQ umbrella, such as communities of color, communities of faith, immigrants women and people living with HIV.
Zbur says that his work is never over.
“We’re facing greater risks that are greater than I think we’ve faced in recent
years coming out of the [first] Trump administration. The targeting of transgender and
gender non-conforming people is an even greater part of his hostility toward our
community,” he said. “It’s very real, and we see that it’s not just rhetoric. He’s taking real
steps to try to shut down the healthcare that LGBTQ people and transgender people
need.”
Zbur says that he and the other members of the LGBTQ Caucus in Sacramento
are constantly thinking of those decisions and their repercussions.
“I have another bill that is focused on helping transgender people get the
government documents they need, so they can protect themselves from the Trump
administration and so that they can travel easily to get medical care.”
Zbur says that his own coming out story was positive, but he grew up in a time
where he did not know anyone who was out about their identity. He went through many
trials and tribulations to end up in a space where he was finally accepted.
“For me, coming to terms with the fact that I was LGBTQ, was something that
took a number of years,” said Zbur. “The world was just a very different place back then
and the risks were high, coming out.”
When he started his career as a lawyer, he became a partner in a law firm called
Latham and Walkins, where there was not a single person who was out.
“I eventually came out when I was a fourth or fifth year associate and I became
the first out lawyer in the firm’s history, though there were other gay lawyers at the firm.”
Now, at 68, Zbur says that his only regret is that he lived in the closet for too long.
“When I look back at the things I regret, it’s that I lived in the closet for as long as
I did,” he said. “That is a very limiting thing that I think doesn’t allow your soul or your
spirit to flourish.”
Bars & Parties
Bear World Magazine gives the bear community a mighty roar
Richard Jones is fighting the good fight in queer subculture representation
Entrepreneur and co-founder of Gray Jones Media, Richard Jones is the mastermind behind Bear World Magazine. Together with his editor, Robin Gray, they understand that their publication is needed now more than ever.
In 1979, George Mazzei wrote an article for The Advocate characterizing gay men by certain animals titled, “Who’s Who in the Zoo?” It was that article that gave voice to the chubbier, hairier, gay man — the almighty ‘bear.’
The term took wing and by the mid-1980s, gay men, who identified as ‘bears’ would gather in social and sexual settings. Feeling ousted because of body type and hairy body parts, these bear groups would congregate separate from the gay community at large, feeling safe and accepted in their own circle.
Presently, the bear community is a thriving, worldwide community with a variety of events and social groups, and the members of that sector have grown to include all shapes and sizes. Over the last decade, the bear community has gained a bigger presence in mainstream gay culture and one can spot a number of twinks at bear pool parties as well as a large contingent of bears showing off on Pride main stages. As the celebration of body types gains traction and the pressures of peak physique diminish, the segregation of the bear community and the rest of gay culture has faded.
Keeping the bear voice very much alive is Bear World Magazine, which is ready to celebrate 13 years in media. Celebrating the bear culture and all of its varying members, is at the forefront of Bear World, without diminishing the queer community that exists beyond the ‘zoo.’
Despite the challenges that chubbier men face because of societal norms and despite the challenges that queer media has faced in recent political climates — they continue to fight the fight via their online publication, podcasts, awards, nationwide events and video content.
The bear’s roar continues to represent.
We chatted with Jones as we compared notes on queer media, building a legacy and what the future of queer representation might look like.
What was the inspiration for starting Bear World?
It was all an accident. I was a member of a bear online group that is no longer around and for the life of me cannot remember the name. They asked the 30,000 members for help with ideas to save the site. Server costs were crippling, etc. I pitched them an idea to create their own magazine. I would own it but license their name and split the ad money with them. They liked the idea and asked me to pitch it more formally. I started to prepare that and then never heard from them again. I think our idea was great but wasn’t going to make enough money for them quick enough. In the end, I realized I could do it anyway and changed the name to Bear World Mag and here we are almost 13 years later.
Bear World Mag’s first cover, featuring the cast of “Where The Bears Are,” in August 2012. Photo courtesy of BWM.
What was your first exposure to the bear world as a queer man?
Funnily enough, it was a visit to Ty’s in NYC — before I really knew what Bears were. I remember seeing ‘BEAR’ as a specific chat room in Gaydar (that’s an old reference) too — but had no idea. It wasn’t until I started going to Be Your Be Yourself (BUBU), which was started by the amazing Paul Bloomer in Belfast Northern Ireland over ten years ago now, and then a bear group there that I really understood how broad the community could be and how I could fit into it.
