“This is 20/20.” — Cheri Oteri rings in the New Year as Barbara Walters alongside a stoic Andy Cohen and a giggling Anderson Cooper on CNN.
I’m a lot like Tina Turner. Now, the obvious question to ask is, “How, Billy, are you like Tina Turner?” Sometimes I like my life to be nice and easy; but sometimes, I like it to be nice and rough. I was thinking – what would be a good challenge for this, the dawn of a new decade? Then it hit me — we’ve got 50 states in this country (more or less), and we’ve got 50 weeks in a year (more or less). So, why not try and have sex with a guy from a different state each week. I’ve built in a lot of conditions for this challenge. First off – none of this has to be done alphabetically. Also, layover sex in an airport definitely counts. However, the guy and I don’t need to have sex in the state in question. But since I’m a stickler for details, IDs should be consulted – even at certain gatherings where clothing is not required. Come to think of it, on a good night I could cross like a baker’s dozen states off the list if I’m lucid enough to keep track. Let’s see how this goes – and how often I need to go to urgent care.
Kathy Griffin didn’t need a gig on New Year’s Eve to make headlines. Forget about CNN and ABC. Kathy had a captive audience watching her ring in the New Year from her palatial home, where she GOT MARRIED! Yes, Griffin married her on-again/off-again beau Randy Bick. To make it a truly gayla affair, the officiant was the legendary Lily Tomlin, while Tomlin’s spouse, the great Jane Wagner, was a witness. It’s not God, but it’s close.
I wonder if Russell Tovey and Steve Brockman will become the Colton Haynes and Jeff Leatham of 2020 (there’s a chance many of you reading this would not be able to identify any of those four people in a police lineup). Tovey and Brockman were dating in 2017. They got engaged in 2018. Later that year, they broke up (perhaps that coincided with news of Brockman’s gay porn past going public). Last year, they started dating again. And as the year drew to a close, they were once again engaged. Looking forward to more drama with those crazy kids in 2020.
Gus Kenworthy has no use for kids. He’s courting an older crowd. How much older? In the words of Mame Dennis, somewhere between 40 and death. Gus was recorded meeting a group of three gay men who are denizens of God’s waiting room, Palm Springs (Fort Lauderdale is God’s parking lot). When shown a photo, the men seemed unsure who Gus was. One said, “Who was that Olympic skier? Adam Rippon’s friend. Chuck Helmsworthy?” In the words of Jesus’ parents – Oy! Once Gus was correctly IDed, he came out to meet the oldsters, who were quite smitten – after all, Kenworthy is both dashing and delightful. Well, that and as one guy kept pointing out, he’s got those thighs and that ass. Check out this fun video on BillyMasters.com.
As 2019 drew to a close, we lost a giant among men – the legendary composer Jerry Herman. It’s interesting to note that 2019 began with the death of Herman’s dear friend and muse, Carol Channing. I don’t think Jerry would want us to remember him by mourning. He’d want us to celebrate life — something he did in all of his musicals. And the fact that he was diagnosed as HIV-positive in 1985 and lived 34 years proves something. So long, dearie.
Our first “Ask Billy” question of the year isn’t particularly gay, but it amuses me. Frank in Detroit asks, “Have you seen the ‘Mad About You’ reboot? I love it – but where is Fran?”
I love it too. The chemistry between Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt is perfect, as is the writing. A hallmark of the original sitcom was the quirky supporting characters. I’m glad to see Ira, Lisa and Mark back. As to Fran, actress Leila Kenzle (who played the role) gave up acting a few years ago and is now a psychotherapist. The irony is Fran’s onscreen husband, Mark, is now married to Tonya, who is, you guessed it, a therapist! If the studio just matched Leila’s hourly rate, they could probably get her to do a cameo.
When someone charging an hourly rate is NOT the subject of a blind item, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. While I get my agent on the phone, let me remind you to get the latest gossip (and casting ideas) at BillyMasters.com – the site that has nothing against you doing it on the couch. If you have a question for me – or if you’re an Alaskan visiting Los Angeles for the weekend – send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I’ll get back to you once I’m south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.