This may be the last column you read from me. In just a few days, I will be going under the knife. I know what many of you are thinking – it’s about time! However, this is not elective surgery. While I have every confidence in my surgical team, anything can happen. If we’ve learned nothing from Auntie Joan and Donda, it is possible to come out of a minor procedure…DEAD! So, should that happen, well, it’s been a great couple of decades.
Of course, the last thing I want to do is be spending time in a hospital – ground zero for the coronavirus. They say the people most at risk are the old and the infirm. I may not be old, but it doesn’t get more infirm than being sliced open like a sturgeon. But you know who is really at risk? The Pope. The last time the Pontiff was seen in public, he was sneezing and coughing and hacking. He has since cancelled everything on his schedule. While the official word is that he’s been tested and is negative, there has been a single case of the coronavirus reported within Vatican City. And that got one of my friends thinking – if something happens to the Pope, how will they have a Conclave of Cardinals? I say they vote by app – perhaps they can hire those geniuses who made the one for the Iowa Caucus. Then we can see white or black smoke on our cell phones. That’s me – always thinking ahead.
He’s been quiet for a while, but last week Aaron Schock surfaced in Rio. And he was all over sexy Eliad Cohen. Now, I know what you’re all thinking – Aaron Schock is dating that little Cuban boy who came to America on an inner tube? No, that was Elián González, who I believe is currently working on Bernie Sanders’ campaign. This is Eliad Cohen – a successful Israeli circuit party promoter (and occasional actor and model). If you didn’t know who they were, you’d probably think Aaron and Eliad were just another hot gay circuit couple. But, of course, people do know who they are, and photographed them…as one does. And, as this one does, I’ll post them on BillyMasters.com – along with all those other photos (and videos) of every inch of Aaron.
And then Aaron did something unexpected – he came out. In a long, rambling essay. I really would have preferred some illustrations – as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. But, OK, I read it. Here’s my two cents. I don’t really care one iota about Aaron Schock. His minor political career didn’t interest me; his conservative views don’t interest me; and his voting record on anti-LGBTQ initiatives doesn’t interest me (but, should you like details, he supported DOMA and opposed DADT repeal). I realize I’m in the minority in my apathy – if social media means anything. The gays posting online are livid that in Schock’s statement, he never said the words, “I’m sorry.”
Here’s my question – why does anyone need to hear “I’m sorry” from someone so insignificant in their lives? Why are you elevating him to that importance? If you read his missive, it’s clear he’s a damaged person from a very dysfunctional family. He has demons he hasn’t even dealt with – again, not my problem. However, even I, the apathetic Billy Masters, can imagine the horror when he telephoned his mother to tell her he is gay just before going home for Easter, only to be told that he should turn around – he wasn’t welcome. I have no idea what that would feel like, but I’m willing to imagine it wouldn’t be fun. I suspect if he were less attractive, he’d probably get a bit more empathy from most gay men. And, if those haters were really honest, they’d admit that given half a chance, they’d sleep with him.
Continuing her string of appearances in this column, it’s time for yet another RuPaul story. For those of you who have been waiting to binge watch “AJ and the Queen,” be forewarned – this is not only the first season, it’s the last. Netflix cancelled it last week. RuPaul Tweeted, “End of the road for ‘AJ and The Queen.’ Netflix has decided to not extend our trip across America. Thank you for all the love & support. We’re so very proud of the work.”
Onto news about a reboot you’ll be able to see wherever you are. Amazon Prime Video is producing new episodes of “The Kids In The Hall.” Actually, it’s being produced by Canadian Amazon Original Series, which only makes sense since the original show originated in Canada. The entire cast has signed on for eight episodes.
With that, it’s time to end yet another column Even when I’m gone, my website will carry on. So check out BillyMasters.com – the site that can (hopefully) raise the dead! While I am certain I’ll survive this major operation, one can never be too sure. So, if you have a question, you have two options: hold a séance, or send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com. Either way, I hope to get back to you before Danny Newman slides into Schock…literally. So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.