What are some of the biggest challenges in keeping BWM thriving?
I think trying to keep it fresh, keeping it looking forward as well. The community is ever-evolving and we try to showcase that. We miss things as we are a small team, so we are always encouraging people to tell us about their events, their groups and we try to showcase as much of the global bear community as we can. We have just started to cover the Australian bear community more deeply, with a new dedicated deputy editor Luka Musicki, who is on the ground talking to the groups and helping us find local advertisers!
What are some of the biggest challenges that queer media faces in general?
I hate talking about this but at the moment it’s the hesitation of advertisers to spend with us. The recent political upheaval has meant that the big advertisers are pulling away and the small advertisers might be more hesitant to advertise because of fear of the economy. We have seen media decline since the pandemic and those of us left are finding it harder to survive.
The appetite to pay for media just isn’t there. It means we have to be leaner and adaptable. It’s why we are starting our Bear World TV content, short videos from key bear voices, showcasing different elements of the bear community. All of us are used to consuming more short-form videos, the bears too. We are very excited about its impact and how it will help stabilize Bear World Mag.
What do you hear most from your readers?
They love the hairy content! I’m serious. I think the way we present a bigger different body —although never nude — is inspiring to them. Our bears of the week who are our readers basically from all over the world, are a key part of showing the community from 21-99 in all body shapes and sizes, we are so very diverse even in this niche community.
What are some of your biggest achievements with the magazine?
Well being here almost 13 years later is the biggest achievement. It was a quick idea that has lasted through greater content, great editors and writers and just never trying to tell the community what they should be but more mirroring them, where they are at all times. I’m proud of some key interviews including Armistead Maupin.
It was a big thrill to meet him and chat with him. He gives good hugs. I’m proud of our female and trans bears that have been cover stars, I’m proud of the young bears that have found us and have said how we helped them be confident in themselves. They always came at my most difficult times and helped me to keep moving forward.
Cover of Bear World Mag featuring Armistead Maupin in 2014. Photo courtesy of BWM.
The bear community has been getting a much bigger voice and more representation in the queer world, why is that?
I think the biggest reason is that the queer community as a whole is getting more representation on mainstream TV, and the mainstream media. The dad bod and body positivity have helped our bodies be seen as attractive. It’s been great to see bears become character choices over the years across many different TV and films. I had the opportunity to interview the very bear-y straight actor Patrick Cox, who played John on “Two Broke Girls.”
I think [he is] a very ordinary representation of a bear and he was not there to be the butt of fat jokes. The “Will & Grace” reboot had Jack partnered with a bear cub. We have seen bears referenced on “30 Rock,” and even the reboot of the “Muppets” had Fozzy Bear talk about gay bears briefly. Just recently on “The Connors” the greatest Bear Icon of all time, Dan, (some would say) referenced the bear community which in a weird way was beautiful to see.
So it all comes back to representation matters. Writers and show-runners are plugged into the community and are now likely to be queer themselves. A key writer on “Saturday Night Live” is queer, so we’ve seen a lot more queer references on that show in recent times. We, of course, are thrilled to see it.
You also do events around the nation. What do you love most about the fellowship of the bear community at these events?
We do a couple of events, Key West Bear Weekend and now WOOF week also in Key West, in partnership with Island House Resort. [That’s our] cheeky plug, thanks!
I think the fellowship is the strength and growth of Bear Weeks and Bear Weekends around the country and the world. To be together and feel safe and attractive is what the queer community finds in any gay or queer bar — and us bears probably never had that. We were always the fat one or the hairy one. To head to a bear weekend and know that you will feel safe just for wearing a tank that shows off your furry shoulders is a tonic to us all.
Add in that we might actually feel attractive and flirted with, and you can see why bears flock to these events. So the fellowship follows, lifelong friends are made and it’s why these events are now starting to hit 20 or 30-year anniversaries. It’s like coming home. Walking down the street in P-town during Bear Week holding your husband’s hand without a worry is magical.
How has the bear community changed the most over the years?
I like to think it’s queerer. Bears can be masculine still, but also a little queer, maybe embrace not feeling that we have to wear plaid, but maybe a crop top and wear pink. And of course that we are more and more making space for our female sisters and trans brothers has been wonderful to see.
How can the general queer community best support the bear community?
That’s a great question. I think as long as we have space to be recognized, in any way at all and never marginalized — that’s all we ask. I think the bear community in turn should show up to support the fuller queer community too. Which I think we are. We always have more work to do, but I think the recent uproar about a bear campsite not welcoming trans bears and then the wider bear community rejecting that and then boycotting that camp, showed who we are at heart. It makes me very proud.
There is much division in the nation right now, also within the queer community. Why is it so important to celebrate the “bear” label and all that subcategories it comes with?
I think this is a time the queer community is able to and should come together, we realize collectively what we have been fighting for these last 50 or more years since Stonewall. We are used to being bullied, so I think on the whole we have thick skin. In celebrating the ‘bear’ label, I like to think we are encouraging of any group to celebrate who they are. Many more subgroups under the queer umbrella are much more visible now, look at how the rainbow flag has evolved, we will continue to as well. Our collective strength is not diminished if we are different from each other in some way, basically, that’s the human race. We need to fully embrace it and make room for all.
What have you learned most about yourself from being the Publisher of Bear World?
Oh gosh, that you can’t stand still. That media is ever evolving as much as we are as people. You have to be resilient and prepared to change because the world both in humanity and in commerce, will change and evolve and you cannot stand still or it will pass you by.
What can we look forward to this year from Bear World?
Well, we are about to start planning for the Bear World Magazine Awards Year three which will be in N.Y.C and part of the Urban Bear Weekend, and the red carpet celebration will be at ReBar. We are really excited about our new video content — which we think will be transformative for us and for the community. More Great covers, so much more content about the Australian bear community too — that’s truly exciting to dive into.
What is your message to the queer community?
Stay strong, find and support the community you are in or want to be part of and live with as much joy as you can because that pisses the haters off way more than our anger. But keep the anger too. We need that as well to fuel our never-ending fight.
Follow everything at Bear World Magazine.
Features
Meet the new co-presidents of the NLGJA LA Chapter
The National Lesbian Gay Journalists Association’s LA Chapter under new leadership
An award-winning documentary filmmaker and a news producer make up the dynamic duo who now run the Los Angeles chapter of the NLGJA: The Association of LGBTQ+ Journalists.
NLGJA is a nationally recognized affinity group meant to unite journalists from dozens of different industries, who identify as members of the LGBTQ community.
The national chapter recognizes the work and contributions of LGBTQ journalists who work to further the narratives by queer, trans and gender non-conforming people.
Hansen Bursic, 27, pisces, is one half of the dynamic duo who now run the L.A chapter.
Katie Karl, 30, gemini, forms the other half.
Last year, Bursic and Karl took over as interim co-presidents and have been able to grow the local chapter to include a diverse and wide range of voices on the Board of Directors and on the membership list.
The chapter has hosted a long list of events that include collaborations with other local and national organizations with roots in Los Angeles, such as GALECA: Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics and the Asian American Journalists Association.
It became the first time in the Los Angeles chapter’s history that there was such a shift in leadership, with two people taking over the leading role.
“It was just too big of a job for one of us to do, especially in rebuilding. So we decided to get together and come on as co-president’s, which was recommended by the national president, Ken Miguel,” said Karl.
When it comes to the chapter’s mission, Bursic says it’s a two-fold goal.
“We want to build a sense of community for queer and trans journalists in Southern California and we also want to advocate for those journalists any chance we get by building the spaces where journalists can meet each other, breaking down barriers and trying to reduce gatekeeping of opportunities for our members so they can thrive and find a place in Southern California newsrooms,” he said.
Many of the events that are hosted by the NLGJA LA Chapter are free and open to the general public through RSVP. One of the common misconceptions the affinity group faces, is that many people feel as though their work may not directly correspond to the work pursued by current members of the group. However, that is not the case.
“Together, we really want to make sure that everyone feels included,” said Karl. “I’m in broadcast and Hansen is in documentary and together we really push to make sure that no matter what kind of journalist you are, you know there is a space for you and you feel welcomed.”
The organization welcomes members and people to attend their public events, who work in industries that are adjacent to the work journalists do and those who might just be creatives with multi-hypenated titles.
Bursic has a full-time day job in communications for a nonprofit, but his creative work extends far beyond his work in communications. His energy and passion lie in documentary filmmaking. Bursic recently directed and produced “Trans Heaven Pennsylvania” (2024). The 12-minute documentary is about the 2010s in Pennsylvania, where each year, a group of trans women would take over a small American town for a week-long party. The documentary was funded through the Creative Hope Initiative, an incubator for emerging LGBTQ filmmakers sponsored by Traverse32 and Outfest Film Festival.
The film most recently screened internationally in London, at the Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club. Its next screening will be at the Grandview Theater Drafthouse & Cinema in Columbus, Ohio on May 3rd.
Bursic has a notable list of accomplishments, including making the 30 under 30 list at Temple University in 2023. He has also been named a DOC NYC Documentary New Leader, has had a spot in the Ford Foundation Rockwood Documentary Leadership Fellowship and Sundance Film Festival Press Fellowship.
Karl was born and raised in the Greater Los Angeles area, is a dedicated news producer with extensive experience in live news coverage and team coordination. Currently a freelance writer and producer at KABC, she brings years of experience from her work at stations like KPNX, KHQ and KEYT.
Karl, says the experience of connecting with the members more, has been really rewarding.
“Going forward, my goal is to grow the chapter in name and recognition,” said Karl. “I want our [reach to get] across other organizations in other areas of journalism and that’s why I joined the board in the first place.”
Features
New mayor Chelsea Byers, hopes to make WeHo a model city for others to follow
She has big plans, but can they withstand the Trump administration?
West Hollywood’s new mayor Chelsea Byers has lofty ambitions to make the 1.8-square-mile city, a model for other cities in the region.
She hopes to deal with compounding crises of housing affordability, traffic congestion, climate change and a new federal government that’s slashing programs and services many people – especially LGBTQ people – rely on.
But can Byers, who was elected to city council in November 2022 and selected as
mayor by council in January, really make a difference during her one-year stint in the
city’s top job?
Byers believe she can.
On one of the biggest challenges facing West Hollywood residents – housing
affordability – Byers fully embraces more housing development.
“For 80% of the city of West Hollywood including myself, who are renters, accessing a
home that is affordable is a very difficult thing. And the way that cities can address that
cost is frankly, by building more housing,” said Byers.
Byers also says she fully accepts the state’s regional housing needs assessment, which
assigned West Hollywood a target of building 3,933 new housing units in the next eight
years. That’s a tall order, given the city is currently only home to about 38,000 people.
“We’re going to have to look at this sort of invisible cap that we put across the town to
increase the capacity in a way that is equitable, that creates more opportunity for
different types of housing to be built. We wouldn’t want all of this rezoning to help us
lead to more one-bedroom apartments, when we know that the future of the city is also
accommodating more families,” said Byers, noting that queer families also struggle to find
homes in West Hollywood.
Those housing targets also dovetail with the city’s long-standing ambition to have
Metro’s K-Line extended through West Hollywood, Byers says.
But even if West Hollywood meets its targets, it’ll only be a small drop in region that
studies estimate needs to build more than 600,000 units of affordable housing. Still,
Byers says West Hollywood can lead by example and get buy-in from the other cities in
LA County to help solve the affordability crisis together.
“I believe that our values can be extended to these other places and help move them
actually in big ways,” said Byers.
Those values necessarily include West Hollywood’s historic diversity and inclusivity of
its LGBTQ+ and immigrant communities, both of which are feeling ill at ease from the
federal government’s attacks.
“I think it goes above and beyond the fear-mongering and outright assaults that the
current federal administration’s lobbying at the LGBTQ community. It’s the real
dismantling of funding and structures that existed at the federal level to enable a lot of
the social service programming that our LGBTQ community members rely on,” said Byers. “That is the biggest thing that we feel right now when I’m asked as a city leader,
how are we impacted?”
The city is responding to this looming threat through its own funding process.
“We’re at the start of a three-year cycle that determines how, which organizations, we
invest our $7.8 million social service budget. To have these two moments happening at
the same time gives the city a tremendous opportunity to step up to whatever extent we
can,” she said, noting that programs for sexual health care, HIV programs, and aging
in place are particular priorities.
“Part of what I’m doing is creating funding that is accessible and available in more rapid
ways than our three-year cycle. Because once the three-year cycle has closed its door,
then that is it. One of those tools is a micro grant program that is specifically dedicated
towards Innovative or programming that that is needed,” Byers said.
Part of the response is also ensuring that West Hollywood remains a beacon for LGBTQ
people not just in Los Angeles, but across the country and around the world.
“You’ll see us as the city not back down from our investment in programs like Pride
which are world-class events,” she said. “For us, this is the thing that matters. And
we’re willing to make the additional investments in the public safety resources to make
sure that it’s going to be a safe event.
“I think a lot of our community members have always felt like they are a target already,
and it hasn’t stopped anyone from doing their thing. In fact, if all eyes are watching, then
we better give them a good show, has been our attitude.”
Earlier this month, city council voted to officially designate the Santa Monica strip
between La Cienega and Doheny as the Rainbow District, with a dedicated budget to
improve and promote the area as a destination. The area will soon see new street pole, banners, utility wraps, murals, and the West Hollywood Trolley bus will have service
extended to Thursday nights to help promote business along the strip.
Byers says the city is also looking at reducing red tape around how business spaces are
licensed to help revitalize the area.
“We’ve often said that West Hollywood is a model for how it gets done,” said Byers. “It’s
such a beautiful moment for us to sort of pivot our focus locally and remind ourselves
that cities are about quality of life, and making sure that we can be an inclusive city.”
Features
Los Angeles Blade kicks off free community event series with political panel on government
Time To Get Informed, Time To Resist will be hosted by The Abbey on Saturday, April 19th at 10 am, as an open forum to present the current political climate as it affects SoCal for the queer community and beyond
“Time To Get Informed, Time To Resist” will be hosted by The Abbey on Saturday, April 19th at 10 a.m., as an open forum to present the current political climate as it affects SoCal for the LGBTQ community and beyond.
In its commitment to be a thriving resource for the SoCal community, the Los Angeles Blade, in partnership with Roar Resistance, will present its first free community event. The Time To Get Informed, Time To Resist panel will include government and advocacy group leaders who will discuss political news regarding the LGBTQ community and beyond, as it affects residents and business owners in California. The panel will also share different ways the community can activate and get involved. The event will conclude with a Q&A session.
The panel will be moderated by non-profit activist Michael Ferrera, representing Roar and will include Mayor of West Hollywood, Chelsea Byers; Jorge Reyes Salinas, Communications Director of Equality California; Abbe Land, former Mayor of West Hollywood and Co-Chair of Roar, Chris Baldwin; NAACP LGBTQ+ Committee Chair and Nico Brancolini, Political Vice President for Stonewall Democratic Club.
“We need to focus on the real issues to effectively resist. This forum will serve to educate concerned citizens and help them act locally to achieve this goal,” said Ferrera.
Join us for this free event on Saturday, April 19th at 10 am at The Abbey.
For more information, contact [email protected]
Features
Finding love in queer Los Angeles with matchmaker Daniel Cooley
Is it hard to date in queer Los Angeles? We do a deep dive into finding love with one of the community’s most in-demand matchmaker.
For those of us gay singles in Los Angeles, we know that dating can be difficult. In addition to all the usual dating issues, the queer community also has to deal with body issues, open relationships and hookup apps. Even with a large population of queer folk, trying to find love in Los Angeles can often seem futile. Is it possible to find love in today’s tech age?
Enter professional matchmaker Daniel Cooley, co-owner of Best Man Matchmaking, on a mission to help LGBTQ+ folks find real love and long-term commitment. You may have seen him see him pop up on TV, or may have heard about his packed singles mixers.
He and his full team (which even includes an astrologer and stylist) have a system that is tried and true. He is fully in tune with the challenges that queer singles face. We sat and chatted about it all—dating apps, monogamy, red flags, first dates, and more!
How did you get into the world of matchmaking?
A decade ago I appeared on the reality show “Millionaire Matchmaker” as a match for underwear designer Andrew Christian. I remember looking up to Patti Stanger’s ability to help singles understand the reasons why they might be single—she was so fierce and fabulous. Around that same time, I had also started a nonprofit focused on HIV-related needs. Within that non-profit, I helped build a large social network and club—made up mostly of gay, bi, or queer men. People would constantly ask me if I knew anyone in the group who was single.
I became known as the “divine connector,” always linking people to opportunities—whether it was a job, a new friend, or a date. I curated tons of long-term relationships, marriages, and lasting friendships. Years later, when I began to sell real estate, my single clients would often ask if I knew anyone they could potentially share their new home with.
That’s when I reached out to the only gay matchmaker I knew at the time, Mason Glenn, who used to run The Gay Matchmaking Club in Los Angeles. He introduced me to Anthony Canapi, who was working for a local matchmaker and eventually founded “Best Man Matchmaking”—working with him as a recruiter and matchmaker. Now I am the co-owner and CEO of “Best
Man Matchmaking.”
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges today in dating in the LA
queer community?
One of the biggest challenges with dating in the queer community is that many people haven’t done the inner work. Instead of connecting over shared morals, values, interests, and genuine connection, a lot of guys—especially those struggling with low self-esteem—are constantly chasing the next best or hottest thing.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to help men be more realistic with their expectations, but the response is often, “Well, he hooked up with me on Grindr, so why wouldn’t he date me?” The truth is, just because someone hooks up with you doesn’t mean they want to build a relationship with you. Swipe culture, hookup apps and social media have made dating more difficult—not just in the queer community, but across the board. Add to that
the trauma and insecurities many gay men are still working through, and it becomes even harder. Rejection from society is one thing, but rejection from within our own LGBTQ community—whether in dating or just trying to make friends—can be deeply painful. I hear horror stories all the time from gay men who feel consistently shut out by the very people they’re trying to connect with.
At what point should people turn to matchmaking to find a possible match?
There’s really no right or wrong time to turn to a matchmaker—but we recommend you begin the process before you think you’re ready. Some men wait until they are completely frustrated and exhausted dating on their own and that’s usually too late. You want fresh eyes and an open heart getting the process started with your matchmaker, not a jaded outlook.
Most of the clients we represent hire us because they value privacy and have a clear idea
of who they seem themselves with, coupled with the ongoing inner work of understanding what they have to offer their partner. And I’m not talking about physically or financially – the clients we place in relationships the fastest are the ones who know themselves really well. Did you know that recent studies show people are spending an average of 27 to 45 hours a month on dating apps? That seems unhealthy to me.
I love when my clients tell me that working with us feels like meeting someone “the organic way.” Like they are being introduced to a great match through a trusted friend. Hiring a matchmaker is like having a close friend who knows you really well and has access to a network of high-quality, relationship minded men. It’s that simple.
What are the biggest factors that you consider in matching people up?
Our matchmaking is based on 4 core concepts:
Morals & Values:
We look at core beliefs—how someone lives their life, what they stand for, and how they treat others. Shared values create long-term compatibility.
Interests & Lifestyle:
Do they enjoy the same things? Travel style, social life, routines—these everyday details matter when building a life together.
Sexual Compatibility:
This is especially important for gay men. Desire, preferences, and position in the bedroom. You can’t leave this out because it can make or break a connection.
Relationship Intentions:
We match people based on where they are emotionally and what kind of
relationship they’re ready for—not just who they’re attracted to.
What are some red flags that someone should never ignore?
There are two main red flags we screen for in matching our clients. Unclear communication is a major red flag. It’s one thing to be busy, but if they’re taking days to reply or you’re always the one initiating plans, that shows a lack of effort. Don’t expect that to magically change—poor communication doesn’t improve unless the person is actively working on it.
If someone says they are not sure what they want out of a relationship or connection, this is another red flag for us. For example, if they say they’re open to a relationship “if it happens,” but aren’t clear about wanting something long-term—believe them. Take their words seriously and move on. It’s better to invest your time in someone who knows what they’re looking for.
In your opinion, what would be a good first date?
A great first date involves doing something you genuinely enjoy—whether it’s trying out a new restaurant, hiking a trail you’ve been meaning to explore, or visiting a museum you’ve had your eye on. If your date enjoys it with you, there’s a good chance you’ll naturally connect. We’ll curate a first date for our clients that reflects their lifestyle, hobbies, and life stage.
What are the biggest mistakes people make when going on a date?
There’s one that we look out for.
The biggest mistake is not staying present. People often talk too much about themselves out of nervousness, instead of asking questions and getting to know their date. A common slip-up is bringing up an ex or sharing recent drama in their life. Leave the drama at the door and focus on enjoying the person in front of you.
It seems that monogamy has become less popular in relationships. Is this
true?
Monogamy is still very popular. Over 80% of the people who reach out to us are looking for a monogamous relationship. The rest may be open to something more flexible, like “monoga-mish”—meaning they’re in a committed relationship but open to exploring non-monogamy down the line—or they’re simply open-minded about different dynamics.
Our clients are men who are looking for the same kind of companionship many people want: a long-lasting relationship, emotional connection, and a true partner to build a life with.
Can open relationships work?
Absolutely! The one thing that’s absolutely necessary for any relationship to work— trust. The only way to build trust is to communicate your needs clearly.
If you’re in an open relationship and you’re sneaking around sleeping with everyone without being honest with your partner, chances are it’ll never work out. But if you’re transparent, if you let your partner know you love them and your needs also include connection with others—and they’re comfortable with that—then there’s no reason it can’t work.
We know the world of apps has changed the dating scene. Is it possible to
meet a quality date from an app?
Definitely.. But unfortunately, it’s more a matter of luck and timing to meet someone who’s actually relationship-ready, emotionally stable, financially secure, and checks most of your boxes.
You can meet your match anywhere! We encourage our clients not to put all their eggs in one basket. Many leave the apps on their own because they’re tired of wasting time with people who aren’t as serious about dating as they are. But others see the value in putting themselves out there in lots of different ways and love having our support while swiping.
What’s the best piece of advice you can give single people who are looking
for a relationship in Los Angeles?
People are craving touch, connection, and love. Try approaching more people you find attractive in real life—whether it’s at the store, the gym, or a social event. Be bold and courageous—people find that attractive. It’s easy to get rejected online, but most people are tired of the apps and are ready for something more real.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but I’ve found that people in LA can be flaky and passive-aggressive.
I say: be direct. Let people know what you want. If it’s not a match, just be honest and let them know. Don’t lead them on, or ghost them.
What do you love most about matchmaking?
Matchmaking is both the most rewarding job I’ve ever had and the most challenging. My favorite part of being a matchmaker is when a client is genuinely excited and hopeful about someone they just met through us. It happens everyday. There’s nothing more rewarding than supporting someone get closer to finding the person they want to spend their life with. It’s priceless and makes all the hard work worth it.
What have been the biggest things you’ve learned in matchmaking?
Being selective about emotional compatibility and shared values is healthy and critical if you’re serious about meeting someone—but being overly picky about things like looks or having the “perfect body” doesn’t serve anyone long-term.
What is your message to the single queer community of Los Angeles?
Do the inner work. Ask yourself if you’re truly being the person you want to date. If not, what unhealed emotions or past experiences are holding you back? The moment you begin that work, you open yourself up to deeper, more meaningful connections.
Stay tuned for Daniel’s new love and dating Los Angeles Blade column, coming soon!
For more information, check out BestManMatchmaking.com
Features
Tristan Schukraft speaks on keeping queer spaces thriving
The new owner of the Abbey continues to expand to protect queer spaces
Like the chatter about Willy Wonka and his Chocolate Factory, the WeHo community started to whisper about the man who was going to be taking over the world-famous Abbey, a landmark and part of history in Los Angeles’ queer nightlife. Rumors were put to rest when it was announced that entrepreneur Tristan Schukraft would be taking over the legacy created by Abbey founder David Cooley. All eyes are on him.
For those of us who were there for the re-opening of The Abbey, when the torch was officially passed, all qualms about the new regime went away as it was clear the club was in good hands and that the spirit behind the Abbey would forge on. Cher, Ricky Martin, Bianca del Rio, Jean Smart, and many other celebrities rubbed shoulders with veteran patrons, and the evening was magical and a throwback to the nightclub atmosphere pre-COVID.
The much-talked-about purchase of the Abbey was just the beginning for Schukraft. It was also announced that this business impresario was set to purchase the commercial district of Fire Island, as well as projects launching in Mexico and Puerto Rico. What was he up to? Tristan sat down with us to chat about it all.
“We’re at a time right now when the last generation of LGBT entrepreneurs and founders are all in their sixties and they’re retiring. And if somebody doesn’t come in and buy these places, we’re going to lose our queer spaces.”
Tristan wasn’t looking for more projects, but he recounts what happened in Puerto Rico. The Atlantic Beach Hotel was the gay destination spot and the place to party on Sundays, facing the gay beach. A new owner came in and made it a straight hotel, effectively taking away a place of fellowship and history for the queer community. Thankfully, the property is gay again, now branded as the Tryst and part of Schukraft’s portfolio with locations in Puerto Vallarta and Fire Island.
“If that happens with the Abbey and West Hollywood, it’s like Bloomingdale’s in a mall. It’s kind of like a domino effect. So that’s really what it is all about for me at this point. It has become a passion project, and I think now more than ever, it’s really important.”
Tristan is fortifying spaces for the queer community at a time when the current administration is trying to silence the LGBTQ+ community. The timing is not lost on him.
“I thought my mission was important before, and in the last couple of months, it’s become even more important. I don’t know why there’s this effort to erase us from public life, but we’ve always been here. We’re going to continue to be here, and it brings even more energy and motivation for me to make sure the spaces that I have now and even additional venues are protected going in the future.”
The gay community is not always welcoming to fresh faces and new ideas. Schukraft’s takeover of the Abbey and Fire Island has not come without criticism. Who is this man, and how dare he create a monopoly? As Schukraft knows, there will always be mean girls ready to talk. In his eyes, if someone can come in and preserve and advance spaces for the queer community, why would we oppose that?
“I think the community should be really appreciative. We, as a community, now, more than ever, should stand together in solidarity and not pick each other apart.”
As far as the Abbey is concerned, Schukraft is excited about the changes to come. Being a perfectionist, he wants everything to be aligned, clean, and streamlined. There will be changes made to the DJ and dance booth, making way for a long list of celebrity pop-ups and performances. But his promise to the community is that it will continue to be the place to be, a place for the community to come together, for at least another 33 years.
“We’re going to build on the Abbey’s rich heritage as not only a place to go at night and party but a place to go in the afternoon and have lunch. That’s what David Cooley did that no others did before, is he brought the gay bar outside, and I love that.”
Even with talk of a possible decline in West Hollywood’s nightlife, Schukraft maintains that though the industry may have its challenges, especially since COVID, the Abbey and nightlife will continue to thrive and grow.
“I’m really encouraged by all the new ownership in [nightlife] because we need another generation to continue on. I’d be more concerned if everybody was still in their sixties and not letting go.”
In his opinion, apps like Grindr have not killed nightlife.
“Sometimes you like to order out, and sometimes you like to go out, and sometimes you like to order in, right? There’s nothing that really replaces that real human interaction, and more importantly, as we know, a lot of times our family is our friends, they’re our adopted family.
Sometimes you meet them online, but you really meet them going out to bars and meeting like-minded people. At the Abbey, every now and then, there’s that person who’s kind of building up that courage to go inside and has no wingman, doesn’t have any gay friends. So it’s really important that these spaces are fun, to eat, drink, and party. But they’re really important for the next generation to find their true identity and their new family.”
There has also been criticism that West Hollywood has become elitist and not accessible to everyone in the community. Schukraft believes otherwise. West Hollywood is a varied part of queer nightlife as a whole.
“West Hollywood used to be the only gay neighborhood, and now you’ve got Silver Lake and you’ve got parts of Downtown, which is really good because L.A., is a huge place. It’s nice to have different neighborhoods, and each offers its own flavor and personality.”
Staunch in his belief in his many projects, he is not afraid to talk about hot topics in the community, especially as they pertain to the Abbey. As anyone who goes to the Abbey on a busy night can attest to, the crowd is very diverse and inclusive. Some in the community have started to complain that gay bars are no longer for the gay community, but are succumbing to our straight visitors.
Schukraft explains:
“We’re a victim of our own success. I think it’s great that we don’t need to hide in the dark shadows or in a hole-in-the-wall gay bar. I’m happy about the acceptance. I started Tryst Hotels, which is the first gay hotel. We’re not hetero-friendly, we’re not gay-friendly. We’re a gay hotel and everyone is welcome. I think as long as we don’t change our behavior or the environment in general at the Abbey, and if you want to party with us, the more than merrier.”
Schukraft’s message to the community?
“These are kind of dangerous times, right? The rights that we fought for are being taken away and are being challenged. We’re trying to be erased from public life. There could be mean girls, but we, as a community, need to stick together and unite, and make sure those protections and our identity aren’t erased. And even though you’re having a drink at a gay bar, and it seems insignificant, you’re supporting gay businesses and places for the next generation.”
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